X
 
  • Filter
  • Time
  • Show
Clear All
new posts

  • What unknown talents do *you* have?

    Brothers & Sisters,
    As we all know, Sarah Palin is an expert in foreign policy, a fact that should be obvious since she can see Russia from her house. Along these same lines, I feel that each and every one of us has a talent that we might not know about! I am asking each and every one of you to look around yourself and discover what your new talent is.

    Is there a nuclear power plant in your state? You are a nuclear scientist!
    Do you live near a pond? You're a master sailor!
    Do you have weeds growing in your lawn? You're a pro horticulturalist.
    Have you ever been on a plane? You're an advanced flight technician.

    The list goes on! Let us explore the expertises that we never knew we had! Personally I was pleasantly surprised to find that, as a Wal-Mart shopper, I am among the world's premier importer/exporters. Who knew?!
    Trump 2020: "For Real This Time"

  • #2
    Re: What unknown talents do *you* have?

    I have lots of pets - I"m a practitioner of bestiality.
    Now that Obama has won the election there will be big black cock for every white woman!!!

    Comment


    • #3
      Re: What unknown talents do *you* have?

      Praise the Lord! Such a blessing to be able to take care of one of God's own critters. But remember, unless you turn your life over to the Lord, then it is all for naught, and you will burn forever...
      Trump 2020: "For Real This Time"

      Comment


      • #4
        Re: What unknown talents do *you* have?

        Originally posted by Dr. Ernest C. Ville, D.C.S. View Post
        Praise the Lord! Such a blessing to be able to take care of one of God's own critters. But remember, unless you turn your life over to the Lord, then it is all for naught, and you will burn forever...

        I have no intention of turning my life over to anyone.
        And caring for other living things is never for naught - especially for the living being whose life you may have saved. Since all of our pets were either adopted from shelters, showed up on pur doorstep as strays, or were abused by former owners, we definitely saved their lives by adopting them.
        Now that Obama has won the election there will be big black cock for every white woman!!!

        Comment


        • #5
          Re: What unknown talents do *you* have?

          I won the Fastest Prayin' contest 3 years runnin when I was a kid, an I can still pray THAT fast! Glory!

          Comment


          • #6
            Re: What unknown talents do *you* have?

            im a problem solver

            Comment


            • #7
              Re: What unknown talents do *you* have?

              Originally posted by Obama08 View Post
              im a problem solver
              but the problem of the capital letter and the apostrophe still elude you, eh?

              I once helped shift the Bechstein Grand in the Kindergarten - my musical skills know no bounds.
              sigpic


              “We must reassert that the essence of Christianity is the love of obedience to God’s Laws and that how that complete obedience is used or implemented does not concern us.”

              Author of such illuminating essays as,
              Map of the Known World; Periodic Table of Elements; The History of Linguistics; The Errors of Wicca; Dolphins and Evolution; The History of Landover (The Apology); Landover and the Civil War; 2000 Racial Slurs.

              Comment


              • #8
                Re: What unknown talents do *you* have?

                Originally posted by Old Iron Crotch View Post
                I have no intention of turning my life over to anyone.
                And caring for other living things is never for naught - especially for the living being whose life you may have saved. Since all of our pets were either adopted from shelters, showed up on pur doorstep as strays, or were abused by former owners, we definitely saved their lives by adopting them.
                What are you talking about? Beasts are here for us, not we for them:

                Gen. 2:18-19: And the LORD God said, [It is] not good that the man should be alone; I will make him an help meet for him. And out of the ground the LORD God formed every beast of the field, and every fowl of the air; and brought [them] unto Adam to see what he would call them: and whatsoever Adam called every living creature, that [was] the name thereof.

                Gen. 9:1-3: And God blessed Noah and his sons, and said unto them, Be fruitful, and multiply, and replenish the earth. And the fear of you and the dread of you shall be upon every beast of the earth, and upon every fowl of the air, upon all that moveth [upon] the earth, and upon all the fishes of the sea; into your hand are they delivered. Every moving thing that liveth shall be meat for you; even as the green herb have I given you all things.


                I suggest that you devote your life to Jesus rather than to caring for beasts. Kitties, as cute as they are, cannot save you from eternal damnation.

                Anyway, back to the actual topic of this thread, in case certain bits of unsaved trash don't mind too much: I have a driver's license, so I must be an automotive engineer.
                This church is dedicated to preaching True Christianity™ and the King James Bible exactly as they are, with no alterations to make them more politically correct for modern liberals. If you think that we've misquoted or twisted Scripture or quoted any verse out of context, please explain in detail how we've done so. Otherwise, if what you read on this site offends you, then you're offended by Almighty God and His Word, not by us.

                Questions to ask liberal "Christians"Things that the Bible doesn't sayTolerance

                sigpic

                Comment


                • #9
                  Re: What unknown talents do *you* have?

                  Originally posted by Dr. Ernest C. Ville, D.C.S. View Post
                  Is there a nuclear power plant in your state? You are a nuclear scientist!
                  Do you live near a pond? You're a master sailor!
                  Do you have weeds growing in your lawn? You're a pro horticulturalist.
                  Have you ever been on a plane? You're an advanced flight technician.
                  Have you been to a Landover Baptist Church service? You're a psychologist who specializes in psychotic behavior!

                  (Sorry. Had to be said.)
                  Exodus 22:19 Whosoever lieth with a beast shall surely be put to death. Thou shalt not suffer a witch to live.

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Re: What unknown talents do *you* have?

                    I have seen a 30 minute episode about brains on the Discovery Channel- I must be a brain surgeon.
                    Gather around so that I can read to you from my book of TRUTH. Genesis thru Revelations....Pick one!

                    Luke 12:5- But I will forewarn you whom ye shall fear: Fear him, which after he hath killed hath power to cast into hell; yea, I say unto you, Fear him.

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Re: What unknown talents do *you* have?

                      I'm an expert in basketball because my neighbor has a hoop in his driveway.
                      May you be a blessing to every life you touch.

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        Re: What unknown talents do *you* have?

                        I just had a sip of wine! I'm a vintner!

                        I just looked up into the night sky! I'm an astrophysicist!

                        I just took my own pulse! I'm a cardiologist!
                        sigpic


                        Winging our Way Across the World for The Lord!



                        God Bless John Boehner and God Bless the Grand Old Party!



                        Barack Hussein Obama is not My President!!!

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          Re: What unknown talents do *you* have?

                          I listened to an opera (Bizet's Carmen)--I'm an audiophile!

                          I made tuna salad with celery and raisins--I'm a cordon bleu chef!

                          I wiped my butt after I pooped--I'm a sanitation engineer!
                          Mark 16:17 And these attesting signs will accompany those who believe: in My Name they will drive out demons.

                          1 Kings 21:14 Then they sent to Jezebel, saying, Naboth is stoned . . .

                          A SPIRITUAL WARFARE PRAYER:
                          Father, In Jesus' Name, I take the Blood of Jesus and break the power of all witches, warlocks, wizards, satanists, sorcerers, wiccans, pagans, and any other source, and all of their rituals off of us. With the Blood of Jesus, I erase all evil lines drawn on our liver. . .

                          LANDOVER BAPTIST DEMON HUNTING PERMIT #00666-27

                          sigpic



                          Comment


                          • #14
                            Re: What unknown talents do *you* have?

                            I can see the moon from my house. I'm an astrophysicist!
                            "Come Unto Me. Put forth thine hand now, and touch all that he hath." (Matthew 19:14, Job 1:11).

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              Re: What unknown talents do *you* have?

                              I'm a bear expert and a spankologist.
                              Who Will Jesus Damn?

                              Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:

                              Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)

                              Need Pastoral Advice? Contact me privately at PastorEzekiel@landoverbaptist.net TODAY!!

                              Comment

                              Working...
                              X