[Ahimaaz Smith]

Re: It's A Miracle, I've Found Christ!

Lest we forget; people whom consumes Crustacean fish! For it is within God's indisputable will, that eating shell-fish is an abomination unto our Earthly flesh!

Patrick, you obviously seem to want to rest in the bosom of Jesus, but you should curb your enthusiasm for preaching the Word until you have read the whole Bible. God certainly did command us not to eat crustaceans, but Jesus very clearly rescinded that commandment:

...Do ye not perceive, that whatsoever thing from without entereth into the man, it cannot defile him; Because it entereth not into his heart, but into the belly, and goeth out into the draught, purging all meats? Mark 7:18-19

Personally, I love nothing better than a good lobster dinner or a church clambake.

you must keep in mind that English is not my mother language as I am from Denmark, which is located in northern Europe!

Northern Europe is about as close to Northern Hell as you can get without dying. There are very few True Christians™ in Europe (Pastor Wide Open is a notable exception), so it will be especially hard for you to find your way to God, but do not give up hope, since nothing is beyond the power of Jesus.

I attend a local church named Faderhuset (The Father House)

Frankly, that sounds a bit gay to me. You need to leave your gay church and ask God for forgiveness. And for Heaven's sake, stop lying about the picture!

[Glendora Christianson]

Re: It's A Miracle, I've Found Christ!

Pastor, I am insulted blah blah blah, blah blah blah blah!............................................. ..........................blah
.................................................. ................................blah blah
..........blah.............GOD bless!

Wait a minute! Don't run away so fast. I know your spirituality is compromised, but I couldn't help but notice that glorious picture of our Sweet, White, Blond Haired and Blue Eyed Jesus that you posted. There has to be a glimmer of hope for you as you had the wisdom to NOT submit to the notion that Jesus was a scrawny little sand kneegrow, who looked like Obama Bin Laden and didn't use under-arm deodorant or Charmin. For that, I must thank you and add even more proof that Jesus is WHITE.

[JennyD]

Re: It's A Miracle, I've Found Christ!

Patrick, have you abandoned Jesus already?

I so hoped you would become Saved(c) and join us all in Heaven!

[Rev. M. Rodimer]

Re: It's A Miracle, I've Found Christ!

That is a Godly analogy, Captain A. Let's pray this helps Patrick the Starfish understand why it is better to be a vertebrate, and to worship God in order to avoid His Divine Judgment . . . and also that True Christians(tm) are not condemning anyone to Hell, but rather informing them of the inevitable consequences of mocking God.

[Capt. Aaron Portway]

Re: It's A Miracle, I've Found Christ!

Paddy,
Let me explain it this way: Let's say there was a drunken sinner standing in the middle of the road. Now, I am on the side of the road and I see a large truck approaching at a high rate of speed. So I say to the drunken sinner "If you don't get out of the road, you are going to be killed."

The sinner looks at me and says "What? Why do you want to kill me?" I reply "Get out of the road or you will surely die." The sinner says "You can't tell me what to do!" and sits down. The truck runs him down, splattering his sinning guts over 200 yards of asphalt.

I didn't kill the man, as a matter of fact, I tried to help him. That is what we do here, we try to help. By telling someone they are damned to Hell, we are just pointing out that the sinners who come here are in grave danger of going to Hell. We are not the ones doing the damning, we are just pointing out that God's Holy 18-wheeler is bearng down on all sinners all the time, ready to turn them into a bloody smear on the Highway to Hell.

Does that make it easier to understand Paddy?

[Patrick1990]

Re: It's A Miracle, I've Found Christ!

Ahhhhh.....no.
We can pass judgment upon you.

Leviticus 19:15 In righteousness shalt thou judge thy neighbour.

John 7:24 Judge not according to the appearance, but judge righteous judgment.

1 Corinthians 2:15But he that is spiritual judgeth all things, yet he himself is judged of no man.

1 Corinthians 5:12-13 For what have I to do to judge them also that are without? do not ye judge them that are within? But them that are without God judgeth. Therefore put away from among yourselves that wicked person.

1 Corinthians 6:2-3 Do ye not know that the saints shall judge the world? and if the world shall be judged by you, are ye unworthy to judge the smallest matters? Know ye not that we shall judge angels? how much more things that pertain to this life?

I am terribly sorry Pastor, but you are taking words way out of context here! These glorious verses indicates that it is not forbidden to judge people - however, only GOD condemns to eternal damnation!

[Talitha]

Re: It's A Miracle, I've Found Christ!

Good news! My Sister in Christ Talitha has graciously volunteered to make sure you don't trip and injure yourself.

Good night, and may God guide you down from your Jesus high into His loving arms.

Praise JESUS!!!

Do we have some new potential Soldiers for Christ?

[JennyD]

Re: It's A Miracle, I've Found Christ!

Good news! My Sister in Christ Talitha has graciously volunteered to make sure you don't trip and injure yourself.

Good night, and may God guide you down from your Jesus high into His loving arms.

[Patrick1990]

Re: It's A Miracle, I've Found Christ!

Paddy,
It is very late and I am very tired, but reading your posts is making me a bit edgy. I can't put my finger on it, but you somehow write in such a way as to make the mind accelerate when it ought not do so.

I am going to have to agree with Pastor Al and Sister Jenny. You need to take a Godly "chill pill" son. Take it down a notch. Breath for a minute, use your inside voice.

You are blazing along at 300 MPH, making spelling errors simply because you are thinking too fast. Jesus brought you to us for a reason boy, just calm down and tell us about yourself. What church do you attend? How many children has your wife produced? How much do you weigh?

Thank you very much for participating in my thread, Capt. A. Portway! With such a noble name, you must be a Godly Man! Oh GOD yes, my senses never ceases to amaze! You are indeed a Godly Man!

Yes, I am well aware that I write in such virulent, overhyped manners, but this is all just an extra effort I go through to display my excitement of spreading the Word of God, KJV-style! GOD approves!

If you do not mind me asking, where may I acquire one of these Godly "chill pills", o noble Capt. A. Portway?

Alas, I may unintentionally make obnoxious errors in my grammar, however, you must keep in mind that English is not my mother language as I am from Denmark, which is located in northern Europe!

I attend a local church named Faderhuset (The Father House), and I do not currently possess a wife as I am merely eigtheen (18) years of age! I weigh 86 kg, (we use kilograms in Europe!) which is approximately 190 pounds!

GOD bless!

[JennyD]

Re: It's A Miracle, I've Found Christ!

And so you did, by denying the existence of my previously posted image of Christ Himself appearing on the <censored> of my pet!

Patrick, my friend, every time you say something Godly, and offer some Scripture, you follow it with these delusions of yours.

I'm really concerned that if I head off to bed and leave you unattended, you may injure yourself on Pastor Pistle's righteous judgment.

Maybe it would be best if I fixed you up a spot in Quarantine, where you need not worry about having an unfortunate accident. Then, if I remember, I could let you out tomorrow!

Sound good? Or have your delusions subsided?

[Pastor Al E Pistle]

Re: It's A Miracle, I've Found Christ!

I For GOD says so, and nobody but GOD has the right to condemn anyone to eternal hellfire!

Ahhhhh.....no.
We can pass judgment upon you.

Leviticus 19:15 In righteousness shalt thou judge thy neighbour.

John 7:24 Judge not according to the appearance, but judge righteous judgment.

1 Corinthians 2:15But he that is spiritual judgeth all things, yet he himself is judged of no man.

1 Corinthians 5:12-13 For what have I to do to judge them also that are without? do not ye judge them that are within? But them that are without God judgeth. Therefore put away from among yourselves that wicked person.

1 Corinthians 6:2-3 Do ye not know that the saints shall judge the world? and if the world shall be judged by you, are ye unworthy to judge the smallest matters? Know ye not that we shall judge angels? how much more things that pertain to this life?

[Capt. Aaron Portway]

Re: It's A Miracle, I've Found Christ!

Paddy,
It is very late and I am very tired, but reading your posts is making me a bit edgy. I can't put my finger on it, but you somehow write in such a way as to make the mind accelerate when it ought not do so.

I am going to have to agree with Pastor Al and Sister Jenny. You need to take a Godly "chill pill" son. Take it down a notch. Breath for a minute, use your inside voice.

You are blazing along at 300 MPH, making spelling errors simply because you are thinking too fast. Jesus brought you to us for a reason boy, just calm down and tell us about yourself. What church do you attend? How many children has your wife produced? How much do you weigh?

[Patrick1990]

Re: It's A Miracle, I've Found Christ!

And adulterers, and wearers of mixed fabrics, and disobedient children, and those who follow other religions, and fornicators . . . it's not just sodomites, friend.

Lest we forget; people whom consumes Crustacean fish! For it is within God's indisputable will, that eating shell-fish is an abomination unto our Earthly flesh!

Leviticus 11:9-12
9These shall ye eat of all that are in the waters: whatsoever hath fins and scales in the waters, in the seas, and in the rivers, them shall ye eat.
10And all that have not fins and scales in the seas, and in the rivers, of all that move in the waters, and of any living thing which is in the waters, they shall be an abomination unto you:
11They shall be even an abomination unto you; ye shall not eat of their flesh, but ye shall have their carcases in abomination.
12Whatsoever hath no fins nor scales in the waters, that shall be an abomination unto you.

Er, no. I asked you a question. Bearing false witness refers to giving false testimony.

And so you did, by denying the existence of my previously posted image of Christ Himself appearing on the <censored> of my pet!

[Patrick1990]

Re: It's A Miracle, I've Found Christ!

Friend, I think you are a God-mocker. First you use a false Bible, and then you have your face in your dog's scrotum looking for JESUS. That's more CATHOLIC than Christian. Those knuckleheads find the Virgin Mary in salsa, on taco shells, in moldy shanties, and wherever they can get a few tequila shooters.

Be careful lest you end up in the isolation ward.

Pastor, I am insulted, outraged and sincerely saddened that you would accuse me, a fellow spiritual warrior in Christ, of mocking our loving GOD, the CREATOR of the Universe and all that is! It is evident that the other Bibles does not exist, for there is only ONE true Bible, the King James Version! Those CATHOLICS and their child-molesting tendencies will surely be laughed upon once God rejects them the keys to the Kingdom and ships them directly to Hell where they came from!

GOD bless!

[JennyD]

Re: It's A Miracle, I've Found Christ!

Indeed, it is! All filthy sodomites must be stoned to death for their moral misconduct and rebellion towards our Christian family values!

And adulterers, and wearers of mixed fabrics, and disobedient children, and those who follow other religions, and fornicators . . . it's not just sodomites, friend.

Hello again JennyD! Am sorry to tell you, but you have broken the 9th commandment that states that thou shalt not bear false witness!

Er, no. I asked you a question about your apparent drug use. Bearing false witness refers to giving false testimony.

Dear JennyD, the only mind-altering substances currently messing up my rationality is the LOVE for GOD and JESUS and the loathe of sinners and all that is not Christian, because all that is not Christian is the tools of Satan, the prince of darkness!

GOD bless!

That's a relief! Your accusations of false witness are most disturbing, as is your obsession with a dog-photo you never posted.

Perhaps you would like to take a break in Quarantine, so you can come down from your Jesus-induced high, calm down, and gather your thoughts?

I can arrange it for you. Just speak the word, friend!