[William A]

Re: I think I'm beginning to understand

Quite sure.

And - I trust you'll forgive me for being so slow on the uptake - if I decide not to repent, not to follow my Bible to the letter - presumably I wind up spending the rest of eternity burning in the fire and brimstone of Hell.

Along with heavy metal musicians, goths, atheists and other assorted unGodly folk.

Am I right in thinking that is the general gist of it?

Presumably?!? Who do you think you are to challenge GOD? Go presume with your sick mocking friends. Jesus only loves the real christians. PRAISE HIS NAME

[Nobar King]

Re: I think I'm beginning to understand

You couldn't think of anyone else you'd want to spend eternity in hell with, like Pamela Anderson? You are a homer, aren't you, boy?

[Just James]

Re: I think I'm beginning to understand

Actually, you and all others who are Saved will spend eternity praising the Lord, singing for Him, and serving His every need, a glorious honor indeed!

The Bible offers no mention of "frolicking".

Are you sure you're not some sort of homosexual?

Quite sure.

And - I trust you'll forgive me for being so slow on the uptake - if I decide not to repent, not to follow my Bible to the letter - presumably I wind up spending the rest of eternity burning in the fire and brimstone of Hell.

Along with heavy metal musicians, goths, atheists and other assorted unGodly folk.

Am I right in thinking that is the general gist of it?

[JennyD]

Re: I think I'm beginning to understand

In Heaven I shall be able to spend eternity frolicking in the clouds with the good folk at Landover Baptist Church. Well, those that are dead at any rate. And not really many others, the truth be told. That is correct, yes?

Actually, you and all others who are Saved will spend eternity praising the Lord, singing for Him, and serving His every need, a glorious honor indeed!

The Bible offers no mention of "frolicking".

Are you sure you're not some sort of homosexual?

[Ezekiel Bathfire]

Re: I think I'm beginning to understand

If I can just change the subject from the existence or otherwise of robot pastors - if I get it right, by repenting my sins, turning to God and following my King James to the letter for the rest of my life - when I die I shall be taken up to Heaven.

In Heaven I shall be able to spend eternity frolicking in the clouds with the good folk at Landover Baptist Church. Well, those that are dead at any rate. And not really many others, the truth be told. That is correct, yes?

Basically, yes. Plus 144,000 joos to whom God made a promise, The Apostles and a whole mess of righteous people whom God will choose.

[Just James]

Re: I think I'm beginning to understand

If I can just change the subject from the existence or otherwise of robot pastors - if I get it right, by repenting my sins, turning to God and following my King James to the letter for the rest of my life - when I die I shall be taken up to Heaven.

In Heaven I shall be able to spend eternity frolicking in the clouds with the good folk at Landover Baptist Church. Well, those that are dead at any rate. And not really many others, the truth be told. That is correct, yes?

[Star Finder]

Re: I think I'm beginning to understand

Oh great another suck up. Look you weasel, Jamie or whatever your name is, you will find out soon enough the mean, horrid, putrid and nasty perversions harboured by your new "friend" Zekey.

I KNOW. I know all to well with my tattered pants clutched in my stained hands, gasping for air.

Don't be so happy you don't know your future.

[Pastor Ezekiel]

Re: I think I'm beginning to understand

No, that's never going to happen.

Don't laugh!! The Japs already have "Robot God Jesus" in mass production!!

[Just James]

Re: I think I'm beginning to understand

A robot pastor! What will they think up next...women who listen?

No, that's never going to happen.

[Pastor Al E Pistle]

Re: I think I'm beginning to understand

I'm sorry, Pastor Ezekiel, but having carefully studied your comments I can reach only one conclusion.

You're a bot. You don't actually exist outside the realms of this righteous forum.

Being as you don't exist it means I therefore don't really need to worry about offending you. Others on this Fine Upstanding Group have at least attempted to be helpful - in your case as soon as I say one word which could even remotely be interpreted badly you do so. Usually with the same boilerplate comments.

The sheer accuracy, speed and zeal with which you manage to hunt down such comments leads me to believe you're almost certainly a computer script.

A robot pastor! What will they think up next...women who listen?

[Wide-Open]

Re: I think I'm beginning to understand

As much as The Pastors appreciate a compliment, I can assure you that they are all human - any tendency towards perfection you may have noted is the result of their treading in the footsteps of the Most Perfect Being - Baby Jesus.

Amen Brother. I actually think he was trying to suck up to Pastor Zeke.

[Ezekiel Bathfire]

Re: I think I'm beginning to understand

I'm sorry, Pastor Ezekiel, [...]You're a bot. You don't actually exist outside the realms of this righteous forum.[...] The sheer accuracy, speed and zeal with which you manage to hunt down such comments leads me to believe you're almost certainly a computer script.

As much as The Pastors appreciate a compliment, I can assure you that they are all human - any tendency towards perfection you may have noted is the result of their treading in the footsteps of the Most Perfect Being - Baby Jesus.

[Nobar King]

Re: I think I'm beginning to understand

A Baptist robot. That's rich. Where did you learn about that? Wikipedia?

[Just James]

Re: I think I'm beginning to understand

I'm sorry, Pastor Ezekiel, but having carefully studied your comments I can reach only one conclusion.

You're a bot. You don't actually exist outside the realms of this righteous forum.

Being as you don't exist it means I therefore don't really need to worry about offending you. Others on this Fine Upstanding Group have at least attempted to be helpful - in your case as soon as I say one word which could even remotely be interpreted badly you do so. Usually with the same boilerplate comments.

The sheer accuracy, speed and zeal with which you manage to hunt down such comments leads me to believe you're almost certainly a computer script.

[Pastor Ezekiel]

Re: I think I'm beginning to understand

I'm up to my eyeballs in debt as it is, Sister. I've got the bank on the phone to me every day and bailiffs knocking on my door every week.

If I were to give the Church 10% of my net worth, the Church would wind up owing the bank tens of thousands of dollars - and as far as I am aware, most churches are ill equipped to deal with such a financial burden. Private jets don't run themselves.

All I have left is $20 in my pocket to buy food to feed my children. Once that's spent, I am stuck with no way out short of declaring myself bankrupt, losing my home and wandering the streets as a homeless bum, getting drunk on methylated spirits and shouting incoherently at people that aren't there. This is why I'm hoping this Nigerian chap delivers the goods - he's my last hope.

Surely the Church doesn't expect me to hand that over that $20 and leave my children to starve?

tl;dr


What a whiner!