[Yahweh_is_Yahgay]

Re: I REPENT!

Believe me sir, no funny business of any kind won't happen. Already here at Camp Trust the said they'll cut my doggone ding-dong off if I touch myself thinking of sissy girlie men!

[Bob4God]

Re: I REPENT!

I hope you don't mind me asking sir, but what is the cost of tuition at Freehold Firearms?

P.S. I have included the check-in picture they took of me out at Camp Trust.

I could offer you a great learning experience at FREEHOLD FIREARMS for the unbelievably low price of just $49.99 a session. You didn't happen to grab your parents' credit card before you left did you? I will take cash, but not checks, unless you are a True Christian ™ which you are not.

I will need to run the idea of you working here past one of our preachers to make sure they think it's the best thing for me, but once they give a go ahead we'll hammer out the details.

Just remember that I keep most of the guns in my store loaded and unlocked, so if I see you pulling any funny business like stealing from me, touching yourself or saying cuss words, I won't hesitate to blow a hole in one of your kneecaps.

[Yahweh_is_Yahgay]

Re: I REPENT!

I hope you don't mind me asking sir, but what is the cost of tuition at Freehold Firearms?

P.S. I have included the check-in picture they took of me out at Camp Trust.

[Bob4God]

Re: I REPENT!

Agreed Brother Portway, he should finish Camp Trust. We must also remember that young people need to have good work ethic instilled in them, and if he was attending Camp Trust and working at FREEHOLD FIREARMS, I could treat the whole thing as a part of his rehabilitation and I could earn some extra money for the church by charging him for the services and lessons I am providing him by allowing him to work. It would all go to the church, honest.

[Capt. Aaron Portway]

Re: I REPENT!

Captain Portway, I certainly understand your concern, but there's no reason why he can't stay in one of our youth hostels in the greater Freehold area until he's proven himself.

After a respectable amount of time, if we know for certain that he's not a homosexual saboteur or an atheist in Christian's clothing, he might get to come to church one Sunday.

He seems to be taking to the Camp Trust suggestion I made.

For your run of the mill sinners I would agree with you, but this one was a fairly hardened God-mocking Atheist not that long ago. The drill instructors/spiritual advisors at Camp Trust have more experience breaking the wills of gently leading former atheists to Christ.

I can assure you that should you choose to take him on after her graduates, he'll be a much more pliable and respectful employee for you. And there will be plenty of the Bible left for you to pound into him!

[Bob4God]

Re: I REPENT!

Yes indeed, what is a good name to befit a repenting young man?

[Capt. Aaron Portway]

Re: I REPENT!

Many thanks, Cap'n. I am very anxious to rid myself of daming habits and forge a new life down the path of Righteousness.

I'll prove to everyone that I am worthy at Camp Trust--this I assure you. I am preparing to head out as we speak. And I promise, I won't accept any rides from girlie-men of any sort!

Excellent! And I like the verse you have chosen for your signature! When you get to Camp Trust, mention my name and you might just get yourself a top bunk!

EDIT:Could we get Mod to change this repenting sinners screen name? It is a bit on the God-mocking side.

[Bob4God]

Re: I REPENT!

Captain Portway, I certainly understand your concern, but there's no reason why he can't stay in one of our youth hostels in the greater Freehold area until he's proven himself.

After a respectable amount of time, if we know for certain that he's not a homosexual saboteur or an atheist in Christian's clothing, he might get to come to church one Sunday.

[Yahweh_is_Yahgay]

Re: I REPENT!

Many thanks, Cap'n. I am very anxious to rid myself of daming habits and forge a new life down the path of Righteousness.

I'll prove to everyone that I am worthy at Camp Trust--this I assure you. I am preparing to head out as we speak. And I promise, I won't accept any rides from girlie-men of any sort!

[Capt. Aaron Portway]

Re: I REPENT!

Now that you're becoming a Christian, what outrages you most? Abortion? Queer marriage? Raving anti-gun lunatics?

If you're headed to Freehold and need a summer job, come on down to FREEHOLD FIREARMS on the corner of Exodus and 7th. I'm sure I could put a strong back to work hauling in big boxes of ammo.

Bob, don't get his hopes up just yet. He might still not have what it takes to make it here. Let's let the folks at Camp Trust see what they can do with him first!

[Capt. Aaron Portway]

Re: I REPENT!

My sentiments exactly, Brother Bob.

Curse my damning biochemist of a father and R and D nanotechnology manager mother for not opening my eyes sooner!

I have run away from home, and currently typing off a computer at truck stop 50 miles south of Freehold. Can anyone give me a lift?

Son, as I said before, calm down. We don't know you from Adam. Before we let through the gates of our Godly city, we need to build some trust.

You are not too far from Camp Trust. It's a wide spot in the road where youngsters like yourself can, through hard physical labor and near constant public prayer, prove themselves worthy of entering Freehold.

The DOF (Department of Faith) runs the camp for us. It's sort of a Bootcamp for Jesus if you will. The work is hard, the days are long, but trust me, it's worth the trouble if you make it through.

Good luck! And don't mind the full strip and body cavity searches when you first arrive. We've had a few unsavory types try to bring drugs onto the grounds of Camp Trust. And if you are allergic to malathion, let the man at the delousing station know!

[Vavoline Johnson]

Re: I REPENT!

Oh, I am simply covered in the white hot sticky love of Jesus!
snip!

Well, dat ain't nice, fool. The Jeezuz dat I know ain't got NO "hot sticky love" fo nobody! Dat's discustin. You better save that fo when you married to a nice white Christian womin and you wants to produce a nice litter of brats.

[Bob4God]

Re: I REPENT!

Now that you're becoming a Christian, what outrages you most? Abortion? Queer marriage? Raving anti-gun lunatics?

If you're headed to Freehold and need a summer job, come on down to FREEHOLD FIREARMS on the corner of Exodus and 7th. I'm sure I could put a strong back to work hauling in big boxes of ammo.

[Yahweh_is_Yahgay]

Re: I REPENT!

My sentiments exactly, Brother Bob.

Curse my damning biochemist of a father and R and D nanotechnology manager mother for not opening my eyes sooner!

I have run away from home, and currently typing off a computer at truck stop 50 miles south of Freehold. Can anyone give me a lift?

[Capt. Aaron Portway]

Re: I REPENT!

Calm down son. I know that to a lad your age, receiving Christ for the first time can be extremely exciting. But just relax and let the Lord fill you with His love.

At this early stage, you should stick to praising the Lord and let the more experienced members here do most of the rebuking of non-believers. Trust me, if your conversion is genuine, there will be plenty of time to rebuke the Unsaved Trash that wander onto our Godly boards in the future.

And you need to pick yourself out an appropriate Bible verse for you signature too! Make sure to pick a good one from the KJAV 1611. Make us proud boy!