[Wide-Open]

Re: Complaint: the new Mixerman banner ad!

I've just downloaded the latest Sin-blocker update for my JesOS Operating system and Praise Jesus I'm back to seeing adverts for Leather bound, personally signed by Jesus, King James Bibles again.

Sister! I just got a phone call from Hymie, and, um, long story short, you'll have to uninstall it. The JesOS team has been alerted, and they are reversing the update as we speak. Don't ask. Their latest Prayer Service Pack(TM) will be available tomorrow morning.

That Mixerman advert kept making my computer reboot.

It didn't on my PC, but I personally keep rebooting my PC in horror anyway.

[Talitha]

Re: Complaint: the new Mixerman banner ad!

Sister I must confess when I first read the words "leather bound", sinful thoughts entered my head.

I am retiring to my prayer closet now

As for Mixerman, put a sock it it

Most items in my Prayer Closet are Leather Bound.
Ask Pastor BJ

[SayvedByTheLord]

Re: Complaint: the new Mixerman banner ad!

I've just downloaded the latest Sin-blocker update for my JesOS Operating system and Praise Jesus I'm back to seeing adverts for Leather bound, personally signed by Jesus, King James Bibles again.

Sister I must confess when I first read the words "leather bound", sinful thoughts entered my head.

I am retiring to my prayer closet now

As for Mixerman, put a sock it it

[Talitha]

Re: Complaint: the new Mixerman banner ad!

I've just downloaded the latest Sin-blocker update for my JesOS Operating system and Praise Jesus I'm back to seeing adverts for Leather bound, personally signed by Jesus, King James Bibles again.


That Mixerman advert kept making my computer reboot.

[Wide-Open]

Re: Complaint: the new Mixerman banner ad!

Amen Pastor. I think he has been smoking a "fattie" again. Oh well, you now my opinion of this... um ... person, so I'll refrain from further comments.

[Pastor Ezekiel]

Re: Complaint: the new Mixerman banner ad!

Jesus Christ. Ahem. Is this all you guys got?

Since I'm the reason this place currently exists as it does, you'd think I'd get a little respect (which is code for discussion), know what I mean?

Enjoy,

Mixerman

Friend; We deeply appreciate your patronage, but it is a gross overstatemnt to say that you are the reason we currently exist. That kind of comment can be easily misconstrued, and we don't want any hurt feelings, now do we.

Jesus is the only reason we're here. And don't you forget it, hippie!

[Mixerman]

Re: Complaint: the new Mixerman banner ad!

Jesus Christ. Ahem. Is this all you guys got?

Since I'm the reason this place currently exists as it does, you'd think I'd get a little respect (which is code for discussion), know what I mean?

Enjoy,

Mixerman

[Pastor Ezekiel]

Re: Complaint: the new Mixerman banner ad!

I asked one of the nigra mammies who cook for me, and she said it's a book about using a mixer for recipes. She wants me to oder her one, but I don't think she can read, so...

[Nobar King]

Re: Complaint: the new Mixerman banner ad!

You really are just a dirty little racist, aren't you?

[Professor Tyeisha X]

Re: Complaint: the new Mixerman banner ad!

I sure hope the Mix in Mixerman has nothing to do with Race-mixing.

I actually agree with you for once, Wash.

It would be deplorable for our superior race to dilute our wonderful genes with your pasty rat kind.

[Jo Freddie]

Re: Complaint: the new Mixerman banner ad!

There had better be some good money in these banner ads for the LBC to be pimping itself out in that way.

Why is it coming up to the time of year to replace the Pastors Escalades, or does the Golf course need reseeding?

[Palmer C. Eldrich]

Re: Complaint: the new Mixerman banner ad!

There had better be some good money in these banner ads for the LBC to be pimping itself out in that way.

[JennyD]

Re: Complaint: the new Mixerman banner ad!

Mr. Mixerman, did you come to check up on your banner ad, or would you like to learn about my friend Jesus?

[Wash O'Hanley]

Re: Complaint: the new Mixerman banner ad!

I sure hope the Mix in Mixerman has nothing to do with Race-mixing.

[Mixerman]

Re: Complaint: the new Mixerman banner ad!

WHERE IS JESUS IN ALL THIS?

Here. From your sponsor, The Daily Adventures of Mixerman.

Day 38 Part Deux: Meeting of the Ages
"Your bass player couldn’t find a groove in a fifty-year-old career hooker, and your guitar player, oh, Jesus God, your guitar player!"

Well, He's not there. Sure, there are stories about wiggers pissing on their own coat, people who are called "Dumbass", but nothing about our Lord and Saviour®.

Nothing.

Au contraire mon fraire!

From The Daily Adventures of Mixerman, the book that is currently keeping these holy doors open.


Foreward: (By Philip Stevenson)

In this book, for the first time, we now have the completed diary
as God and Mixerman himself intended. The final chapter is here, too, for new readers, as well as the more than 140,000 Web readers who may have lost a night’s sleep here or there, wondering what became of their all-too-human, less-than-gifted cast of
characters.

The Supreme Negotiators
Of course, the band is overlooking the fact that in the next three years, the producer will probably record in the neighborhood of twelve albums, while the band is God knows where, playing the same fifteen songs every night, wondering why they would ever write such trash. And if I were to connect the dots for you, the producer could offer me a hell of a lot more work in the coming years than the band could. But yes, despite this, I am surely the band’s ally.

Day 1: Uh-Oh...

For the briefest of moments, I thought that the drummer was actually playing a practical joke on me. I say this because I can only categorize the sounds emanating before me as some of the most god-awful drum sounds I’ve ever heard. Ever! Believe me when I tell you, I’ve heard some awfully bad-sounding drums.

Day 8: A Fatty Day

Here the band has a very good guitar player who can effortlessly
and quickly lay down the parts, and the shitty guitar player is
the one laying down the majority of them. Next thing you know,
Dumb Ass is going to want to sing one of the songs.
God help us if that happens

Day 10: The Albatross
Since we weren’t working today—God forbid I get a three-day
weekend after this debacle—Willy asked me if I could mix a song
for him from another project that he’s been working on.
Day 11: Win One for the Gipper (football reference here. Everyone knows that God loves football, and is always on the winning side, including the side of the Gipper. This of course has a double meaning in that it also includes Ronald Reagan, back when God was involved in politics.))
Thank God I wasn’t drinking a cup of coffee when he said this,
as it seems to me that’s exactly what I said to him last week! Of
course, I didn’t mention any of that to Willy. I responded to him
appropriately with agreement and praise, expressing my encouragement
of such great concepts in recording.

Day 12: Girlfriend Day
Don’t get me wrong. I love women. God do I love women.

Day 19: A Man, a Plan, a Canal, Panama

After the fourth take, Johnny pounded another shot and promptly pronounced that he needed to puke, so I quickly escorted him to Fingaz’s bathroom, where he commenced a short prayer to the porcelain God.

Day 21: Film At Eleven
I decided to wear a god-awful Hawaiian button-down shirt for my film debut, as that is what Ed Cherney wore for his cameo on the Bette Midler Show. I know, because I watched it.

Day 22: Show Time
I swear to God, this guy could fu*ck up a wet dream. (Er...forget that one).

Day 23: Audio Placebo
“Yes, if you turn that knob, the snare will soar,” I answered. “But for God’s sake, be careful!” I exclaimed.

Day 25: The Offering

God forbid Dumb Ass actually admits on camera that he uses a tech to either replace or tune his drum heads.

Day 26: It's All in the Mix
First up was Harmon Neenot, the bass player, well established as one of the most god-awful singers on the planet, perhaps even in the universe—

Day 31: The Inevitable Meltdown

Blister was taking it all in stride, and when Dumb Ass finished his most god-awful presentation of how to play drums, which in reality should have been a seminar on how not to play drums, Blister took his position on the drum throne again.

Day 38 Part Deux: Meeting of the Ages
I wish to God I had a mini tape recorder with me in order to capture Willy’s response, as it was classic!

Day 45: Penny Pincher
I swear to God, this guy doesn’t recognize me from one day to the next.

I hope the Pastors who run this site take note of my apprehension. DO NOT CLICK THAT LINK! Have we given in to the Mammon?

Matthew 6:24
No man can serve two masters: for either he will hate the one, and love the other; or else he will hold to the one, and despise the other. Ye cannot serve God and mammon.

I think you mean, "Ye cannot serve God and MIXERMAN," See how it works when you make a deal with the devil?

I bought a copy of the book and the advert went away! Praise!

Praise Allah!

Enjoy,

Mixerman

P.S. To the Administrators of this site (WHO I'M FUNDING THANK YOU VERY MUCH), I don't appreciate you replacing my logo (a modified Yin Yang, representing the path to enlightenment by portraying harmony between the dark brooding female, and the light dominant male), with a picture of Phil Specter. I am not in jail! (Anymore).