[SUV]

Re: Policing Freehold

Hard to believe it's been a week already, but I am back on duty so all you bad guys out there better watch out. Officer Don W. Richards is on the scene.

I Believe the first thing you should investigate is the Lady who has been wearing these to Church. Why, our Dear Mother Glynndie is in such a tizzy over it!

[Rev. Jim Osborne]

Re: Policing Freehold

Hmmph! More petty drama queen behavior from our resident papist. No surprise there with his smart-alecky "wit" and "puns". You know, Mo, has anyone ever told you that you have more sass than Mr. Blackwell? Not that I'm insinuating you....a cattier-than-Oscar-Wilde Catholic priest of being gay or anything.....

Now, as a general rule, some of us Baptists from the heartland of America might be pretty expansive in girth....Officer Don, his lovely wife Vic, myself...but does weight really matter? It's a moot subject and I think you're just diverting attention away from the fact that even if Officer Don's blood is 90% pork gristle, he is still a faithful True Christian(tm) and will join Jesus in Heaven.

So let's quit hurling insults to our REAL AMERICAN HEROES who lay their lives on the line everyday for our safety and give them a hip-hip-hooray!

Officer Don: A bigger hero than the entire FDNY on 9/11!

[Father Maurice Lester]

Re: Policing Freehold

.... One of them just about got himself a big fat ticket...

Your specialty no doubt.

Do you have an older sister named Renee by chance?


Bless you, my protruberant pissant,
Father Mo



.

[Buford T Scoggins]

Re: Policing Freehold

Officer Don, those two accident victims were sure lucky that you came along. Now if they just read The Bible everyday, I'm sure they'll fully recover in no time at all!

I think that this incident just goes to show the damage that public schools have done to our educational system. Those "medics" obviously got their "education" in public schools, so their heads are all filled with nonsense like people evolving from dinosaurs and the world is more than 6000 years old! They were probably afraid to touch those accident victims for fear of turning into lizards or dinosaurs themselves!

On the other hand, a fine home-schooled fellow like yourself has a "can-do" attitude - you're confident and fully qualified to practice medicine after reading The Bible and a Christian biology textbook. I think that you're as well qualified to be a doctor as Sarah Palin is to be president!

The city of Freehold needs more officers like you on the job.

yours in Christ,
Brother Buford

[Ofc. Don W. Richards]

Re: Policing Freehold

FRIDAY, SEPTEMBER 25, 2009

Most of you probably already heard about that car crash out on Moses road. Out of four total victims two were life-flighted to Des Moines. My response was swift, thanks to my intense police training.

I was not impressed with the medics on the scene however. When I got there they didn't even have the victims out of the cars yet, they were just standing there quizzing them down about if they could move their arms and legs. Well you know me, I'm a man of action, not words. So I just yanked the victims out of the cars and plopped them down on the road.

The medics just about had a cow but I told them that I was an Eagle Scout when I was a boy, I didn't need them to lecture me on first aid.

One of the victims was bleeding badly from the head so I tied a tourniquet around her neck and sat her upright to keep the blood from traveling up to her head.

Shoot, by the time the chopper arrived I just about had the victims all fixed up and ready to go home. You wouldn't believe how sensitive and pansy those medics can be. One of them just about got himself a big fat ticket for obstruction of an Officer of the Law currently administering first aid.

I imagine that those young punks learned a thing or two about emergency medicine from ol' Don 'the doctor is in' Richards. I love being a cop.

[WWJDnow]

Re: Policing Freehold

Then again, I'm a sucker for donuts!

I'm into hotdogs and donuts.

Well, I for one am outraged to see the public martyrdom of our brave Officer Richards over simply trying to keep a little law and order in our fair town.

The Bible tells us to stone unruly children. I say that little brat got off lucky.

[Bobby-Joe]

Re: Policing Freehold

Officer Richards, has there been any progress in the arson investigation at the Monthly Visitor?

As you know, a mob of people dressed in white robes with hoods (impersonating Landover's security detail, no doubt) surrounded the main house and set it ablaze a month or so ago. And this just two days after Pastor Ezekiel accused me of falsifying my books and "holding out on Jesus"! It was the worst week of my life!

(Second only to the few days I spent up in North Salem visiting with Reverend Rodimer and his congregation. I had no idea the Ozarks extended to Indiana . . . but I admit, the church is housed in the nicest doublewide in town, and Rodimer has a perfectly charming Airstream.)

Dear me, impersonating the security detail. That is a quite a serious charge. I can't imagine anyone in Freehold doing that. Must have been a band of rampaging atheists. As we said before the entire security detail was escorting Pastor Zeke to dinner with Iowa State treasurer David Vaudlt at the Cedar Falls, Iowa Holiday Inn. Obviously with a meeting of two prominent Iowa State Christians the tightest security was needed. Looks like the atheists took advantage of the situation to attack another (expendable) part of the body of Christ.

I am sure your sacrifice has been noted in Heaven Sister.

[JennyD]

Re: Policing Freehold

Officer Richards, has there been any progress in the arson investigation at the Monthly Visitor?

As you know, a mob of people dressed in white robes with hoods (impersonating Landover's security detail, no doubt) surrounded the main house and set it ablaze a month or so ago. And this just two days after Pastor Ezekiel accused me of falsifying my books and "holding out on Jesus"! It was the worst week of my life!

(Second only to the few days I spent up in North Salem visiting with Reverend Rodimer and his congregation. I had no idea the Ozarks extended to Indiana . . . but I admit, the church is housed in the nicest doublewide in town, and Rodimer has a perfectly charming Airstream.)

[James Hutchins]

Re: Policing Freehold

Welcome back, Officer Richards.

One day, I'll be living in Freehold and you can be watching my back doing your duty. That will certainly feel good.

[Rev. Jim Osborne]

Re: Policing Freehold

Glad to have you back! The whole town has gone to chaos since your departure. Jaywalking has skyrocketed, women walk around on the streets without their husbands accompanying them, and drivers seem to be taking more risks. Fortunately, you put the Enforcement in Law Enforcement.

[Ofc. Don W. Richards]

Re: Policing Freehold

Hard to believe it's been a week already, but I am back on duty so all you bad guys out there better watch out. Officer Don W. Richards is on the scene.

[SUV]

Re: Policing Freehold

PS, if anybody wants to go fishing this week, count me in!

Me, too! If you have a really big worm. I don't want to be bothered with catching some stupid "crappies" or something like that.

I want a nice big Fish that can Feed the whole FAMILY®!!!

As far as that tiddler you mentioned... you were Right to pepper-spray the little deemon. LibberAL "permissiveness" now is sickening

[Ofc. Don W. Richards]

Re: Policing Freehold

Officer Borders is a nincompoop. He's like that all the time, Rev. Jim. Always strolling around just observing, never acting on anything!

Of course he's never had to face real danger like I have. I think he's one of these guys that's all into "logic and reason." I am deeply suspicious that he actually has no religion at all.

[Rev. Jim Osborne]

Re: Policing Freehold

Well, I for one am outraged to see the public martyrdom of our brave Officer Richards over simply trying to keep a little law and order in our fair town. It's a crying shame that a respected, God-fearing Officer Of The Law like him has to be railroaded by a far-left, lieberal commie newspaper. Rest assured that I've already submitted my "letter to the editor" to the Freehold Times suggesting they might as well as change their name to Pravda!

I would like to point out that as soon as Officer Don was placed on paid leave, crime has skyrocketed here in Freehold. This evening I was in the CVS/Pharmacy on the corner of Main and Holt, when I saw a blatant crime taking place. I was standing in line behind some young woman who was clearly on some sort of drugs. Her eyes were glassy, she had the sniffles, and a powerful hacking cough. She was buying -- get this -- two large bottles of cold & cough syrup.

Now, I know there are "cooks" out there who make homemade speed and related drugs out of using these cough syrups. No doubt she was ready to go home and brew up another batch of dope. Well, I followed her on the way out of the story and I come across that rookie "cop", Kyle Borders who has been assigned Officer Don's beat for the time being.

I went up to "Officer" Kyle and had a conversation with him.
Me: "Officer, I would like to report a crime."
Borders: "Why? What happened?"
Me: "See that woman who is getting into that tan Mitsubishi Galant? She is trafficking and producing drugs."
Borders: "How do you know?"
Me: "Well, she just bought two bottles of cough syrup!"
Borders: "So?"

At this point, I started getting a bit hot under the collar since this lazy cop who doesn't care about public safety is giving me the run around.

Me: "So?!?! You know those speed cooks make their drugs out of cough syrup."
Borders: "Oh. How many did she get?"
Me: "Two."
Borders: "Oh, that's perfectly legal. Yes, illegal drug manufacturers use cough syrup in their concoctions. That is why the state of Iowa has mandated a limit on the amount of cough syrup someone can buy. She is free to buy two bottles."
Me: "So what? She's just being smart. She is getting the legal amount of cough syrup for drug purposes."
Borders: "I'm sorry, Reverend, there's really nothing I can do. She is protected by the law."

Can you believe this? Now dope makers are protected by the law!

Me: "Look, she's brewing up speed. I know it."
Borders: "How do you know?"
Me: "Because she has glassy eyes, a stuffed up nose, and is coughing like a seal."
[Officer Borders just stares at me blankly for a length of time.]
Borders: "Ever thought she is getting cough syrup because she has a cold?"

I had it with his smart-alecky behavior. I immediately scolded him for being a liberal drug-enabler and a disgrace to the police force. I also threatened to report him to his superior for being an accessory to illegal drug manufacturing.

See! This is what happens when you take Officer Don off the shift for a single day. Inept cops who look like they are fresh from the Police Academy movies sit idly by while dope makers run around freely.

[Ofc. Don W. Richards]

Re: Policing Freehold

SPECIAL ANNOUNCEMENT REGARDING MY SUSPENSION

As some of you probably already read in the local papers, I have been officially suspended for a week (with pay) for pepper-spraying a toddler who was throwing Cheerios from her stroller. One of them did hit me and I still say that it was assault on an Officer of the Law.

Anyway, the act was deemed a use of "unnecessary force" and the liberal Jewish-homo-enabling Freehold Times (our only liberal newspaper who was the only one to report the incident by the way) has made such a stink about the matter that the FPD has had no choice but to suspend me for a week (with pay), just to get the pinkos to shut up.

Ordinarily I'd be pretty mad about the whole thing, but who's gonna complain about a whole week of paid vacation? I love being a cop.

PS, if anybody wants to go fishing this week, count me in!