[Rev. Jim Osborne]

Re: No Christian lites!

A bit off topic, but...

Am:5:16: Therefore the LORD, the God of hosts, the Lord, saith thus; Wailing shall be in all streets; and they shall say in all the highways, Alas! alas! and they shall call the husbandman to mourning, and such as are skilful of lamentation to wailing.

I've always preached that this verse proves the Bible's prophetic truths. How could mortal man have predicted highways back in the time before Christ? Only men inspired by God could be given the information that freeways, expressways, motorways, and highways would be around 2000 years in the future. I've actually won over a skeptical atheist once with this verse about ten years when I was serving my prison sentence.

Back on topic...

I've helped spread the Word of God® today by witnessing to a young college girl at the God's Gym® in downtown Freehold today. She was beautiful, toned body and shoulder-length brown hair with piercing green eyes. She was jogging on a treadmill and I managed to get an empty one next to her. I set it for a leisurely 1 mph pace so I wouldn't be out of breath and proceeded to warn her that her golden stud earrings could send her to hell. She seemed a bit baffled at what I was getting at so I quoted the Bible to her...

1st Timothy 2:9 In like manner also, that women adorn themselves in modest apparel, with shamefacedness and sobriety; not with broided hair, or gold, or pearls, or costly array;

She tried to politely excuse herself and moved over to a stair-climbing machine, but I followed her. Again, I questioned her and judged her. I asked if she was married yet, and she said no, and I told her she better get married soon or she's going to go to Hell. I also asked personal questions to find out if she was fornicating. I asked her some personal sexual questions about what she liked to do and if she likes older, married men. She then started getting visibly annoyed and moved over to a sit-up bench. Again, I followed her and got more forceful with my preaching. Other exercisers were beginning to take notice.

Then she had the nerve to threaten me to leave her alone or she would report me for stalking. I wouldn't let this unsaved hussy push me around, so I pressed on. I started even yelling at her to repent. "You make your body healthy and strong...why not your soul? Why do you hate Jesus? WHY DO YOU WANT TO GO TO HELL, YOU UNSAVED TART?"

Eventually the manager Troy came over, but once he saw who I was, he backed off. He persuaded the young lady that I wasn't trying to bother her, but only trying to help her gain eternal life. Realizing she was defeated, she grabbed her stuff and headed for the car.

Even though I repeatedly asked her for her phone number she wouldn't give it to me. However, I managed to get Troy to look up her phone number (and home address) in the membership files. I plan on calling her tonight to witness to her more, and if she doesn't agree to meet me for a private dinner, I'll stop by her apartment and find her there.

A lesser Christian would've given up, but we are commanded to be forceful and determined in our preaching...

2nd Timothy 4:2 Preach the word; be instant in season, out of season; reprove, rebuke, exhort with all longsuffering and doctrine.

You have no idea how badly I want this girl kneeling before me, accepting Jesus deep inside of her. I won't quit until this happens.

[Levi Jones]

Re: No Christian lites!

I must have handed out 30 Chick Tracts today to messican catlix today alone!

[WWJDnow]

Re: No Christian lites!

I want every member of this church to report back next week at this time and say one way they've served God and tried to make the USA a better God fearing country. Name just one way you've tried to get the constitution changed to Biblical law. Name one place where you stood on a corner and preached the word of God to the people!.

I went up to Maine to support the Don't Let Gays Ruin Your Marriage ballot initiative. With God's help we won that fight.

Imagine, gays thinking they should have the same civil rights as normal people. It turns your stomach just thinking about it. With any luck, we'll start putting them into prison the way we did in the old days.

[Ezekiel Bathfire]

Re: No Christian lites!

3 years ago? What about this week? Today? What will you do for God tomorrow?

Am:5:16: Therefore the LORD, the God of hosts, the Lord, saith thus; Wailing shall be in all streets; and they shall say in all the highways, Alas! alas! and they shall call the husbandman to mourning, and such as are skilful of lamentation to wailing.

I'm good at wailing. I am available to wail at a moment's notice. I have 3 bookings this week. My fees are reasonable and a percentage goes to Landover.

[eliot mayfield]

Re: No Christian lites!

Brother Mayfield, I do this every day.

Every person I meet, I ask them straight out "Have you accepted God into your life, has He accepted you and have you been Saved©?"

When I see anyone not doing things right (believe me, I see this all the time) I ask them "Is that how God wants you to behave?" or "WWJD?"

When I fly on a plane, I have the window seat saved for Him. I make sure everyone knows God is by my side. Sometimes, I'll get the stew to cancel the inflight movie on those boring international flights and instead, I'll stand at the front of the plane and read passages from the KJV Bible, having a discussion after each passage.

When ever I go to public places, I epoxy favorite passages from the Bible to any surface I can to forever share the wisdom of our Lord.

You get a

[James Hutchins]

Re: No Christian lites!

Brother Mayfield, I do this every day.

Every person I meet, I ask them straight out "Have you accepted God into your life, has He accepted you and have you been Saved©?"

When I see anyone not doing things right (believe me, I see this all the time) I ask them "Is that how God wants you to behave?" or "WWJD?"

When I fly on a plane, I have the window seat saved for Him. I make sure everyone knows God is by my side. Sometimes, I'll get the stew to cancel the inflight movie on those boring international flights and instead, I'll stand at the front of the plane and read passages from the KJV Bible, having a discussion after each passage.

When ever I go to public places, I epoxy favorite passages from the Bible to any surface I can to forever share the wisdom of our Lord.

[eliot mayfield]

Re: No Christian lites!

About 3 years ago in Cleveland. Bitterly cold. Souls saved - Nil. That town's Godless!

3 years ago? What about this week? Today? What will you do for God tomorrow?

[Ezekiel Bathfire]

Re: No Christian lites!

About 3 years ago in Cleveland. Bitterly cold. Souls saved - Nil. That town's Godless!

[eliot mayfield]

Re: No Christian lites!

I'm sorry to bump this thread, but I've seen too many posts lately that seem a little "lite" on God! People, we run the risk of slipping into the worst sin of all, complacency. Stand up and get that Bible open and preach it.
I want every member of this church to report back next week at this time and say one way they've served God and tried to make the USA a better God fearing country. Name just one way you've tried to get the constitution changed to Biblical law. Name one place where you stood on a corner and preached the word of God to the people!.
The challenge has been set; you lose and you could go to Hell.

[Miss Maisie]

Re: No Christian lites!

Don't worry, hun! You seem like such a good little God-fearing girl, I'm sure y'all are headed straight to the Lord if he decides to bless you by taking you up to him early.

[Pastor Billy-Reuben]

Re: No Christian lites!

God Hates Christian Lites!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Amen, Brother!

Liberal churches have pews packed full of folks who are going to be surprised to find themselves the Lake of Fire come judgment day. The so-called pastors in these so-called churches are more interested in tickling peoples ears with a false gospel, telling their congregation what they want to hear instead of what they need to hear. They don't give a hoot if anyone gets saved.

Pastor Billy-Reuben

[Pastor Ezekiel]

Re: No Christian lites!

WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH!!! !!


I'm eskeered, on accounta I don't weigh a whole lotta poundses. I'm stiow liddow, an' I don't wanna go ta' heck!

Don't fret little princess. Take another look at THIS Bible lesson for tender children like you. Praise Jesus!

[Pastor Al E Pistle]

Re: No Christian lites!

WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH!!! !!


I'm eskeered, on accounta I don't weigh a whole lotta poundses. I'm stiow liddow, an' I don't wanna go ta' heck!

Don't worry! Remember the days when Unca...er...Uncle Pastor Zeke used to bounce you on his lap, faster and faster until he was all sweaty? He will keep you out of heck with his ministrations.

[eliot mayfield]

Re: No Christian lites!

Then start praying and telling your friends about Jesus and his love!

[Five Year Old Girl]

Re: No Christian lites!

WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH!!! !!


I'm eskeered, on accounta I don't weigh a whole lotta poundses. I'm stiow liddow, an' I don't wanna go ta' heck!