[HTannor]

Re: I'm An Independant Business Owner!

You have a large flip chart to draw the circles on, or should I bring my marketing kit?

Jolene, I assume, is without child at this point? She is clearly pregnant and sinful in the "wedding" portrait.

Last things first. When Jolene sent the guy packing, she made him take the kid along. It was a girl, so of no real use to anyone. She told me her second husband shot "blanks" so there was no progeny to be concerned about.

Don't be concerned about flip charts. You can write on the walls in the living room (I have a new box of crayons you can use). My walls need repainting anyway so on my next trip to the Dollar Store I'll pick up some of their better stuff. I realize two bucks a gallon is pretty steep, but nothing's too good for my friends.

[Johny Joe Hold]

Re: I'm An Independant Business Owner!

about flip charts.

I apologize for going a bit off topic, here, but I just can't pass up the chance to let everyone know about my litte trick with flip charts.

We all go to many planning and goal-setting meetings where flip charts are used. I have this little trick:

I get to the meeting room early, find the Sharpy and write a different Bible verse on every empty flip chart page before the meeting. Then, as the boring meeting goes on and the pages are torn off and taped to the walls, I can at least enjoy reading my favorite Scriptures.

[Rev. M. Rodimer]

Re: I'm An Independant Business Owner!

How did your meeting go, Brother Rubicon? Is Jolene an adequate choice?

Or would you rather have our good widow Davies (with the delightful B& accompany you? Tourism is a little slow this summer, what with the economy and all, and she's hoping to supplement her income.

Besides, she went all out redecorating a room for your visit, and you decided not to come. The least you could do is bring her with you and lend her the money for her way.

[Brother Harold Porter]

Re: I'm An Independant Business Owner!

Quick update from the Greyhound terminal in Pueblo!

First, I want to thank you Brother Tanner, I think, for helping me add to my downline in Jolene. I certainly appreciate you hosting the showing of "The Plan" in your remodeled single wide. The dark paneling in the living room and the indoor/outdoor carpet in the foyer is a nice touch. I don't know how you can care for your 36 cats and keep the place smelling clean, but Praise Jesus for your wonderful home!

Frankly, I wasn't expecting Jolene to pay for her "Business Startup Kit" with a Piggly Wiggly bag of assorted coins, but I will get some wrappers from the bank when I return and make sure the amount is correct.

Not sure if you noticed last night, but she made frequent trips back to her home in the trailer park and, every time she returned, her speech was more slurred and her pupils more dilated. I thought at the time it was simply Jesus moving her with such excitement for "The Business" that her nervous system was just overcome. But when we ended our meeting at midnight, and you had to catch her to keep her from falling off of your plywood deck, I realized we had a problem.

She's been asleep for the entire first leg of our trip and sitting next to her has not been a pleasant experience. I can only pray that she is presentable for our first Dream Builders seminar at 6 tomorrow morning.

Brother Tannor, I hope you have not set me up for humiliation at one of the most important Business Meetings of the year?

But we have to board the next bus for Boise, so must run.

I'll update tomorrow.

In Christ!

[Brother Harold Porter]

Re: I'm An Independant Business Owner!

How did your meeting go, Brother Rubicon? Is Jolene an adequate choice?

Or would you rather have our good widow Davies (with the delightful B& accompany you? Tourism is a little slow this summer, what with the economy and all, and she's hoping to supplement her income.

Besides, she went all out redecorating a room for your visit, and you decided not to come. The least you could do is bring her with you and lend her the money for her way.

Oh Reverend, how I wish I had anyone other than this to accompany me on the stage. Every Quartz level distributor will be holding hands and singing hymns. Pray that I can hold Jolene up?

Gotta board!. Last call for the bus!!

[HTannor]

Re: I'm An Independant Business Owner!

Brother Rubicon, I'm so glad your meeting went well.

Jolene and I had a pre-meeting meeting before you arrived. I told her my allergies were acting up and she suggested I try some of her special cough medicine. It was quite good and I vaguely recall downing three or four full water tumblers. Things just seemed a little fuzzy after that.

I'm ashamed to admit it, but I fell asleep early on. I awoke the next morning with some difficulty breathing. I was lookiing in the bathroom mirror when I discovered a crayon shoved up my nose.

I remember you using the crayons to write on the wall. You were so animated explaining the plan that I guess one of them got away and flew in my direction. I just don't recall using my nose to catch it. Maybe one of the cats put it there.

As for Jolene, maybe her allergies are acting up, as well. I'm sure once she gets to Boise, all will be well. You'll be real proud of her. She mixes well if you can keep her out of the little fridge in her room.

Please remind her about the stuffed jackrabbit.

[Brother Harold Porter]

Re: I'm An Independant Business Owner!

Brother Rubicon, I'm so glad your meeting went well.

Jolene and I had a pre-meeting meeting before you arrived. I told her my allergies were acting up and she suggested I try some of her special cough medicine. It was quite good and I vaguely recall downing three or four full water tumblers. Things just seemed a little fuzzy after that.

I'm ashamed to admit it, but I fell asleep early on. I awoke the next morning with some difficulty breathing. I was lookiing in the bathroom mirror when I discovered a crayon shoved up my nose.

I remember you using the crayons to write on the wall. You were so animated explaining the plan that I guess one of them got away and flew in my direction. I just don't recall using my nose to catch it. Maybe one of the cats put it there.

As for Jolene, maybe her allergies are acting up, as well. I'm sure once she gets to Boise, all will be well. You'll be real proud of her. She mixes well if you can keep her out of the little fridge in her room.

Please remind her about the stuffed jackrabbit.

Thanks for nothing Brother Tannor. I love you as a Brother in Christ, but this has been a disaster! I tried to wake her up this morning with a call at 5 AM but she would not answer. Motel security finally let me into her suite.

The "mini bar" of booze (that I will have to pay for) was wiped out and we could not rouse her. Worse, there was white powder on the dresser and the Boise cops are starting a criminal investigation.

I attended the 6AM Dream Builders seminar by myself. She staggered on the stage in a print mumu (which I told you was prohibited) for the 3 PM session. If I had not kept my arm behind her, she would have toppled.

I surely need someting better than this. Can't stand to have her near me for the final motivation session tomorrow. Put her on the bus back to you tonight.

I have a LONG ways to go to get any respect back after this.

In Christ!

[HTannor]

Re: I'm An Independant Business Owner!

That's awful, Brother Rubicon. I just can't believe it happened. So sad. Truly tragic.

You know, in retrospect, I suppose I can see how this came about. Jolene and I get together regularly to nurse our allergies. She always brings a gallon jug of her special cough medicine and we finish it before she leaves.

At lease I think we finish it. I really can't say for sure, since I wake up the next morning and she's gone, and the jug is standing empty with two soda straws sticking out the top. Maybe she kills of the last of it. It must work because I've never heard her cough.

As far as her appearances in public goes, I'll have to take your word for it. I've never had her out in public because we prefer to keep our allergies at home and treat them there. Besides, the valets at the finer restaurants here in the park make jokes about my moped.

I'm scratching my head over this muumuu business. She always shows up in my trailer wearing her Daisy Duke shorts. I bet she forgot to take them to Boise because if she had, she'd have been the hit of the afternoon session.

Put her on the bus back to you tonight.

Please answer this:

When you put her on the bus, was she carrying a stuffed rabbit?

( ) Yes

( ) No

If your answer is "Yes," then I'm happy.

If your answer is "No," can you bring me one?

[Brother Harold Porter]

Re: I'm An Independant Business Owner!

That's awful, Brother Rubicon. I just can't believe it happened. So sad. Truly tragic.

You know, in retrospect, I suppose I can see how this came about. Jolene and I get together regularly to nurse our allergies. She always brings a gallon jug of her special cough medicine and we finish it before she leaves.

At lease I think we finish it. I really can't say for sure, since I wake up the next morning and she's gone, and the jug is standing empty with two soda straws sticking out the top. Maybe she kills of the last of it. It must work because I've never heard her cough.

As far as her appearances in public goes, I'll have to take your word for it. I've never had her out in public because we prefer to keep our allergies at home and treat them there. Besides, the valets at the finer restaurants here in the park make jokes about my moped.

I'm scratching my head over this muumuu business. She always shows up in my trailer wearing her Daisy Duke shorts. I bet she forgot to take them to Boise because if she had, she'd have been the hit of the afternoon session.




Please answer this:

When you put her on the bus, was she carrying a stuffed rabbit?

( ) Yes

( ) No

If your answer is "Yes," then I'm happy.

If your answer is "No," can you bring me one?

No problem Brother. It's not your fault; she had us both fooled. However, I would warn her when she shows up that the white powder found in her room tested positive as cocaine and the Boise police have issued an arrest warrant for her. Just a heads up; I'd keep her out of your home unless you want your place searched too.

This "Dream Builders" seminar doesn't seem much different than the one last week in Tulsa. More ostentatious slide shows of tremendous personal wealth, but not much advice on how to obtain. I'm sure I'm missing something and will pray with my Godly upline tonight.

Gotta get back for the last testimonials of the day. Dr. I. Fleeceum (PHD) is to speak and he is the big attraction of the meeting. Need to get to the lobby and buy an upgrade ticket for $100 so I can be in the front row.

Oh yes, the jackrabbit. See attached. I nailed this one with a brick behind the motel. He doesn't look this nice anymore and will have to find a taxidermist back in TX, then ship to you. He's in the motel room freezer. Also picking up a T-shirt for all your trouble.

In Christ!

[Rev. M. Rodimer]

Re: I'm An Independant Business Owner!

Oh Reverend, how I wish I had anyone other than this to accompany me on the stage. Every Quartz level distributor will be holding hands and singing hymns. Pray that I can hold Jolene up?

Gotta board!. Last call for the bus!!

Brother, I'm so sorry you couldn't take Widow Helen instead. She always dresses so professionally!

Here, she's bringing Scripture in bed to one of her guests, a speaker who was in town to witness about his success with our ex-gay ministry. Note Helen's proper posture, respectful distance, KJV Bible, and professional attire.



Here, Helen is assisting two young ladies who attended our "Feminism = Communism" seminar. Helen is pretty camera-shy, and dodged my sights this time around.

Oh, that image on the wall is NOT "Mary", it's a painting Helen did herself describing her first encounter with the Holy Spirit.



I did try to get a better photo, for hours. She kept dodging me! I finally cornered her in the kitchen, and her reaction to my cell phone camera was just priceless!



Don't worry, she was just serving up some Jell-O. That Helen, she's such a card!

Once you get rid of Cokefiend . . . I mean, Jolene, let me know if you'd like Widow Helen to join you at the next Business event.

[HTannor]

Re: I'm An Independant Business Owner!

Brother Rodimer, that Helen is one fine looking woman. I'm sure she'd have been a lot more professional at the seminar than Jolene. I can easily imagine Helen mixing up some jello for the talent portion of the program.

As far as Jolene goes, I guess it's fair to say that "You can take the woman out of the trailer park, but you can't take the trailer park out of the woman."

I think I'll just shy away from Jolene and start visiting the lovely Dotty down the street. Dotty is obviously a woman of some means since she has two cars jacked up next to her double-wide.



Brother Rubicon, now that's what I call a real trophy rabbit. I've already named him "Wilbur." I'm looking forward to placing him on my entertainment center right between my squirrel, "Rocky," and my shrunken head, "Mr Ugly."

[Benedict A. Davis]

Re: I'm An Independant Business Owner!

Brother Rodimer, that Helen is one fine looking woman. I'm sure she'd have been a lot more professional at the seminar than Jolene. I can easily imagine Helen mixing up some jello for the talent portion of the program.

As far as Jolene goes, I guess it's fair to say that "You can take the woman out of the trailer park, but you can't take the trailer park out of the woman."

I think I'll just shy away from Jolene and start visiting the lovely Dotty down the street. Dotty is obviously a woman of some means since she has two cars jacked up next to her double-wide.



Brother Rubicon, now that's what I call a real trophy rabbit. I've already named him "Wilbur." I'm looking forward to placing him on my entertainment center right between my squirrel, "Rocky," and my shrunken head, "Mr Ugly."

Brother Tannor,
I was cleaning out my little hall closet and came on these 2 extra ordinary pieces of Americana tableware that I no longer use and was wondering if you might like them. They are perfect for semi and formal dinners. While they are not a ''matching set'' I always thought the bread basket complimented the wine server.

[HTannor]

Re: I'm An Independant Business Owner!

As you are a man with extraordinay taste, Brother Davis, I'm suprised that you want to part with these items.

Of course I would be honored to accept them.

I'll place the bread basket near my Hot Doggery to keep buns at the ready.

The beer bottle holder will be placed in my outdoor shed's wet bar near my Dale Earnhardt poster.

[Free Market Fred]

Re: I'm An Independant Business Owner!

First of all, I'd like to praise Brother Rubicon for his free market spirit. Investing his life's savings plus whatever he can borrow with a high-interest credit card was certainly a wise move, and I hope that the rest of you True Christians here on LBC will follow his fine example.

Now, perhaps some of you might be just a tad suspicious. I mean, why would a corporate CEO like me - who owns a zillion shares of stock in hyper-marts - welcome competition from a shrewd businessman like Brother Rubicon? Shouldn't I be worried that within a matter of weeks, America's shopping malls will be empty as smart shoppers flock to home distributors like Brother Rubicon?

In fact, I'm not worried at all. Indeed, I welcome the competition. That's the beauty of the capitalist system - it's win-win all the way. As Brother Rubicon and his Christian distributors become rich, the wealth just spreads onward, outward and upward, into my pockets even as your balance sheet spirals downwards. As the great economist Ronald Reagan once said, that's the "magic of the marketplace." Or as they say at the Wall Street Journal, "a rising tide lifts all boats" - especially yachts.

Just one little thing I'd like to address - quality. Some of you have wondered if it's worth the high prices that Brother Rubicon charges. Well, let me assure you that it is! OK, it is true that pretty much everything sold in America comes from the exact same factories in China that make our hyper-mart stuff. Indeed, the exact same factory that makes our Ol'Roy dog food also makes our Great Value Fruity Puffs breakfast cereal, but we do add nice colors to the cereal (after all, dogs are colorblind, so why waste money on food coloring for them?).


Tip for smart shoppers: Ol'Roy is a cheaper way to feed Grandma

But I assure you that these are quality products. To ensure that Fido and Grandma both have a shiny coat, the ingredients in the dogfood and cereal are entirely the same, right down to the melamine flavoring.

But the key difference here is the packaging, and that's where Brother Rubicon has a competitive advantage. If you buy your dogfood/cereal from him, you really get nicer packaging. You have to realize that in a supermarket, shelf space is at a premium and we can't afford to waste it, so we keep the packaging to a minimum. However, when you buy from Brother Rubicon's garage, it's not an issue - therefore, his products come with thicker plastic wrappers, lots of styrofoam balls, and 50% more air.

Another advantage of buying from Brother Rubicon is that you get the very latest products - especially experimental ones. For example, when food manufacturers want to try out a new chemical, they test it first on rats, then on Chinese prisoners, and finally on the American public. However, sometimes it turns out that there are some children who are allergic, and this might not affect either the rats or the prisoners (most of whom are adults). Therefore, we do have occasional product recalls, and as you can imagine that's expensive, plus big stores are more likely to get sued than little mom-and-pop businesses. That's why it's much more cost effective to let small distributors like Brother Rube test out gummi bears first to see if the product causes cancer or causes kids to choke. In fact, doing small scale tests on kids this way can even allow us eliminate the expense of testing on rats.


Gummi Bears, another fine product from Uranus

In summation, I just want to offer my hearty congratulations to Brother Rubicon, and all the other small business investors here on LBC. You're the salt of the Earth, the growing army of entrepreneurs who equate capitalism with religion. It's small businessmen like yourselves who have made America what it is today - a paradise for big business.

[Johny Joe Hold]

Re: I'm An Independant Business Owner!

Rubicon, When you are finished with the expensive training sessions, I know you will want the big cash flow to begin immediately.

I just thought of this. In every community across the U. S. are thousands of people on welfare and disability. They all have a tiny cash flow of payments from government.

It seems like these people are all candidates for starter kits. Now, because they are quite limited financially, we need a method to free up some of their money to buy the kits from you.

I had this idea. What if all of your friends here at LBC clipped and saved the restaurant coupons that come to us in newspapers and phone books. They give $2 off a Big Mac, etc. Then we sent them to you. You, in turn, could sell them to these poor folks and use the money to buy them starter kits.

It seems like it would be helping those who most need the help. Just a thought.