[Barry]

Re: Good, Clean Christian Jokes

Did you hear about the look-a-like competition in China ?

Everybody won.

I don't believe there are a billion Chinese, I think it is just one man and a billion mirrors.

[Rev. M. Rodimer]

Re: Good, Clean Christian Jokes

they have nothing to do with Jesus.

and it is proven that 75% of people laugh on bad jokes, and these were the worst that i found.

This is a thread for Christian jokes, not bad jokes.

I believe in Satan, too. It's amazing how many so-called Christians say they believe in God, but deny the reality of Satan!

That's his greatest trick, you know. Pretending not to exist.

[InSatanIBelieve]

Re: Good, Clean Christian Jokes

What do these have to do with JESUS?

And, seriously, your jokes are really stupid. Don't ever do that again.

they have nothing to do with Jesus.

and it is proven that 75% of people laugh on bad jokes, and these were the worst that i found.

[Daisy Mae Johnson]

Re: Good, Clean Christian Jokes

Question: What did big chimney tell to a small chimney?

Answer: Nothing everyone knows chimneys cant talk.




Two muffins were talking the other said to the other "hey how are you?" where the other replied "oh no a talking muffin!"


Question:What kind of bomerang doesnt come back?

Answer: a stick

What do these have to do with JESUS?

And, seriously, your jokes are really stupid. Don't ever do that again.

[InSatanIBelieve]

Re: Good, Clean Christian Jokes

Question: What did big chimney tell to a small chimney?

Answer: Nothing everyone knows chimneys cant talk.




Two muffins were talking the other said to the other "hey how are you?" where the other replied "oh no a talking muffin!"


Question:What kind of bomerang doesnt come back?

Answer: a stick

[Rev. M. Rodimer]

Re: Good, Clean Christian Jokes

A woman dies and finds herself about to enter Heaven. "You're on the list," says Peter. "You may enter!"

As the gates open, she hears the sounds of machinery, and terrible cries of agony.

"What's going on in there?" she asks. "It sounds like one of those 'SAW' movies!"

"Oh, not to worry. You see, in order to attach the halo, we need to drill a couple of holes."

"Drill holes??"

"Yes, and a couple more for the wings. We don't use any anesthetic, so that you can be reminded how Christ suffered on the cross for you. This is how you pay Him back. It all heals up pretty quickly, a month or so, then about six months of physical therapy."

"Well," the woman said, "I think I might just prefer Hell."

"Don't be so quick," Peter interjected. "Down there, you'll be raped and sodomized by demons. Every day!"

"Yes, but . . .







"at least I have holes for those already!"

[jennabenna]

Re: Good, Clean Christian Jokes

Two women went to heaven. As they entered, Peter called after them "Now whatever you do, don't step on the ducks!". The women shrugged and went into heaven. Now just a few weeks later, one of the women stepped on a duck. Peter appeared, looking rather angry. He shouted, "The punishment for stepping on a duck, is that you must for all eternity be chained to the ugliest person we can find!" So he disappeared for a moment and then reappeared with an incredibly ugly man, who he chained to the woman.
Now her friend, not wanting to be chained to an ugly person for eternity, vowed to never step on a duck. And she kept her vow. But one morning, Saint Peter appeared and whisked her away. They reappeared near an attractive man, who Peter chained her to.
"What's going on?" asked the woman.
"Well, I don't know about you, but I stepped on a duck."

[Philip Rodgers]

Re: Good, Clean Christian Jokes

Jesus dies and goes up to Heaven. The first thing he does is look for his father, as he has never met the man before and is curious as to what he looks like, and whether or not Jesus looks like his mother or father, etc. He looks high and low but cannot find him.

He asks St. Peter "Where is my father?" But St. Peter says he doesn't know.

He asks the archangel Gabriel "Where is my father?" But Gabriel doesn't know.

He asks John the Baptist "Where is my father?" But John does not know. So he wanders Heaven, impatiently searching.

Suddenly he sees out of the mist an old man coming toward him. The man is very old, with white hair, stooped over a little. "Stop!" Jesus yells. "Who are you?"

"Oh, please help me, I am an old man in search of my son." Jesus is very curious. Could this be his father? "Tell me of your son, old man."

"Oh, you would know him if you saw him. Holes in his hand where the nails used to be, he was nailed to a cross, you know..."

"Father!!!!!" Screams Jesus.

"Pinocchio!!!!!!!" yells the old man.

[Nobar King]

Re: Good, Clean Christian Jokes

A New Blonde Joke!!!
After becoming very frustrated with the attitude of one of the shopkeepers, the young blonde declared, 'Well, then, maybe I'll just go out and catch my own alligator and get a pair of alligator shoes for free!'
The shopkeeper replied with a sly smile, 'Well, little lady, why don't you go on and give it a try?'
The blonde headed off to the swamp, determined to catch an alligator.
Later in the day, as the shopkeeper was driving home, he spotted the same young woman standing waist deep in the murky water, shotgun in hand.

As he brought his car to a stop, he saw a huge 9-foot gator swimming rapidly toward her. With lightning reflexes, the blonde took aim, shot the creature and hauled it up onto the slippery bank. Nearby were 7 more dead gators all lying belly up.
The shopkeeper stood on the bank watching in silent amazement as the blonde struggled mightily and barely managed to flip the gator onto its back.
Then, rolling her eyes heavenward, she screamed in frustration...





.

********! THIS ONE'S BAREFOOT, TOO!

[AngelaT]

Re: Good, Clean Christian Jokes

BelieverInGod, I really love the atheist hippie one


Q. How can you tell if someone is half Catholic and half Jewish?
A. When he goes to confession, he takes a lawyer with him.

[BelieverInGod]

Re: Good, Clean Christian Jokes

Heard a couple of good ones at the dog show last week.

An atheist decides to go ice fishing, so he goes out on the ice and starts chopping a hole, all of a sudden there's a big booming voice. "THERE'S NO FISH UNDER THE ICE!" The atheist looks around, shrugs and walks a ways away and starts to chop. Again, the big booming voice comes "THERE'S NO FISH UNDER THE ICE THERE EITHER!" The confused atheist looks up and say's in a small voice, "is that you God?" and the voice booms back "NO I'M THE RINK MANAGER!"



A peace nick hippie atheist goes out for a hike to comune with nature and to think about how insignificant he is in this world. All of a sudden a Grizzly comes out of the bush and starts chasing him. The atheist trips and just as the bear is about to pounce the atheist screams "GOD HELP ME". All of a sudden everything freezes and a voice comes from the sky saying "I thought you didn't believe in me." The atheist says well I don't, I believe in natural law and refuse to give up my sinful life to worship you. So God says "Well then, what should I do about this situation?" The atheist says "well since I'll never be a Christian, can't you make the bear a Christian instead?" God agrees and time starts up again. The bear stops, bows it's head and says "Thank you Jesus for the wonderful meal that I am about to enjoy."

[baggytrousers]

Re: Post Your Jokes Here!

Q. Why wont stephen hawkins go to heaven?

A. Because he'll never get up the stairs!


Try Jesus. If you don't like Him, the devil will gladly take you back.

When you pray, don't give God instructions. Just report for duty!

[Rev. M. Rodimer]

Re: Post Your Jokes Here!

I'll try to come up with some in a while, but I'm too awed at being in the presence of a master to think of any just now. I just want to point out how well your signature goes with this post - it really looks like they're all reacting to what you've just written!

But why is that woman in a picture with a bunch of Presidents?

Was she bringing them drinks or something?

Q: What's the difference between Sarah Palin and a female pit bull?

A: One is sweet and loving if you're her friend, but can turn into a vicious bitch that latches onto her target, locks her jaw, and won't let go until she has killed or been killed . . . and the other is a dog.

[Brother Enoch]

Re: Post Your Jokes Here!

Why are liebrals so stupid? Because, unlike gays, they were born that way!

[Billy Bob Jenkins]

Re: Post Your Jokes Here!

What does Jesus have in His savings account?




144,000 souls!