[UncleRemus]

Re: Good, Clean Christian Jokes

The sunday school teacher asked the children "What part of the body does God use to pull people up to heaven?", and a little girl replied, "It's your hands!" The teacher said, "Why do you say that?" And the girl replied,"Because we use them when we pray." A boy in the back shouted out, "Nope, that ain't it." And the teacher said, "Well then, what part do you say it is?" And the boy said, "It's your feet." So the teacher ask, "Why do you say that?" And the boy said, "Because last night, Mom had both feet straight up in the air and she was screaming, God I'm coming, and if it hadn't been for dad holding her down, she'd been gone for sure."

[Father Maurice Lester]

Re: Good, Clean Christian Jokes

Q. What do Landover women and Betty Crocker have in common?



A. They are both moist and easy!




Bless you, my cousin couplers,
Father Mo

[OnYourKnees]

Re: Good, Clean Christian Jokes

<filth removed>

Uncle "Reamus", that is NOT appropriate for God's Favorite Forum!

[UncleRemus]

Re: Good, Clean Christian Jokes

Uncle "Reamus", that is NOT appropriate for God's Favorite Forum!

Hmmm......... must have been a Mormon or J-dub Sunday school.

[Bobby-Joe]

Re: Good, Clean Christian Jokes

The sunday school teacher asked the children "What part of the body does God use to pull people up to heaven?", and a little girl replied, "It's your hands!" The teacher said, "Why do you say that?" And the girl replied,"Because we use them when we pray." A boy in the back shouted out, "Nope, that ain't it." And the teacher said, "Well then, what part do you say it is?" And the boy said, "It's your feet." So the teacher ask, "Why do you say that?" And the boy said, "Because last night, Mom had both feet straight up in the air and she was screaming, God I'm coming, and if it hadn't been for dad holding her down, she'd been gone for sure."

Why would she be saying that? It is not like it is Rapture or something.

[Daisy Mae Johnson]

Re: Good, Clean Christian Jokes

72 "virgins"

[Bozo James (On Moderation)]

Re: Good, Clean Christian Jokes

So Blondie is the Bible all you thump? (humpa humpa humpa)
Brother James

[Petal]

it true

q. why there be no porto reekans on star trek?

a. cuz they not work in the future niethers

[Pastor Ezekiel]

Re: Good, Clean Christian Jokes

So Blondie is the Bible all you thump? (humpa humpa humpa)
Brother James

Listen sissyboy, keep your filthy perverted paws off my girl. I have been courting sister Thumper for over a year now, and I have the probable intention of possibly considering whether to decide what kind of future together we may or may not have. I know this may be a first for you to hear, but DON'T blow it for me!

Go back to haunting public toilets for your fellow homers, nancyboy.

[Bozo James (On Moderation)]

Re: Good, Clean Christian Jokes

Hey Zeke, do the world a favor when you get married don't procreate and make any more nut cases.

[OnYourKnees]

Re: Good, Clean Christian Jokes

Hey Zeke, do the world a favor when you get married don't procreate and make any more nut cases.

. . . says the pre-op transsexual who hates Jesus.

[OnYourKnees]

Re: Good, Clean Christian Jokes

People wonder why Catholics tolerate pedophile priests. Apparently, they have very high expectations, but not buggering altar boys is not among them!

This isn't really a joke; the Catholic Cult is the joke! But this letter was accidentally forwarded to my church by a Mass <ahem> Mailing Mary-worshipper:

....The Perfect Priest preaches exactly 10 minutes. He condemns sin roundly, but never hurts anyone's feelings. He works from 8 a.m. until midnight, and is also the church janitor.

....The Perfect Priest makes $40 a week, wears good clothes, drives a good car, buys good books, and donates $30 a week to the parish. He is 29 years old and has 40 years' worth of experience. Above all, he is handsome.

....The Perfect Priest has a burning desire to work with teen-agers, and he spends most of his time with the senior citizens. He smiles all the time with a straight face because he has a sense of humor that keeps him seriously dedicated to his parish. He makes 15 home visits a day and is always in his office to be handy when needed.

....The Perfect Priest always has time for parish council and all of it's committees. He never misses the meeting of any parish organization, and is always busy evangelizing the unchurched.

....The Perfect Priest is always in the next parish over!

If your priest does not measure up, simply send this notice to six other parishes that are tired of their priest too. Then bundle up your priest and send him to the parish at the top of your list. If everyone cooperates, in one week you will receive 1, 643 priests. One of them should be perfect.

Have faith in this letter. One parish broke the chain and got its old priest back in less than three months.

-by Father McGinn

[Brother Temperance]

Re: Good, Clean Christian Jokes

This isn't really a joke; the Catholic Cult is the joke! But this letter was accidentally forwarded to my church by a Mass <ahem> Mailing Mary-worshipper:


The Perfect Priest has a burning desire to work with teen-agers

Well, it looks like the Catlick Cult can claim quite a lot of "perfect priests" on that count at least.

[Lunadea]

Re: Good, Clean Christian Jokes

Why would she be saying that? It is not like it is Rapture or something.

Beats me BJ. It doesn't make any sense. Here's a joke that should get me back in good with you fine people. (I've been a bit rude.) It's been in emails but is not one of these dirty type jokes you so often get amongst the heathen masses.
=========================

BARTENDER JOKE

A man walked into a very high-tech bar. As he sat
down on a stool he noticed that the bartender was a
robot.

The robot clicked to attention and asked, "Sir, what
will you have?"

The man thought a moment then replied? "A martini
please."

The robot clicked a couple of times and mixed the
best martini the man had ever had.

The robot then asked, "Sir, what is your IQ?"

The man answered "oh, about 164."

The robot then proceeded to discuss the 'theory of
relativity', 'inter-stellar space travel', 'the
latest medical breakthroughs, etc . . .

The man was most impressed. He left the bar but
thought he would try a different tactic.

He returned and took a seat. Again the robot clicked
and asked what he would have?

"A Martini please." Again it was superb?

The robot again asked "what is your IQ sir?"

This time the man answered, "Oh about 100".

So the robot started discussing NASCAR racing, the
latest basketball scores, and what to expect the
Redskins to do that weekend.

The guy had to try it one more time. So he left,
returned and took a stool . .

Again a martini, again excellent, and again the question, "What is
your IQ?"??

This time the man drawled out "Uh . . . 'bout 50".

The robot clicked then leaned close and very slowly
asked ,

"A-R-e . . . Y-O-U . . P-e-O-p-l-e . . . R-e-a-l-l-y
.. . G-O-I-n-G . . . T-O . . . N-O-m-I-n-a-t-e . .
H-iI-l-l-a-R-y-???"

[Pastor Ezekiel]

Re: Good, Clean Christian Jokes

A nigra buck walks into the employment center and says to the man behind the desk 'I'm looking for a job.'

The man replies 'You are in luck, a very wealthy man has just asked us to fill a job for him this morning. It is for a chauffer to drive his nympho daughter around paying $200k a year. As she wants to travel in class, you will have to drive a Mercedes and because of the late hours, dinners will be provided. You will also have a big house of your own nearby his mansion.'

'Your bullsh*tting me!' says the colored boy.

The man behind the desk says 'Well you started it!'