[Sam Diamond]

Re: I am going to a retreat for a couple of weeks.

Sweet Jesus Cookie get me out of here! I am not in Freehold . I dont think? . Why is everyone being so mean to me? I am not possessed by demons, unless you call the fat chink who wants to butt rape me a demon. Get me out of here.

I pray Sweet Jesus, help this poor lost soul, he is a good man, help him.

[Bible Student]

Re: I am going to a retreat for a couple of weeks.

Sweet Jesus Cookie get me out of here! I am not in Freehold . I dont think? . Why is everyone being so mean to me? I am not possessed by demons, unless you call the fat chink who wants to butt rape me a demon. Get me out of here.

Not everyone. I tried to stick up for you, but my pleas landed on deaf ears. Unfortunately I cannot pull rank because I don't have any rank to pull. I've even neglected my posts on The Opportunity to petition on your behalf. But does anyone care?

[Pastor William Nathaniel Sampson]

Re: I am going to a retreat for a couple of weeks.

[Professor Bessemer]

Re: I am going to a retreat for a couple of weeks.

Goodness gracious, this has gotten quite ridiculous! Brother James is indeed here in Freehold and he is receiving excellent care from myself and my extremely competent staff here at Freehold General. I would think I would get a bit more credit for dealing with what amounts to the complete mental breakdown of a True Christian™ Brother before our very eyes! I am certain that Jesus is weeping in heaven at this very moment, as He is forced to witness this pathetic spectacle that is unfolding here in Freehold.

Just this evening, I was in Brother James secure room when he somehow loosed himself from his restraints and attacked me. He managed to remove my slacks and I dare say that if I still had a functioning anus he would have homosexually violated me! His mind is completely gone I fear, only the Lord Himself can redeem Brother James at this point. I do hope you are all praying for him, as I am.

[Rev. M. Rodimer]

Re: I am going to a retreat for a couple of weeks.

OH THANK GOD™!

James is safe in Landover ? ? ?

I can't wait to hear all the details. Did you burn down that blasted monestary ? ? ? ?

How do I get out of here ? ? ?

I am crying I am so happy

Sister, you should probably pay a visit to the monastery anyway . . . You know, just so you can see the cell where James was kept, and make sure he didn't leave one of his cuff links behind or something.

[Mistress Cookie]

Re: I am going to a retreat for a couple of weeks.

Sister, you should probably pay a visit to the monastery anyway . . . You know, just so you can see the cell where James was kept, and make sure he didn't leave one of his cuff links behind or something.

I'm thinking EXACTLY the same thing, Reverend! I was up late last night with some English-speaking GIs who say they can get me there, but now I'm getting myself together for the "final push".

I found a tailor here in Beijing who's making some monks' robes for me and James. I really don't want to shave my head. I also ordered some suits and dresses from the tailor since I lost my luggage, so hopefully those won't take a long time to fit. I also want to get to a beauty parlor because James hasn't seen me in a while, and I need new shoes once I pick out the fabrics for the new clothes.

[HTannor]

Re: I am going to a retreat for a couple of weeks.

Please, please, be extremely cautious Sister Cookie.

Chinks, American speaking or not, are a sly bunch. They may well lead you into some sort of isolated antechamber (read: nookie parlor) filled with imported (from Mexico) jade figurines and other oriental geegaws and attempt to, dare I say, "seduce" you.

If there is an odor in the air (and here I'm speaking about the cases of Vaseline I sent them) then you would be wise to rethink you decision to travel to that place - as if rethinking the decision will do you much good at that point.

So, I'm thinking when you pack for the journey you might slip a "little something" into your suitcase (and here I'm thinking something really serious in a Glock 9 millimeter sort of way).

Never, ever, trust those fish head eaters.

[Rev. M. Rodimer]

Re: I am going to a retreat for a couple of weeks.

I'm thinking EXACTLY the same thing, Reverend! I was up late last night with some English-speaking GIs who say they can get me there, but now I'm getting myself together for the "final push".

I found a tailor here in Beijing who's making some monks' robes for me and James. I really don't want to shave my head. I also ordered some suits and dresses from the tailor since I lost my luggage, so hopefully those won't take a long time to fit. I also want to get to a beauty parlor because James hasn't seen me in a while, and I need new shoes once I pick out the fabrics for the new clothes.

Sister, I have some good news!

The bids are in for the construction of the retreat center and spa, and they are lower than anticipated.

My Board, understanding James's current situation, has authorized me to wire $20,000 to you to help in your journey to retrieve his missing diamond cuff link. They agree it's the least they can do to help, after all he's done for us.

Please PM me the details.

[Benedict A. Davis]

Re: I am going to a retreat for a couple of weeks.

Sister, I have some good news!

The bids are in for the construction of the retreat center and spa, and they are lower than anticipated.

My Board, understanding James's current situation, has authorized me to wire $20,000 to you to help in your journey to retrieve his missing diamond cuff link. They agree it's the least they can do to help, after all he's done for us.

Please PM me the details.

This was ok'd by your Church Elders, Uncle Guido and his boys? How odd they seem to be ''God helps them that helps themselves'' types. Their visit to Brother Porter must have been a very fruitful meeting.

[Rev. M. Rodimer]

Re: I am going to a retreat for a couple of weeks.

This was ok'd by your Church Elders, Uncle Guido and his boys? How odd they seem to be ''God helps them that helps themselves'' types. Their visit to Brother Porter must have been a very fruitful meeting.

Oh, they're not on the Board of Directors. They're just members of the congregation.

Guido does tell me that they brought back a souvenir from their meeting, but won't show it to me. He just says it's something he thinks "will come in handy", and then they all laugh.

A glove, perhaps?

Say, where IS Porter?

[Mistress Cookie]

Re: I am going to a retreat for a couple of weeks.

I made it to the foot of Mount Song, in the city of Defeng. I can SEE the monestary! It is formidable.

I saw that movie Crouching Coolie, Hidden Drug Dealer, so I know these monsterous people can fly off walls and leap 200 feet in the air, and I am a bit worried.

Adding to my anxiety, the tailor misunderstood and made me a nun's habbit instead of a chinese monk's robe. I feel so dirty! (But at least it's black)

When night falls, Operation Freedom Train can begin.

Pray for me!

[James Dewitt]

Re: I am going to a retreat for a couple of weeks.

I made it to the foot of Mount Song, in the city of Defeng. I can SEE the monestary! It is formidable.

I saw that movie Crouching Coolie, Hidden Drug Dealer, so I know these monsterous people can fly off walls and leap 200 feet in the air, and I am a bit worried.

Adding to my anxiety, the tailor misunderstood and made me a nun's habbit instead of a chinese monk's robe. I feel so dirty! (But at least it's black)

When night falls, Operation Freedom Train can begin.

Pray for me!

Praise Jesus, Cookie you are here. Do not listen to the others, I know Bessemer says that I am in Freehold, but I am not. I don't understand why they are saying things like that. Don't worry about the fat chink guard, he cant see his feet let alone jump more than 2 feet. Do you have a change of clothes for me, I have been in the same Armani suit for a few weeks now. I gust caught the smell of freedom, its your perfume.

[Mistress Cookie]

Re: I am going to a retreat for a couple of weeks.

Praise Jesus, Cookie you are here...Do you have a change of clothes for me, I have been in the same Armani suit for a few weeks now. I gust caught the smell of freedom, its your perfume.

I am sorry to say they made you a nun's habbit (like mine). Their Engrish wasn't so good. But I don't see what other choice we have. I also got a pair of blackberry phones in case we get separated. Just make sure the ringer is OFF.

Do they jail catlick missionaries here? People are looking at me funny.

G-DAMN THAT SHIFTY TAILOR, PING WOO!

[James Dewitt]

Re: I am going to a retreat for a couple of weeks.

I am sorry to say they made you a nun's habbit (like mine). Their Engrish wasn't so good. But I don't see what other choice we have. I also got a pair of blackberry phones in case we get separated. Just make sure the ringer is OFF.

Do they jail catlick missionaries here? People are looking at me funny.

G-DAMN THAT SHIFTY TAILOR, PING WOO!

A dress well at least its black. Will we have to wear the G Damn horse collar hat as well, its OK I have not had a shave or haircut in weeks. I showered last week, I refuse to do it this week, the chinks kept staring at my nakedness and pointing at my......... Do you have plane tickets, OH please tell me you do, I will even fly coach.

Love James.

[Mistress Cookie]

Re: I am going to a retreat for a couple of weeks.

Do you have plane tickets, OH please tell me you do, I will even fly coach.

I only have my jewelry and some change from the tailor (I bet he ripped me off) Yes the habbits have big wimples I guess it's good the catlick nuns are so ashamed of being brides of satan they don't like to show their faces BUT this works in our favor, now.

I don't have plane tickets I don't even have a passport any more!

Write a note to the fat guard thanking him for letting you bribe your way out and saying we're headed NORTH. We'll plant some jewelry on him on the way out. Hide note under mattress for them to find later. Then we'll go EAST (?) to Shanghai and figure things out.

oh james i am frightened. I am so nervous I need to devour a big lunch. Do you know any good restaurants here, preferably near the Red Lotus Motel?