[Sam Diamond]

Re: I am going to a retreat for a couple of weeks.

Sweet Jesus Cookie get me out of here! I am not in Freehold . I dont think? . Why is everyone being so mean to me? I am not possessed by demons, unless you call the fat chink who wants to butt rape me a demon. Get me out of here.

I pray Sweet Jesus, help this poor lost soul, he is a good man, help him.

[James Dewitt]

Re: I am going to a retreat for a couple of weeks.

Sweet Jesus Cookie get me out of here! I am not in Freehold . I dont think? . Why is everyone being so mean to me? I am not possessed by demons, unless you call the fat chink who wants to butt rape me a demon. Get me out of here.

[Benedict A. Davis]

Re: I am going to a retreat for a couple of weeks.

I remember reading reports, many years ago [and possibly laying on Dick Cheney's desk, seen whilst dusting it off] that the Federal Government had been caught up in a bit of a mess, giving Federal prisoners [and the odd CIA analyst]regular doses of the drug LSD. Brother James hasn't done any time in a Federal Institution in his past? While looking for demons it might be a good idea to consider what the hippie types call a flashback. I have no idea what the difference is in the two or if these flashbacks can happen multiple times. My prayers are with him and any member of the GOP that has to do ''time'' under this demonocraptic,osamma-yo-momma led government.

[HTannor]

Re: I am going to a retreat for a couple of weeks.

In my learned opinion, Brother James' presence here in Freehold precludes any judicial action in the canuckistan fag courts.

I will require him to appear in my court* and give testimony concerning his competence in handling his own affairs.

I'm particularly looking forward to the deposition concerning his boat and my revenue stream due to the rather large footprint in maintains on my property.




*Some may challenge whether I have a vested interest in this case and may well demand my recusal**. Well, phooey on them - I have a piece of the action hanging on this case and will rule accordingly.


**"Recusal" is a term well known amongst the graduates of the LaSalle Correspondence School and means something about bowing out of a case, if I recall correctly. I don't expect mere laypersonages to recognize the term since they never attended dear old LCS - go ACs! (the fighting "Ambulance Chasers" - that's was the nickname of our tiddly-winks team.)

[Professor Bessemer]

Re: I am going to a retreat for a couple of weeks.

He may be having liver function issues, but I am not certain. His spiritual healing is the number one priority right now, we will deal with any physical issues once the demons have been driven from him.

It could also be from being in close contact with the Chinese. The research is brand new and is yet unpublished, but it seems Orientalism may be spread by a heretofore undiscovered retrovirus that has been temporarily named Slantslopeous chingchongovirus.

[Mistress Cookie]

Re: I am going to a retreat for a couple of weeks.

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Oh my God(tm)!!! Why does his skin look so YELLOW ? ? ? He said he was kept in a room, so it can't be a tan ? ?

[Professor Bessemer]

Re: I am going to a retreat for a couple of weeks.

Do you have a picture of him? I've waited so long to see his face again, to know he's all in one piece...oh God™, it's like a miracle!

He is a picture I took of him yesterday morning after a particularly rough night. He has lost a bit of weight during his ordeal. That may be the one silver lining to this whole sordid situation. His is actually looking quite trim.

[Mistress Cookie]

Re: I am going to a retreat for a couple of weeks.

Yes Sister, he is here in Iowa...As for the monastery, we are in negotiations with the Chinese government concerning a surgical air strike. If you are currently anywhere in the immediate vicinity, I would suggest you leave the area without any further delay.

Do you have a picture of him? I've waited so long to see his face again, to know he's all in one piece...oh God™, it's like a miracle!

[Professor Bessemer]

Re: I am going to a retreat for a couple of weeks.

OH THANK GOD™!

James is safe in Landover ? ? ?

I can't wait to hear all the details. Did you burn down that blasted monestary ? ? ? ?

How do I get out of here ? ? ?

I am crying I am so happy

Yes Sister, he is here in Iowa, but he is far from safe. The demons that have possessed him are strong. He spends a good part of his day gnashing his teeth and abusing himself sexually. The stories of being raped were fantastical retellings of things he has actually been doing to himself.

We have found it necessary in the last few days to keep him restrained and medicated most of the time. Also, several of the leeches we applied to his posterior in the hopes that they would help draw the demons out of his anus seem to be missing. Judging by the dysentery he is now suffering from, I believe he has eaten them. Please join me in praying for him.

As for the monastery, we are in negotiations with the Chinese government concerning a surgical air strike. If you are currently anywhere in the immediate vicinity, I would suggest you leave the area without any further delay.

[Mistress Cookie]

Re: I am going to a retreat for a couple of weeks.

OH THANK GOD™!

James is safe in Landover ? ? ?

I can't wait to hear all the details. Did you burn down that blasted monestary ? ? ? ?

How do I get out of here ? ? ?

I am crying I am so happy

[Professor Bessemer]

Re: I am going to a retreat for a couple of weeks.

Just to set the record straight, Brother James is no longer in China. His demonic delusions have completely taken over his brain. Brother Portway and I retrieved him over a week ago and he has been here at Landover General Hospital under close supervision ever since.

As part of his therapy, we have decided to let him believe whatever he wants to believe, within reason. Please, if you feel that playing along with him will help us to remove the demons from his colon, by all means do.

Also, I need to contact a Pastor about Sister Cookie. It seems she did not get the memo about Brother James being spirited out of China. As soon as we get approval from the Pastors and the Chinese government, we will be sending one of the new Landover AirJesus G650s to retrieve our addle brained True Christian™ Sister. We are also planning on sending a deprogrammer on the flight to nip any Communist or Buddhist contamination in the bud. Carry on.

[Mistress Cookie]

Re: I am going to a retreat for a couple of weeks.

James:

I got a local map, but I don't think it's that good. I didn't know China was all crammed in one place. But that makes sense now because everyone says it's crowded. I started at Beijing Street and it looks like the monestary is between here and Shanghai Street. If I get to the beach I'll know I went too far.

The g-damn coolies are no help. They just say Yes to everything and nod and nod and nod. THERE'S SOMETHING FURTIVE and INSCRUTABLE about them, almost communist. I'll just keep walking rather than rely on them. They talk in some secret language code (NOT English) in an attempt to keep me from knowing what they're saying.

If I see a pawn shop I'll sell a bracelet or something. Do you think I should look for a geisha costume? Of what do these monks wear? If it's a long, flowing dress then that wouldn't be cross-dressing (for me) (though they are damned.) Are they like the Catlick monks, with lots of 10-year-old schoolboys waiting on them hand and foot? I might be able to pull off a schoolgirl outfit?

[James Dewitt]

Re: I am going to a retreat for a couple of weeks.

Cookie where are you, remember to wear a disguise so they don't know you are a round eye, they hate us.

[Bible Student]

Re: I am going to a retreat for a couple of weeks.

Follow the path, small guard house with fat chink guard.

Sister Cookie, be very careful. This might be a chink trick to kidnap you. We need assurances that it is actually Brother James who is supplying you the information. Should you get captured, I don't want to think of what they might do to a True Christian(tm) lady like you. After all look at all the travails Brother James has gone through, all that anal rape (and as some of his own people claim without Vaseline).

And don't forget the poisoned shellfish.

[James Dewitt]

Re: I am going to a retreat for a couple of weeks.

OMG...I'm in China, can barely walk. (will explain later)

JAMES!

I got a map of the monestary site!

Do you know what room you're in ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ?
.

Follow the path, small guard house with fat chink guard.