[Lycia The Repentant]

Re: I am going to a retreat for a couple of weeks.

Are you saying that DFAC is not, in fact, a charitable organization?

Dear Rev. Rodimer,

I can see why you'd be a bit confused about this, allow me to clear it up for you.

PFAC (formerly known as DFAC) is a charitable organization, though not in the manner that you would call a 501(c)(3) nonprofit charitable. The directors at PFAC feel the best way to be charitable is by having more assets to be charitable with, and that is why PFAC is decidedly for-profit.

To put it another way, the directors at PFAC feel it's what Jesus would have wanted.

"And cast ye the unprofitable servant into outer darkness: there shall be weeping and gnashing of teeth." Matthew 25:30

Your's in Christ,

Lycia, former member of the DFAC family.

That's what you wanted me to say, right Brother Harold?

[Brother Harold Porter]

Re: I am going to a retreat for a couple of weeks.

Brother Porter, I'm a bit concerned.

Brother James represented that DFAC was a charitable, non-profit 501©(3) foundation. As such, its articles of incorporation must specify that no assets may inure to the benefit of any individual upon the dissolution of the corporation; they must instead be distributed to other charitable organizations, or to the state, or the USA.

Non-profit corporations do not have "stock".

Are you saying that DFAC is not, in fact, a charitable organization?

Reverend,

At this time, I cannot answer such questions and must ask that any further inquiries be directed to our counsel in the firm of Goldblatt, Seinfeld, Mee and Horowitz.

Sincerely,

Harold Porter

CEO PFAC Ministries

[James Dewitt]

Re: I am going to a retreat for a couple of weeks.

Reverend,

At this time, I cannot answer such questions and must ask that any further inquiries be directed to our counsel in the firm of Goldblatt, Seinfeld, Mee and Horowitz.

Sincerely,

Harold Porter

CEO PFAC Ministries

While you and Hutchins think you are cute, rest assured that the deed to the building is in a secure bank, and no its not in the Caymans. I do hope you can afford the rent. Now as far as controlling interests, I can assure you the the other two parties who make large payments to DFAC will stop. Perhaps you and Hutchins should look into the Bible, look for information on stealing. May Jesus have pity on your black heart!

[James Hutchins]

Re: I am going to a retreat for a couple of weeks.

Well, I am exhausted.

I tried all night to get the money for Mr. Dewitt. I've signed countless vouchers against his corporate accounts. 28 hours straight at the tables and I lost. At one point I was up a couple of hundred thousand but the ladies at the table distracted me and I kept betting when I should of quit. After a good rest, I'll try again tomorrow. Mandi and Candi say 'Hi".

Hang in there, I am doing all I can for you. There are video tapes proving I have not had any personal gain from any of this.

[proteastantguy]

Re: I am going to a retreat for a couple of weeks.

Mr. Dewitt, I thought you were such a good christian. But I hope you get back on The Lord's path again.

[James Dewitt]

Re: I am going to a retreat for a couple of weeks.

Dear Rev. Rodimer,

I can see why you'd be a bit confused about this, allow me to clear it up for you.

PFAC (formerly known as DFAC) is a charitable organization, though not in the manner that you would call a 501©(3) nonprofit charitable. The directors at PFAC feel the best way to be charitable is by having more assets to be charitable with, and that is why PFAC is decidedly for-profit.

To put it another way, the directors at PFAC feel it's what Jesus would have wanted.

"And cast ye the unprofitable servant into outer darkness: there shall be weeping and gnashing of teeth." Matthew 25:30

Your's in Christ,

Lycia, former member of the DFAC family.

That's what you wanted me to say, right Brother Harold?

YOU ARE FIRED

[Benedict A. Davis]

Re: I am going to a retreat for a couple of weeks.

YOU ARE FIRED

Brother James, In case you are going through old resumes to fill this position, I am no longer available. I know I told you I would help out through this spring but I am finding I am spending a lot of time with my new pets T-Bone and Ribeye. I am still trying to housebreak these pint sized cows but it really is an uphill battle. They aren't very smart you know...cute though! Again sorry I wouldn't be able to fill the job, even part time.
YIC

[HTannor]

Re: I am going to a retreat for a couple of weeks.

When Brother James first announced he was going on a retreat, I gave him the benefit of the doubt, and felt he could probably use the rest.

As this story unfolded, I became more and more concerned.

I am now of the opinion that this whole affair may well be a matter for the judiciary.

Obviously I cannot start the action since I may well end up hearing the case.



I see several questions that need resolution:

- Brother DeWitt's state of mind.

- His competence to handle his own affairs

- Whether an executor of affairs should be appointed

- Who that executor should be

- The disposition of all property, both real and personal

- Whether those assets should liquidated

- How much the Landover Baptist Church should benefit

- What to do with his boat that still sits in my yard

- Whether I can keep the rent payments those messicans are paying me to live in said boat.

[Pastor J.C. Manning, M.D., Ph.D.]

Re: I am going to a retreat for a couple of weeks.

Dear Friends,

I am afraid I have bad news which I unfortunately have to share with all of you. Brother Dewitt's relatives contacted me to investigate his health as they got tired of his excessive drooling. I have investigated Brother Dewitt thoroughly and based on my extensive medical expertise I have come to a shocking conclusion. It is with a deep sadness in my heart that, at least for now, I have to declare James Dewitt insane. Brother HTannor will take it from here to handle the legal side of this unfortunate tragedy.

"And as he thus spake for himself, Festus said with a loud voice, Paul, thou art beside thyself; much learning doth make thee mad." (Acts 26:24)

Yours in Christ,

Pastor J.C. Manning, M.D., Ph.D.

[Professor Bessemer]

Re: I am going to a retreat for a couple of weeks.

Dear Friends,

I am afraid I have bad news which I unfortunately have to share with all of you. Brother Dewitt's relatives contacted me to investigate his health as they got tired of his excessive drooling. I have investigated Brother Dewitt thoroughly and based on my extensive medical expertise I have come to a shocking conclusion. It is with a deep sadness in my heart that, at least for now, I have to declare James Dewitt insane. Brother HTannor will take it from here to handle the legal side of this unfortunate tragedy.

"And as he thus spake for himself, Festus said with a loud voice, Paul, thou art beside thyself; much learning doth make thee mad." (Acts 26:24)

Yours in Christ,

Pastor J.C. Manning, M.D., Ph.D.

Pastor Manning, while meaning well, has I fear not been completely forthcoming about Brother James' condition. While it is true that he is not in control of his faculties, the cause is much more sinister than simple madness.

It is my Scientheistic opinion that Brother Dewitt is possessed by no less three demons, two of which are insane themselves. Demon possession is frightening enough when the demon itself is simply evil and sane. But when the demon is non compos mentis, things can get very complicated indeed.

I have prescribed the traditional ice baths, foot whippings, and rectal leeches for our dear Brother. If and when any or all of the demons have been driven out of him, I will post again in this thread. Unfortunately, if you do not hear from me, there is no good news. Please pray for Brother James that God drives the demons that infest him out of his anus that we may once again call him our True Christian™ Brother.

I must also request that no one visit Brother James. If a demon were to be loosed from his colon while he had a visitor, that visitor would be in grave spiritual and physical danger. Amen.

[Mistress Cookie]

Re: I am going to a retreat for a couple of weeks.

Brothers and sisters in Christ™:

I am sorely distressed by what I am reading here. If anyone were not familiar with the goodly citizens of Landover, they might attribute greed and avarice to them. Yes, and deceptions!

Do not forget what the pint-sized Jesus™ rained down on the moneychangers in the temple. And what is happening here in these transactions, but the changing of Brother DeWitt’s money?

Matthew 21:12 And Jesus went into the temple of God, and cast out all them that sold and bought in the temple, and overthrew the tables of the moneychangers, and the seats of them that sold doves,

As far as I understand the blessed Scriptures©, it is not our place to value gold above even one True Christian™ soul, or life.

Matthew 25:40-43 And the King shall answer and say unto them, Verily I say unto you, Inasmuch as ye have done it unto one of the least of these my brethren, ye have done it unto me. / Then shall he say also unto them on the left hand, Depart from me, ye cursed, into everlasting fire, prepared for the devil and his angels: / For I was an hungred, and ye gave me no meat: I was thirsty, and ye gave me no drink: / I was a stranger, and ye took me not in: naked, and ye clothed me not: sick, and in prison, and ye visited me not.

I am fleeing the shelter, and should make it to China tomorrow night. I will surely arrange for Brother DeWitt to speak on his own behalf via speakerphone, or some such device, and I humbly request a tribunal meeting of the Church Pastors be held, with a goal toward advising the Men of Landover to cease and desist with this irrgular dispersing of the DeWitt assets.

I am so distressed by these recent developments. Surely this cannot be as God™ desires?


.

[HTannor]

Re: I am going to a retreat for a couple of weeks.

........and I humbly request a tribunal meeting of the Church Pastors be held, with a goal toward advising the Men of Landover to cease and desist with this irrgular dispersing of the DeWitt assets.

Sister Cookie, you can be assured my Judicial Oath of Office clearly states that I must impartial in adjudicating my responsibilities.

I believe so much in these words that I would gladly sit in as a mediator of the deliberations of this august body. I would lend my sobering influence to the proceedings.

Perhaps prior to the meeting we can resolve the pesky issue of Brother James boat and the revenue stream it's created. With this issue resolved, then I would be able to be way less partial in the ultimate dispersal of his assets.

[James Dewitt]

Re: I am going to a retreat for a couple of weeks.

Brothers and sisters in Christ™:

I am sorely distressed by what I am reading here. If anyone were not familiar with the goodly citizens of Landover, they might attribute greed and avarice to them. Yes, and deceptions!

Do not forget what the pint-sized Jesus™ rained down on the moneychangers in the temple. And what is happening here in these transactions, but the changing of Brother DeWitt’s money?


As far as I understand the blessed Scriptures©, it is not our place to value gold above even one True Christian™ soul, or life.


I am fleeing the shelter, and should make it to China tomorrow night. I will surely arrange for Brother DeWitt to speak on his own behalf via speakerphone, or some such device, and I humbly request a tribunal meeting of the Church Pastors be held, with a goal toward advising the Men of Landover to cease and desist with this irrgular dispersing of the DeWitt assets.

I am so distressed by these recent developments. Surely this cannot be as God™ desires?


.

My Dear Friend Mistress Cookie, I feel much better knowing that you are speeding your way to free me. Why have all my fellow Christians forsaken me? What have I done to deserve this? I have always helped each and everyone of them, shared my wealth without every asking for anything in return. Yet in my hour of need they look the other way and speak of lies and stealing. You have never asked me for anything, yet you and you alone speed to my rescue. Bless you Sister.

For your eyes only

Something terrible has happened. This evening 6 guards entered my cell, they stripped me naked and bound me with leather, Sister they raped me.
I have been sodomized by Chinks. Can Jesus forgive me, I fought them off as long as I could. One of them the fat one hit me over the head, when I came too, they where taking turns rap.........I cant say it, I feel so dirty. Will Jesus forgive me?


Psalm 101:7

He that worketh deceit shall not dwell within my house: he that telleth lies shall not tarry in my sight

Proverbs 19:5

A false witness shall not be unpunished, and he that speaketh lies shall not escape.

Deuteronomy 24:7


If a man be found stealing any of his brethren of the children of Israel, and maketh merchandise of him, or selleth him; then that thief shall die; and thou shalt put evil away from among you.

Hosea 4:2


By swearing, and lying, and killing, and stealing, and committing adultery, they break out, and blood toucheth blood.

[Brother Enoch]

Re: I am going to a retreat for a couple of weeks.

When Brother James first announced he was going on a retreat, I gave him the benefit of the doubt, and felt he could probably use the rest.

As this story unfolded, I became more and more concerned.

I am now of the opinion that this whole affair may well be a matter for the judiciary.

Obviously I cannot start the action since I may well end up hearing the case.

I agree wholeheartedly, Judge Tannor, and do hope fervently that this matter comes before you to be resolved.

I see several questions that need resolution:

- Brother DeWitt's state of mind.

There are several likely possibilities: brainwashed, delusional, under duress or demon-infested.

- His competence to handle his own affairs

Clearly he is not competent. I am praying this changes, but until then he cannot be trusted to maintain his own financial affairs.

- Whether an executor of affairs should be appointed

- Who that executor should be

Fortunately, the law is very clear on this. Should Brother DeWitt be declared incompetent and unable to handle his own affairs, control of all his holdings shall pass to his heir, his eldest son. It so happens that his eldest son is a minor, and married to my daughter, also a minor. Both are under my guardianship. Therefore until Brother DeWitt's son turns 18 (or Brother DeWitt recovers), control of all assets falls to me.

- The disposition of all property, both real and personal

- Whether those assets should liquidated

Both of these are the decision of his heir, or in this case, his heir's guardian.

- How much the Landover Baptist Church should benefit

I foresee a tripling of Brother DeWitt's current contributions.

- What to do with his boat that still sits in my yard

- Whether I can keep the rent payments those messicans are paying me to live in said boat.

I foresee no reason why the boat and the rent should not both become your property. After all, Brother DeWitt has no further use for them. Also, I believe Brother DeWitt owns a small island (10 square miles) in the Bahamas on which he has a large estate. I would hate to see it fall into disrepair, so you would be doing me a great favor indeed were you to assume ownership of said property. After all, what good is a boat without an island to sail too?

I'm looking forward to appearing in front of you, Judge Tannor.

[lilith]

Re: I am going to a retreat for a couple of weeks.

Yea, I've been there before.

Ask for Vicki at the Thai Massage Parlor Christian Supply Shoppe.

I wonder why no one is surprised that you've been on retreat Zeke?!

Its such hard work,being a Xtian & constantly denying reality,that they need a rest every now & then....or something.