[Rev. M. Rodimer]

Re: What do you do to show the LOVE of CHRIST in you?

Amen Brother Bob! Just as Jesus was humble, are we called to be humble!

Sometimes I get so overpowered with the Holy Spirit that I cannot but help sharing this great gift of humility! Why, when the Etheldreda families takes occasional respite in family restaurants, Mr. Etheldreda stands up and loudly proclaims our gratitude for such a fine meal. As he asks Christ Jesus to bless our meal, he asks for Christ to bless the meals of every patron in the dining establishment! Oh you should see the looks of sheer surprise when people realize they can thank God for their food away from their own dining room tables!

Sister, Widow Helen and I like to go just one step farther than this.

We go to the Town Council meetings and take full advantage of the Public Comment period.

You see, North Salem does not allow prayer to open or close the Council meetings. So, with our three minutes each, Widow Helen and I offer six minutes of praising the Lord, or of exhorting our neighbors to fight the Culture of Death (abortion/contraception), or simply describing just what it is homosexuals want to do to young boys and girls.

We've been doing it for months now, and it's always gone well! Last week, some jokester got up after us and prayed to Allah, asking that Allah turn the hearts and minds of the Council to him and bring them to institute Shariah law. Then came someone praying to Cthulhu, begging him to awaken and rise from the bottom of the sea and eat the people of North Salem first. Third was a Pastafarian, who yammered something unintelligible about stripper volcanoes and beer urinal cakes, and then some utter waste of oxygen who started praying to half a tuna salad sandwich. On whole wheat. With sprouts.

They thought they had the last laugh, but as they piled into their car in the parking lot and tried to drive away--oh, yes, they all came together, what a surprise--they found themselves suddenly boxed in by pickup trucks.

Widow Helen wasn't feeling well, so I had to walk her home and couldn't stay to help my neighbors witness to those four young men. But let me tell you, I could hear those boys crying out for Jesus to save them when we were only two blocks away!

A few days later, I ran into the sheriff and asked him what happened. He told me that those four boys met Jesus that night.

Glory!

[Daisy Mae Johnson]

Re: What do you do to show the LOVE of CHRIST in you?

I go on Soul Saving Missions because I am such a good True Christian.


I like to go to the major hospitals in Des Moines and visit dying patients.

I ask them if they are Saved™. If they say no I take it upon myself to Baptise them. If they are unable to speak, such as a comatose person, I am polite and drop some water on their foreheads using a small spray bottle.

If they are rude or tell me to get the *bleep* out of their room I use more tactical methods like my handy dandy Baptismal Super Soaker.

Being one of GOD'S Elect I know what is best for them.

I know it's very kind and selfless of me.

BLESSINGS!

Sister Thumper

[Bob4God]

Re: What do you do to show the LOVE of CHRIST in you?

If they are rude or tell me to get the *bleep* out of their room I use more tactical methods like my handy dandy Baptismal Super Soaker. r

Oh, Glory!

If the hospital has those fancy adjustable electric beds, you could just start reclining it till the patient slips headfirst into a conveniently placed baptismal bucket.

Speaking from experience, there isn't a lot the patient can do about that unless they reach the 'call' button and a nurse comes in to throw a fit.