God punishes doctor with Ebola!

[Yea-tho-we-walk]

God will not be mocked, as a cocky doctor found out recently in Africa. It seems a doctor got Ebola and possibly the crabs (not yet verified) from having gay sex with green monkeys in the demon filled dark continent. In an unofficial preliminary report, the doctor claimed it was not gay sex and he claimed it was consensual most of the time. It is rumored that the crazed doctor is planning on returning to the states in an attempt to recruit other Ebola victims. For the next thirty days, it is very important not to have sexual relations with your doctor. This may sound like an odd request, but it is better to play it safe.

[Thomas Helwys]

Re: God punishes doctor with Ebola!

Quick question since I'm new here: When Landover Baptist Church sends missionaries out to the Dark Continent do make every effort to ensure they are hermetically sealed so they don't have to actually touch anything and get sick?

[Elmer G. White]

Re: God punishes doctor with Ebola!

Quick question since I'm new here: When Landover Baptist Church sends missionaries out to the Dark Continent do make every effort to ensure they are hermetically sealed so they don't have to actually touch anything and get sick?

Oh, yes! A True Believer™ is 'sealed' in a protective layer of prayer. If it is God's work, a necessary task to bring forth the Commands of God, then God will protect and, in case of contamination, God will heal.

Psalms 23:4
Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: for thou art with me; thy rod and thy staff they comfort me.

Malachi 3:6
For I [am] the LORD, I change not; therefore ye sons of Jacob are not consumed.


Of course, at the same time it is God's will not to mingle with unbelievers too closely.

2 Corinthians 6:14
Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers: for what fellowship hath righteousness with unrighteousness? and what communion hath light with darkness?


I am sure these verses are helpful in case you're planning to start a personal missionary quest in Heathen Continent!


Yours in Christ,

Elmer

[Pastor Ezekiel]

Re: God punishes doctor with Ebola!

I've been all over the land of chinks, gooks and various slants, and Jesus has protected me every step of the way. That's GOD POWER right there. God doesn't give out cancer and the AIDS and Ebola and the like unless He has a reason.

You see, when really bad things happen (like you get eaten by wild beasts, get killed in war, get sick and die, etc.), then you'll know that it was God that did it to you. That's what the Holy Bible says. Plastic suits won't stop God from giving you a dose. God laughs at things like that.

Ezekiel 14:13 Son of man, when the land sinneth against me by trespassing grievously, then will I stretch out mine hand upon it, and will break the staff of the bread thereof, and will send famine upon it, and will cut off man and beast from it:

14:15 If I cause noisome beasts to pass through the land, and they spoil it, so that it be desolate, that no man may pass through because of the beasts:

14:17 Or if I bring a sword upon that land, and say, Sword, go through the land; so that I cut off man and beast from it:

14:19 Or if I send a pestilence into that land, and pour out my fury upon it in blood, to cut off from it man and beast:

14:21 For thus saith the Lord GOD; How much more when I send my four sore judgments upon Jerusalem, the sword, and the famine, and the noisome beast, and the pestilence, to cut off from it man and beast?

Those people who got sick are probably Methodists.

[ExGay Alex]

Re: God punishes doctor with Ebola!

Two American, white, God-fearing, Christian missionaries infected in Africa have been returned to the USA and will probably live. Why? Because God favors such people. People who fit the description above are His favorites and do not die of Ebola.

Take that, Nigras, atheists and/or foreigners!

[Mary Etheldreda]

Re: God punishes doctor with Ebola!

Oh, yes! A True Believer™ is 'sealed' in a protective layer of prayer. If it is God's work, a necessary task to bring forth the Commands of God, then God will protect and, in case of contamination, God will heal.

Indeed, Brother! True Christians™ have Real Faith™ and that means Jesus' promise is fulfilled:

Verily, verily, I say unto you, He that believeth on me, the works that I do shall he do also;
and greater works than these shall he do; because I go unto my Father.
John 14:12

You'll never see a True Christian™ try and protect himself from the consequences of Sin with earthly tools like the foolish Jew.



Idiot Jew

[Alvin Moss]

Re: God punishes doctor with Ebola!

I believe that the Jews may be at the root of this outbreak. They have a well deserved reputation as well poisoners and spreaders of disease. They are a sly people and they may have been able to figure out a way to circumvent the protective procedures that are in place. They may be practicing among the Negroes before they use that Ebola to wipe out the Arabs.

Now, I certainly have no objection to the massacre of the Arabs, as they worship a false god and cause a lot of trouble, but I am afraid this Ebola may get loose and get us all, even Christians.

I see that the Jew doctors have invented some kind of secret cure and they have given it to a Christian to test out. They seem to be keeping most of it for themselves, though. They don't want to give any of it to the Negroes.

Being Jews, they may charge a very high price for the cure if they could get Ebola started up everywhere. They could get rid of their enemies and make a lot of money at the same time.

Yes, the more I think about it, the more certain I am that this is what is going on.