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How to out-Hispander the democrats: introducing the Republicanistas
Obviously the only way the Republican Party can continue to exist is to become the Republicanistas. This thread is for brainstorming ways to go about this.
First of all, let's stress the places where we agree with Catholics. That rules out everything except for abortion and gays, which is convenient, because most Protestants already don't talk about anything else.
2. Operation Malvinas Liberation. (The Malvinas are also known as the Falkland Islands - by their redcoat oppressors!) I know the British won't like it, but how many votes do they have in Florida?
3. "Evita" is now a must-watch for all Republicanistas. I know Madonna is a harlot and a jew, but just try to imagine Sarah Palin in her place. Along with the Peronistas, it's also worth studying Agusta Pinochet, Rafael Trujillo, and Anastastio Somoza.
4. They like miracles. If someone had found Mitt Romney's face in a nacho we would have won in a landslide. It will be expensive to check every nacho ever baked, but we spent several billion dollars on ads this election alone, so I think we can afford it if we use illegal immigrants and/or prison labor.
5. Our candidate in 2016 should be a General with a huge amount of medals. I don't know why, but Latin Americans sure love their bling-covered Generalissimos. Just look at them:
Wimpy little bits of facial hair are popular for some reason.
Franco. I know Spain isn't actually part of Mexico, but the fruit doesn't fall far from the tree. Same wimpy mustache.
Batista, Of Cuba. Does Jeb Bush ever dress up like this? he should.
Somoza, of Nicaragua. Here's a good slogan: "Omaba wants to turn Nicaragua into ni99eragua!"
Not much bling on Panama's Noriega. No wonder he didn't last long.
Shiny sunglasses are big too, at least for bodyguards.
THIS. We need THIS.
Who else has ideas?
First of all, let's stress the places where we agree with Catholics. That rules out everything except for abortion and gays, which is convenient, because most Protestants already don't talk about anything else.
2. Operation Malvinas Liberation. (The Malvinas are also known as the Falkland Islands - by their redcoat oppressors!) I know the British won't like it, but how many votes do they have in Florida?
3. "Evita" is now a must-watch for all Republicanistas. I know Madonna is a harlot and a jew, but just try to imagine Sarah Palin in her place. Along with the Peronistas, it's also worth studying Agusta Pinochet, Rafael Trujillo, and Anastastio Somoza.
4. They like miracles. If someone had found Mitt Romney's face in a nacho we would have won in a landslide. It will be expensive to check every nacho ever baked, but we spent several billion dollars on ads this election alone, so I think we can afford it if we use illegal immigrants and/or prison labor.
5. Our candidate in 2016 should be a General with a huge amount of medals. I don't know why, but Latin Americans sure love their bling-covered Generalissimos. Just look at them:
Wimpy little bits of facial hair are popular for some reason. Franco. I know Spain isn't actually part of Mexico, but the fruit doesn't fall far from the tree. Same wimpy mustache.Batista, Of Cuba. Does Jeb Bush ever dress up like this? he should.Somoza, of Nicaragua. Here's a good slogan: "Omaba wants to turn Nicaragua into ni99eragua!"Not much bling on Panama's Noriega. No wonder he didn't last long.Shiny sunglasses are big too, at least for bodyguards. THIS. We need THIS.Who else has ideas?
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