[Pastor Ezekiel]

Re: Cheap Swords

So when will you ever use these swords... sword fight? All you need is an eye patch and you're a fully fledged pirate!

Proper Christian ladies do not engage in such behavior. God wants us to keep our women useless, outside of baking future warriors for Christ and a decent blueberry pie.

[Lillian]

Re: Cheap Swords

So when will you ever use these swords... sword fight? All you need is an eye patch and you're a fully fledged pirate!

[Born Again Bob]

Re: Cheap Swords

So you're a 30 year old virgin from Sheffield?

YIC

Dear Brother,

Hollywood's knocking down the door for that script!

Yours in Him,
BAB

[Noah Sole]

Re: Cheap Swords

So you're a 30 year old virgin from Sheffield?

YIC

[Catherine Moore]

Re: Cheap Swords

It was my coy attempt to state I did fall into one of the categories. Read them again.

[Noah Sole]

Re: Cheap Swords

That's very interesting but not one of the categories mentioned.

YIC

[Catherine Moore]

Re: Cheap Swords

I'm not married...

[Noah Sole]

Re: Cheap Swords

Well, that's annoying. I called in sick to work to go and pick up the sword, so I could get it as quickly as possible. Then I rather stupidly put it in my bedroom and settled down to read my KJV for a few hours:

Job 19:29
Be ye afraid of the sword: for wrath [bringeth] the punishments of the sword, that ye may know [there is] a judgment.

Now I'm too scared to go in to my bedroom and will have to sleep on the fold out bed.

There are a lot of obstacles to this sword business. Landover ought to provide little guides to fulfilling various commands including warnings about other commands that may be relevant. I know I for one would cheerfully have paid whatever that would have cost in order to avoid having to seal off one room of my house, convert another into a bedroom and replace all my clothes.

It may be that I summon up the courage later, but for now that seems the only option.

Sister Catherine, fear not. As we are told:

Deuteronomy 32:25
The sword without, and terror within, shall destroy both the young man and the virgin, the suckling also with the man of gray hairs.

Unless you fit into one of these categories you have nothing to fear!!

All the best

Noah

[Catherine Moore]

Re: Cheap Swords

Well, that's annoying. I called in sick to work to go and pick up the sword, so I could get it as quickly as possible. Then I rather stupidly put it in my bedroom and settled down to read my KJV for a few hours:

Job 19:29
Be ye afraid of the sword: for wrath [bringeth] the punishments of the sword, that ye may know [there is] a judgment.

Now I'm too scared to go in to my bedroom and will have to sleep on the fold out bed.

There are a lot of obstacles to this sword business. Landover ought to provide little guides to fulfilling various commands including warnings about other commands that may be relevant. I know I for one would cheerfully have paid whatever that would have cost in order to avoid having to seal off one room of my house, convert another into a bedroom and replace all my clothes.

It may be that I summon up the courage later, but for now that seems the only option.

[Rev. M. Rodimer]

Re: Cheap Swords

Ah, I think I had read it wrong. I'd read "if you have a purse, take that and your scrip. If you don't have a sword, sell a garment and buy one."

I clearly have a long way to go before God stops me from being deluded - 2 Thessalonians 2:11. Thank you so much for your help though Reverand.

I'm always happy to help, Sister! Just ask my good Brother Bobby-Joe, and he'll tell you how I jump at the opportunity to lend him a hand.

[Catherine Moore]

Re: Cheap Swords

Ah, I think I had read it wrong. I'd read "if you have a purse, take that and your scrip. If you don't have a sword, sell a garment and buy one."

I clearly have a long way to go before God stops me from being deluded - 2 Thessalonians 2:11. Thank you so much for your help though Reverand.

[Rev. M. Rodimer]

Re: Cheap Swords

Sister, the text does not appear to limit you to the proceeds of the sales of your garment. You can use whatever is in your purse or other money you have available. Jesus laid out a series of options (in order) from which to fund the sword purchase.

Do you have any puppies you can sell? Or children? (You can't sell those, but you can rent them by the hour to do yard work and such.) Sell/rent, then put the money in your purse, then use it to buy the sword.

[WWJDnow]

Re: Cheap Swords

I actually owned a cape from an old Wonder Woman costume I'd bought one Halloween (obviously this was before turning to God). I managed to sell that but even when I threw in the rest of the costume I only got fifteen pounds....

You got 15 pounds for a used Wonder Woman cape? That's impressive! Were you a Jewess before you were saved?

The cheapest sword I can find is thirty nine pounds.

If you were to buy a more expensive cape, you could sell that, then buy the sword. I don't know whether Jesus would mind if you combined the proceeds from the two capes or if you need to sell one for at least 39 pounds. Maybe the good Landover pastors can help with that.

[Dr Laurence Niles]

Well, the generous man I spoke with last time was quite eager to buy more, so that is always on option but Roberta has got me a bit concerned about it.

Well I know I've never really grasped feminine thinking (otherwise I would have seen what my cow of an ex-wife was up to ) but I fail to see what desserts have to do with the situation.

YIC

[Catherine Moore]

Re: Cheap Swords

Naomi, dear, I'm really sorry I overlooked your post.

You or I might find it difficult but not Jesus! The only people who can't understand him are people who can't can't actually hear him - John 8:43