Originally posted by JenNettles
That actually sounds pretty nice. Fyi, my profile pic is not a recent photo. I have lost a bit of weight and straightened my hair.
As I'd mentioned previously, I spent a goodly amount of my time in Des Moines last week and have been quite immersed in legal proceedings against a young witch who'd rented a property of mine near that liberal hellhole known as Drake University. I'm happy to report that I will soon occupy that now-vacant office space with a satellite office of my law firm and will now have a regular presence in that area. I expect to close on a modest home in the Ingersoll Park neighborhood for which I have made quite a generous offer and I expect to be a resident there before Christmas. The current owner apparently has no intention of selling the home, so I do foresee some minor delay. Once I have acquired furnishings and have vetted possible staff, I will have more time to devote to getting acquainted with the fine people of Landover Baptist Church and can then turn my attention to acquiring a property in Freehold, Iowa as well.
I see in my unfortunate but unavoidable absence that I have attracted some attention with my appeal for a potential wife. That the attention was, in one case, that of someone who's inability to discern my gender was, well, comical and awkward, was a great source of amusement for me. No harm done, Mr. Toole. I'm certain you must be feeling a bit embarrassed for your error, but I assure you I harbor no ill will toward you.
As for you, Miss Nettle, I feel I must make myself very clear that I have no interest whatsoever in any sort of overtures you might make in your ridiculous attempt to snare me in your web of deceit. I have no time in my life for the likes of you, other than perhaps to file the necessary paperwork with the court to compel you to keep your distance from me. What on Earth ever made you believe I would have interest in a corpulent witch such as yourself will be a mystery to me until my last breath. As if it's not enough that you belong to that Assburger cult, your sick attempt at portraying yourself in a photo as a painted trollop quickly earned you a place on my ten-foot-pole list. I do hope you'll seek the help you need for your obvious psychiatric disorder as well as for your apparent need for sinful caloric gluttony.
All that said, I will be in touch shortly with the leadership of Landover, assuming their vetting process has by then yielded satisfactory results, that I might begin the process of attaining membership and beginning a tithing regimen that will benefit this blessed community forthwith.
I believe I'd made my aims clear when I first intimated that I will be seeking the company of a young Christian lass with whom I might one day share my blessings. I see no need to put too fine a point on that and look forward to life in Iowa soon.
. You can ignore these facts, to your peril, but that will not change your eternal destination: 
.
telling you of your eternal home on Judgment Day.
when He reminds of the many kind warnings that were given to you by 
lovely 
followers at 
? When the 
, what will your excuse be then? "Oh, but I was wearing a pretty helmet" will not keep you from the fires of 
Almighty during your appointed time in the Halls of Judgment. Do you not know that everything you've said in this lifetime, and everything you've done, will be replayed for you at that time?
when He extends 
-- and all to save you from your wretched, disgusting sins?
to burn for all of eternity, it won't matter if you cry and beg for forgiveness. Your show of concern, at that point, will be too little, too late.
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