I need a firm, loving Christian husband.

[Sister Tinny]

Well, Landover single men, today is your lucky day. After my stint of evangelizing to the mooselims I've decided to finally hunker down and get hitched with a kind, upright Christian(TM) man. Here are some qualities I would prefer:

- White skin (obvious)
- Owner of at least 15 authentic Freehold Press KJV1611 Bibles (two for us, and one for each of our children)
- A good shot (guns, you perverts) OR qualified attack dog trainer
- Well-read in apologetics and Creation Science (Ray Comfort and Kirk Cameron's critique on evilution, ex-homer psychology, etc.)

I am especially fond of pastors, preachers, and ministers in Christ(R) as I feel that ministry is my vocation and so sorely needed in this wretched suckular world. However, whomever Jesus sends my way will ultimately be acceptable. I am obedient, submissive (to fellow Christians), virginal, and have full, child-bearing hips to squeeze out your delightful Godly offspring.

[Tyrone Shoelaces]

Re: I need a firm, loving Christian husband.

Thank goodness I don't qualify...

[Mrs. Mary Whitford]

Re: I need a firm, loving Christian husband.

Thank goodness I don't qualify...

Are you trying to ruin things for all the single True Christian™ women around here? Stop trying to force us to abide by your twisted world view.


Sister Tinny, I too and searching for a Godly husband, and I will include you in my prayers. Perhaps we could get together for a day of baking and prayer that Jesus will soon send us the True Christian™ husbands we so sorely need?

[Tyrone Shoelaces]

Re: I need a firm, loving Christian husband.

No, I'm not trying to ruin anything. She's just not my type. My apologies, Sister Tinny. I'm sure you don't really want me anyways, seeing as I don't fit any of your requirements. Shame.

[Sister Tinny]

Re: I need a firm, loving Christian husband.

Why on earth are you posting in this thread, then? Stop trolling!

[Tyrone Shoelaces]

Re: I need a firm, loving Christian husband.

Is that you in your avatar?

[Poetic Peter]

Re: I need a firm, loving Christian husband.

Is that you in your avatar?

I have decided to hook you up


with high voltage instead of a woman























death to trolls!

[Tyrone Shoelaces]

Re: I need a firm, loving Christian husband.

Wow, did you invert that yourself? Do you want Jesus to give you a cookie for your outstanding insult?

[SalvationSeeker]

Re: I need a firm, loving Christian husband.

Wow, did you invert that yourself? Do you want Jesus to give you a cookie for your outstanding insult?

Why are you so angry, doesn't "mom and dad" give you enough attention or something?
Stop throwing these hissy fits, jennifer.

[Mrs. Mary Whitford]

Re: I need a firm, loving Christian husband.

Wow, did you invert that yourself? Do you want Jesus to give you a cookie for your outstanding insult?

What is this incessant need you have to derail the threads of Godly women looking for Godly husbands? Why do you want us to die alone (except for Jesus) and childless?
At first you entertained me, then you became an annoyance. But now I'm starting to see you as the monster you truly are, sent by Satan to destroy everything good we're trying to get in our lives. For shame! SHAME!

[Sister Tinny]

Re: I need a firm, loving Christian husband.

Is that you in your avatar?

Yes, it is me. Is that you trolling in my thread?

[Rachael Van Helsing]

Re: I need a firm, loving Christian husband.

Uhh, Sister Tinny?

No offense to you, but you look like you're at least 10 years past your childbearing years.

[tommy]

Re: I need a firm, loving Christian husband.

Uhh, Sister Tinny?

No offense to you, but you look like you're at least 10 years past your childbearing years.

Everything is possible trough Jesus. Have you ever heard of Abraham and his wife?

[Pastor Ezekiel]

Re: I need a firm, loving Christian husband.

Uhh, Sister Tinny?

No offense to you, but you look like you're at least 10 years past your childbearing years.

Oh ye of little (actually zero) faith! In the Holy Bible, God gives us an example of His mighty might:

Genesis 18:11 Now Abraham and Sarah were old and well stricken in age; and it ceased to be with Sarah after the manner of women.
18:12 Therefore Sarah laughed within herself, saying, After I am waxed old shall I have pleasure, my lord being old also?
18:13 And the LORD said unto Abraham, Wherefore did Sarah laugh, saying, Shall I of a surety bear a child, which am old?
18:14 Is any thing too hard for the LORD? At the time appointed I will return unto thee, according to the time of life, and Sarah shall have a son.
18:15 Then Sarah denied, saying, I laughed not; for she was afraid. And he said, Nay; but thou didst laugh.
18:16 And the men rose up from thence, and looked toward Sodom: and Abraham went with them to bring them on the way.
18:17 And the LORD said, Shall I hide from Abraham that thing which I do;

Well, perhaps I went on a bit too long. We don't need to get into that which God was considering hiding from His beloved Prophet Abraham just yet. But as you can see, God can ensure that any female can bake a Soldier for Christ at any time, at any age. Sister T is considerably younger than Sarah was in the story I related for you above, and since she is a Godly True Christian™ female, I don't see why Jesus would deny her future husband a few sons.

Once again, you were wrong, VanEmptyhead.

[Rachael Van Helsing]

Re: I need a firm, loving Christian husband.

Show me a woman in recorded history, not the bible, who has given post-menstrual birth without any medical aid whatsoever. As to the guinness world records woman, I'll have to check what her circumstances were.