Making contact with Christian Girls

[Brother John]

Dear all,

I have an issue I'd like to discuss with you.
Is there a probate way to determine whether or not a girl is a good Christian or not?

Here's the story: there's a girl in my class, whom I've taken a liking to. We get along fairly well, but I haven't had the chance or opportunity to figure out or ask her about her beliefs. I'm fairly shy about asking these kinds of things too, so "just ask" doesn't exactly suffice. Could Landover help me ensure that I choose a good Christian for a good, Christian relationship? She's friendly and caring, all traits of a good Christian woman, but I'd like to make sure.

Thank you all in advance.

[Abdul-Khaaliq]

Re: Making contact with Christian Girls

I find this thing for you good Christian fellow.
I have much experience with many many Blonde Blue eyed Christian Lady.
You tell me her phone number, yes?

[Brother Temperance]

Re: Making contact with Christian Girls

Dear all,

I have an issue I'd like to discuss with you.
Is there a probate way to determine whether or not a girl is a good Christian or not?

Here's the story: there's a girl in my class, whom I've taken a liking to. We get along fairly well, but I haven't had the chance or opportunity to figure out or ask her about her beliefs. I'm fairly shy about asking these kinds of things too, so "just ask" doesn't exactly suffice. Could Landover help me ensure that I choose a good Christian for a good, Christian relationship? She's friendly and caring, all traits of a good Christian woman, but I'd like to make sure.

Thank you all in advance.

You might want to go for the direct approach: just stroll up to her and casually ask if she has turned her life over to Jesus and been washed in His blood. But if you're the shy type, that might seem a little forward, so you could try being a little more discreet; maybe you could casually start up a conversation with her, find out if she's free, and ask if she wants to go throw rocks at some Jews or Catholics. If she's up for it, she's almost certainly a Christian, if not, she's not worth bothering about anyway.

[Mrs. Mary Whitford]

Re: Making contact with Christian Girls

Dear all,

I have an issue I'd like to discuss with you.
Is there a probate way to determine whether or not a girl is a good Christian or not?

Here's the story: there's a girl in my class, whom I've taken a liking to. We get along fairly well, but I haven't had the chance or opportunity to figure out or ask her about her beliefs. I'm fairly shy about asking these kinds of things too, so "just ask" doesn't exactly suffice. Could Landover help me ensure that I choose a good Christian for a good, Christian relationship? She's friendly and caring, all traits of a good Christian woman, but I'd like to make sure.

Thank you all in advance.

I'm concerned that she's still in school. Beyond reading, writing, arithmatic, Bible study, and home economics, what else is there that she needs to know?

[Talitha]

Re: Making contact with Christian Girls

Get her tested out at the Clinic.
Make sure she's able to have at least a dozen little Christian Soldiers for you.
Oh, and make sure she bakes a good Apple Pie.
Can she shoot? A good Christian woman has to be handle at least a Pump-action.
Has she ever been to bed with a non-white male? Tainted Women are frowned upon here at Landover.

[Brother Temperance]

Re: Making contact with Christian Girls

Has she ever been to bed with a non-white male? Tainted Women are frowned upon here at Landover.

Have you been infected by liberalism or something? If she has ever been to bed with any male, she is clearly not a Christian in any sense of the word. And if she's been to bed with a female, well, that doesn't even bear thinking about.

[Talitha]

Re: Making contact with Christian Girls

Have you been infected by liberalism or something? If she has ever been to bed with any male, she is clearly not a Christian in any sense of the word. And if she's been to bed with a female, well, that doesn't even bear thinking about.

Apologies Pastor. With all these Atheists and Sand Negras hanging around I'm getting so confused.

[Brother John]

Re: Making contact with Christian Girls

Has she ever been to bed with a non-white male? Tainted Women are frowned upon here at Landover.

Now, I wouldn't take a liking to her if I knew that, now would I.
Thank you Brother Temperance, I will surely try asking her that, or something alike depending on the facilities present at or around school.

[Daisy Mae Johnson]

Re: Making contact with Christian Girls

Son, most worthy True Christians™ females are home schooled.

I'd be looking for a bride at the Landover Baptist Church and not at your secular school.

Beside the only skills she needs are cooking, cleaning, obeying your orders and making new Soliders For Christ.

She doesn't need to learn reading, writing and math. She is a girl for GOD's sake.

With Lve, Sister Thumper

[Brother John]

Re: Making contact with Christian Girls

I know Sister, but there simply aren't many True Christians around where I live, if there are any at all. My best guess is to try and convert someone who seems fit for the cause.

[Mrs. Mary Whitford]

Re: Making contact with Christian Girls

She doesn't need to learn reading, writing and math. She is a girl for GOD's sake.

I have to disagree with you, Sister. Those of us blessed enough to be able to afford servants need to be kept busy in between Bible lessons from our Godly husbands, and the best way to do that is by reading and studying the Bible. Those who aren't so blessed have to do their grocery shopping themselves, so they should know some basic words and numbers so they have some idea of what they're doing.

[Pastor Ezekiel]

Re: Making contact with Christian Girls

I know Sister, but there simply aren't many True Christians around where I live, if there are any at all. My best guess is to try and convert someone who seems fit for the cause.

I'd suggest you take her on a "Bible date". Buy her a copy of the KJV1611 Bible and read some scripture with her. See how she feels about these:


Genesis 3:16
Unto the woman he said, I will greatly multiply thy sorrow and thy conception; in sorrow thou shalt bring forth children; and thy desire shall be to thy husband, and he shall rule over thee.

1 Corinthians 11:3
But I would have you know, that the head of every man is Christ; and the head of the woman is the man; and the head of Christ is God.

1 Corinthians 14:34-36
Let your women keep silence in the churches: for it is not permitted unto them to speak; but they are commanded to be under obedience as also saith the law. And if they will learn any thing, let them ask their husbands at home: for it is a shame for women to speak in the church.

Ephesians 5:22-24
Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the saviour of the body. Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing.

Colossians 3:18
Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as it is fit in the Lord.

1 Timothy 2:11-15
Let the woman learn in silence with all subjection. But I suffer not a woman to teach, nor to usurp authority over the man, but to be in silence. For Adam was first formed, then Eve. And Adam was not deceived, but the woman being deceived was in the transgression. Notwithstanding she shall be saved in childbearing.

1 Peter 3:1
Likewise, ye wives, be in subjection to your own husbands.

[Brother John]

Re: Making contact with Christian Girls

Huzzah, I've managed to acquire her e-mail address! Now I can probe about her beliefs in a non-suspicious (not that the True Faith is something to conceal) way!

[OnYourKnees]

Re: Making contact with Christian Girls

Huzzah, I've managed to acquire her e-mail address! Now I can probe about her beliefs in a non-suspicious (not that the True Faith is something to conceal) way!

Congratulations!

Just be gentle in your probing, and go slowly. You don't want to bruise her psyche!

[R-R-R]

Re: Making contact with Christian Girls

Has she ever been to bed with a non-white male?

Good thing Brother Temperance posted right after your post, because even I, the unsaved trash, noticed something was fishy there. Goes to show I payed some attention to what's being said around here and I'm making a bit of progress. Of course I cannot hope to be as Godly as the pastors here, but at least I'm facing the direction I need to head in towards Jesus.