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  • CELEBRATION! The divorce of my Fifth Wife went thru! Scotch time!

    Today, my divorce from my fifth wife, Leanne, was finalized. Now, while us Baptists frown on divorce, it is allowed under certain circumstances, like if your soon-to-be-ex-wife is a total and depraved whore.

    Matthew 19:9

    And I say unto you, Whosoever shall put away his wife, except it be for fornication, and shall marry another, committeth adultery: and whoso marrieth her which is put away doth commit adultery.

    So Leanne signed an affadavit that she was cheating on me, in exchange for an alimony of $10,000 a month. While some have criticized this as me giving into a greedy whore (or even insinuating that I'm paying her to lie about cheating on me in order to be justified by Biblical law), it's really chump change to me and I don't care. I'd pay $50,000 a month to get that shrew off my back!


    Now, I'm celebrating my new-found bachelor freedom by knocking off a special bottle of 25 year old Glenfiddich that I picked up from my vacation in Scotland a couple of months ago. This is a special edition from 1983 so it cost me about a little over $1,000 but I think tonight's a great night for such an auspicious drink.


    Right now I have some company over, so I'm gonna go play some billiards with the guys and enjoy this bottle. Keep your eye on this thread for updates as I review this drink!

    Watch the #1 Televangelist Gospel Hour in the World! "Turn or Burn: Accept Christ or Go to Hell with Rev. Jim Osborne." Check your local cable listings.


  • #2
    Re: CELEBRATION! The divorce of my Fifth Wife went thru! Scotch t

    Oh man, i blew it! LOL. Was up against James Hutchins in pool and I had the lead but I started to get a little uncordinate.d. Ive downed half this bottle arlready and its uh let me look, 53% alcohol per volume. i kind of underestimated this stuff. lol.

    anyways im having a great time got the rest of the night to finish this off. My friends went home. Just going to enjoy some time alone and relax.

    Im surprised how smoky this whisky is. The palate is also very crisp and bold, I really do like it. So I got half bottle to go will post when im done!

    Watch the #1 Televangelist Gospel Hour in the World! "Turn or Burn: Accept Christ or Go to Hell with Rev. Jim Osborne." Check your local cable listings.

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    • #3
      Re: CELEBRATION! The divorce of my Fifth Wife went thru! Scotch t

      Originally posted by Rev. Jim Osborne View Post
      My friends went home.
      Eh, yes. I thought we put you in your bed to go to sleep before we left?

      Are you sure you should be posting while you, ehm, are busy processing your grief?
      5 Reasons why GOD HATES WOMEN!
      To most "Christians" The Bible is like a license agreement. They just scroll to the bottom and click "I agree". All those "Christians" will burn in Hell!
      James 2:10 "For whosoever shall keep the whole law, and yet offend in one point, he is guilty of all."

      Comment


      • #4
        Re: CELEBRATION! The divorce of my Fifth Wife went thru! Scotch t

        Originally posted by Cranky Old Man View Post
        Eh, yes. I thought we put you in your bed to go to sleep before we left?

        Are you sure you should be posting while you, ehm, are busy processing your grief?
        I got up so hwat youre going to do about it youre not here youre not my boss.....ONLY GOD IS MY BOSS! I ONLY SERVE GODD.

        IM done witht heh bottle now. WHOLE BOTTLEO all gone down the pipe wooooopie. I HATE MY EX WIFE SO MUCH I hsould have killed her i swear i couldve cut her breaks or put rit posion in her ucoffee. SHE BROKE MY HEART I SHOULD BREAK HER NECK!!!!!!!

        i put so much loe into the relationship and she hdsdt o trat me like this????? KESUS IS THIS A TEST? Am I gootd Christian?????? What is theis to be lie JOB IN THE OLD TESTAMENT...yes rev jim martyr

        BOOHOOO SAD PITY SOB STORY. Burn in hell leanae ou duirty whore you wont get my money my money is for me only

        Watch the #1 Televangelist Gospel Hour in the World! "Turn or Burn: Accept Christ or Go to Hell with Rev. Jim Osborne." Check your local cable listings.

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        • #5
          Re: CELEBRATION! The divorce of my Fifth Wife went thru! Scotch t

          Jus driving home from your house man. Oh yeah? She wasnt a sult, bro! Leanne was jsut never really got you. I mean you just never really got each other. It's so sad becus I have know you both since the old days of 2009.

          Posted via mobile device
          Praise and worship with Pastor Will. Services at 9 a.m., 11 a.m. and 6 p.m.


          Contact me. pastorwillsampson at gmail.com

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          • #6
            Re: CELEBRATION! The divorce of my Fifth Wife went thru! Scotch t

            ic alele caled my exwife up on the phone. she was alsleep. she was al :WHY YOU CALLING SO LATE???" i said i am in love with you honey take me back. I wanted her bad right now my heart id hurting. She said "dont call me talk to the kawyer and hung up". SHE REJECTS ME WHEN I PUT M FEELINGS FOR HER ON THE LINE.

            LEANNE ISM SO SORRY. I was abad husband. Iw ant to dedicate his song to you. BABY COME BAKC.



            I LOVE YOU LEANNE please come back. Im soryr for everything I done.

            Also this song to for my sweet honey



            MAYBE I DIDNT TREAT YOU LIKE I SHOULD HAVE...maybe i didnt love you lik i could have.

            I want nothing more than leann to be by my side and to hold. IM SO LONELEY. Im sorry about all the nights i spent with the girls from the ladies of the lord ministry im sorry for slapping you calling you a whore a slut and im sorry for forgettiting your birthday IM SO SORRY TAKE ME BACK you are the owman for me.

            WHY DOES SHE WANT TO HURT ME???? i cant stand the tears and paien and ai pray to the Lord that I find forgivenesssw for the sins ive done. IM SORRY.

            Watch the #1 Televangelist Gospel Hour in the World! "Turn or Burn: Accept Christ or Go to Hell with Rev. Jim Osborne." Check your local cable listings.

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            • #7
              Re: CELEBRATION! The divorce of my Fifth Wife went thru! Scotch t

              Originally posted by Pastor William Nathaniel Sampson View Post
              Jus driving home from your house man. Oh yeah? She wasnt a sult, bro! Leanne was jsut never really got you. I mean you just never really got each other. It's so sad becus I have know you both since the old days of 2009.

              Posted via mobile device
              I WANT YOUT O KNOW I LOVE YOU WILLIAM. I nknow youre best friend forever youre been by my side since the begigning. I LOVE YOU SO MUCH. NOT GAY I DONT MEAN THAT WAY. bugt real christian botherly love....PHILADELPHIA.....i have nothing but AGAPE for you. im agape for you.

              THANK YOU FOR YOU. I want old ddays to come back......glory days of everythting. God bless your my brother forever.

              LOVE FOREVER
              Jime

              Watch the #1 Televangelist Gospel Hour in the World! "Turn or Burn: Accept Christ or Go to Hell with Rev. Jim Osborne." Check your local cable listings.

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              • #8
                Re: CELEBRATION! The divorce of my Fifth Wife went thru! Scotch t

                i fwess Ill come back over before you start breaking thins.

                Posted Via Mobile Device
                Praise and worship with Pastor Will. Services at 9 a.m., 11 a.m. and 6 p.m.


                Contact me. pastorwillsampson at gmail.com

                Comment


                • #9
                  Re: CELEBRATION! The divorce of my Fifth Wife went thru! Scotch t

                  Thank you Jesus for driving my Porsche back to the Landover Westin. Apparently I dozed off in the elevator door as security helped me from it to my room. I found that rolled up hundred in my pocket and feel a little energized again. Praise Jesus.

                  Jim, I know divorce can be painful. Loosing a loved one is never easy. As you know, two of my wives have died as have some of my children at one point or another. God wanted you close to that person to get them right with Jesus. But sometimes, even the love of God is not enough to break the hold the Devil has on a mortal person. Sometimes, only in death, when the person goes to St. Peter, can God get the upper hand. Perhaps that is why I am blessed that all my demonized family members have died. I'll pray for you Jim, I'll pray until my knees bleed that your ex-wives die. I know you'd do the same for me. Rest well my friend.

                  PS: Like I said earlier tonight, I am happy to pray with that friend of mine, the guy from Blackwater Worldwide. He is capable of powerful prayers, discreet of course.
                  Isaiah 45:7 I form the light, and create darkness: I make peace, and create evil: I the LORD do all these things.
                  Amos 3:6 Shall a trumpet be blown in the city, and the people not be afraid? shall there be evil in a city, and the LORD hath not done it?
                  Numbers 21:6 And the LORD sent fiery serpents among the people, and they bit the people; and much people of Israel died.
                  Matthew 10:34 Think not that I am come to send peace on earth: I came not to send peace, but a sword.
                  Matthew 10:35 For I am come to set a man at variance against his father, and the daughter against her mother, and the daughter in law against her mother in law.
                  Matthew 10:36 And a man's foes shall be they of his own household.

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Re: CELEBRATION! The divorce of my Fifth Wife went thru! Scotch t

                    Hm, I am not so sure all this should be visible for the general public, perhaps it should be cleaned up. Where is Felicity when you need her! Women, why can you never rely on them.
                    5 Reasons why GOD HATES WOMEN!
                    To most "Christians" The Bible is like a license agreement. They just scroll to the bottom and click "I agree". All those "Christians" will burn in Hell!
                    James 2:10 "For whosoever shall keep the whole law, and yet offend in one point, he is guilty of all."

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Re: CELEBRATION! The divorce of my Fifth Wife went thru! Scotch t

                      I'm going to be in my prayer closet all day today, with a large bottle of aspirins and some of my favorite jap cure-all.

                      I thought your wife was a whore, but then again I can't remember which one we were talking about, so...
                      Who Will Jesus Damn?

                      Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:

                      Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)

                      Need Pastoral Advice? Contact me privately at PastorEzekiel@landoverbaptist.net TODAY!!

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                      • #12
                        Re: CELEBRATION! The divorce of my Fifth Wife went thru! Scotch t

                        Between you and me, I never liked that bitch. Every time I visited for one of your parties she would always me "what did you bring this time, Nobar?" with that voice like it's not even a question but a statement, and when she rolled her eyes I would think to myself "next time I'm not bringing anything." That happened several times. I wonder if you ever even got that wine that I brought.
                        May you be a blessing to every life you touch.

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          Re: CELEBRATION! The divorce of my Fifth Wife went thru! Scotch t

                          Wow, you guys are all resting? I have never been so fired up in my life. I have been working all morning, walking about. Making notes, multiple phone calls. I have my suite temperature set to 50 degrees but I am still sweating. Even my heart is racing for Jesus!

                          What was in those Asprins, Jim?
                          Isaiah 45:7 I form the light, and create darkness: I make peace, and create evil: I the LORD do all these things.
                          Amos 3:6 Shall a trumpet be blown in the city, and the people not be afraid? shall there be evil in a city, and the LORD hath not done it?
                          Numbers 21:6 And the LORD sent fiery serpents among the people, and they bit the people; and much people of Israel died.
                          Matthew 10:34 Think not that I am come to send peace on earth: I came not to send peace, but a sword.
                          Matthew 10:35 For I am come to set a man at variance against his father, and the daughter against her mother, and the daughter in law against her mother in law.
                          Matthew 10:36 And a man's foes shall be they of his own household.

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            Re: CELEBRATION! The divorce of my Fifth Wife went thru! Scotch t

                            Originally posted by James Hutchins View Post
                            Even my heart is racing for Jesus!
                            You're heart was racing for Jesus last night when you potted 8 balls in a row and sunk the black using one of Jim's hunting rifles! You were really fired up in your praise for the LORD, it was beautiful to watch.

                            ...has anyone checked on Jim?
                            6
                            A woman came up to me the other day, 12/6/2016 and said:
                            "But Mr. Winner, if GOD loves everyone then why is there so much suffering in the world?"

                            Because GOD doesn't love everyone. Too many people have this absurd idea in their heads that GOD is all loving.
                            If he was all loving, then murderers, thieves and homosexuals would be waiting for you in Heaven.

                            GOD doesn't open his gate to just anyone. Being a True Christian™ is like a Queue Jump ticket at Disney, we are guaranteed a ride with JESUS.

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                            • #15
                              Re: CELEBRATION! The divorce of my Fifth Wife went thru! Scotch t

                              Is this thread no a little.....em...too much emotionish man's love for each others? I'm no sure is appropriate....I mean....sorry...nothing...forget it.
                              I'm sure you all are just 'good friends'. My mistake.

                              Ex JW and quiet, shy, timid girl who wants to be a True Cristian Lady.
                              My favorite verse from the Bible is:
                              - A true WITNESSE deliuereth soules: but a deceitfull WITNESSE speaketh lyes.

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