Dr. Niles? Are you there?

[Dr Laurence Niles]

Re: Dr. Niles? Are you there?

Dr. Niles

I was hoping you might be available for some one-on-one counseling someday soon (you can bring your nephew). I just have to open up some things to you and sit under your expert training. You may, of course, lodge in my home. During your visit, I'll introduce you to my lovely parents while your nephew plays with some of the local True Christian™ boys in my expansive pool (I have lifeguards to take care of them).

Kindly let me know when is best for you. God has truly blessed you with a huge talent and I want to absorb some of it so that I may be a better soldieress for Jesus.

Meekly,
Miss Lamb

I do have a very long waiting list but thinking about my youthful, eager young clean limbed young Newphew having the time of his life in your pool with fellow willowy, young boys gives me a mind to put my personal needs to one side.

Will next this Thursday at about 1pm be convenient. It should be a warm day and I'm sure the my Newphew and the boys will enjoy the pool.

I'll bring his swimming trunks.

YIC

[Mrs. Elizabeth Johnson]

Re: Dr. Niles? Are you there?

And you're welcome for saving you the cost of at least a bylaw ticket (and the extra "Please Forgive Me" tithe that accompanies all violations in Freehold).



Good luck with that.

Sir,

Will pray that you will not attack Miss Lamb's dignity and virtue in words or actions! She is a wonderful lady. Remember the verse Matthew 5:28, "But I say unto you, That whosoever looketh on a woman to lust after her hath committed adultery with her already in his heart." I am praying for you.

Sincerely,
Elizabeth

[Pastor Ezekiel]

Re: Dr. Niles? Are you there?

Pastoral Counseling is available 24/7 for all True Christians. Depending on your Tithing Level, you may or may not be able to afford it. My email address is at the bottom of my signature below. Christian confidentiality(r) assured.

[Mother Of Seven]

Re: Dr. Niles? Are you there?

What kind of pool is that again, my sweet Sister? Does it expand and contract? Are you trying to lure a young, impressionable boy into some kind of a trap?!

I believe that her swimming ability is on a par with her knitting ability. I think we should toss her into the middle of her little puddle and see if she floats like a duck, or sinks like a witch we expect her to.

[Mother Of Seven]

Re: Dr. Niles? Are you there?

Counselling? No True Christian (tm) needs counselling, except for spiritual counselling administered by the pastors. Are you weak? Only the pathetic Unsaved need counselling as they are infested with demons. On the other hand, thinking about it, I'm sure you are infested with demons - ahh, forget about it. It still stands though, True Christians (tm) don't need non-spiritual counselling.

[Basilissa]

Re: Dr. Niles? Are you there?

Um... FPD To Enforce the No-Lifeguard-But-Jesus ordinance

Isn't it pathetic, that a Hellbound God-hating atheist knows more about God's rules than a True Christian™ not-so-young "lady"?



Anyway...

...in my expansive pool...

What kind of pool is that again, my sweet Sister? Does it expand and contract? Are you trying to lure a young, impressionable boy into some kind of a trap?!

[Naomi Ruth Lamb]

Re: Dr. Niles? Are you there?

And you're welcome for saving you the cost of at least a bylaw ticket (and the extra "Please Forgive Me" tithe that accompanies all violations in Freehold).



Good luck with that.

Sir, (and I give you this respect only because you are a man)

I am grateful for the fact that you've informed me of an obscure ordinance - one which I shall surely contest at the next town meeting - but I will not be lusted after by someone who does not believe in my Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ of Nazareth.

You should know that I am on my knees for you as I write this, asking GOD to touch you from head to toe with the conviction of the Holy Spirit. Through the BLOOD OF JESUS, I command the foul demons that seek to steal your soul to return to the vile pits of HELL from whence they came. In JESUS NAME, the power of Christ compels you to leave this man now! Hallelujah! Christ is Risen! Christ will come again! GLORY!

So, what about this Tuesday thing?

Miss Lamb

[Didymus Much]

Re: Dr. Niles? Are you there?

Once again, the arrogance of the unsaved rears its ugly, lust ridden head...

And you're welcome for saving you the cost of at least a bylaw ticket (and the extra "Please Forgive Me" tithe that accompanies all violations in Freehold).

...Defending my faith and purity,
Miss Lamb

Good luck with that.

[Naomi Ruth Lamb]

Re: Dr. Niles? Are you there?

Um... FPD To Enforce the No-Lifeguard-But-Jesus ordinance

Whatever True Christian™ man ever decides to try to save your soul is going to have his work cut out for him.

Once again, the arrogance of the unsaved rears its ugly, lust ridden head. I know the plans you have for me - plans to remove my hope and my future; plans to rob me of my prosperity and to harm me because I speak the truth of JESUS, whom you abhor.

I assure you, vile man, that you will have no purchase within my garments. While I was unaware of the ordinance prohibiting lifeguards, it makes me no more likely to accept your whiskey induced advances (Is it Jack Daniels or Jim Beam?). It makes me even more fervent in keeping your strong, manly hands from touching my smooth, milky skin!

If you would like to speak more about your sin-sick soul, I can fit you in on Tuesday. Be aware that I will travel with a strong, Godly chaperone and he will be listening in from outside the room!

Defending my faith and purity,
Miss Lamb

[Didymus Much]

Re: Dr. Niles? Are you there?

...I have lifeguards to take care of them...

Um... FPD To Enforce the No-Lifeguard-But-Jesus ordinance

Whatever True Christian(tm) man ever decides to try to save your soul is going to have his work cut out for him.

[Naomi Ruth Lamb]

Dr. Niles

I was hoping you might be available for some one-on-one counseling someday soon (you can bring your nephew). I just have to open up some things to you and sit under your expert training. You may, of course, lodge in my home. During your visit, I'll introduce you to my lovely parents while your nephew plays with some of the local True Christian(TM) boys in my expansive pool (I have lifeguards to take care of them).

Kindly let me know when is best for you. God has truly blessed you with a huge talent and I want to absorb some of it so that I may be a better soldieress for Jesus.

Meekly,
Miss Lamb