[Alvin Moss]

Re: I am Bob and I want a Christian girlfriend!

The investigation is not going well for you. It is unwise to defy the Pastor.

[Sarah Darling]

Re: I am Bob and I want a Christian girlfriend!

Bob, I want a godly boyfriend as well....It's hard to find one these days!

[Pastor Ezekiel]

Re: I am Bob and I want a Christian girlfriend!

Hello Bob, my name is Sydney and I enjoyed reading your post. I am having a difficult time finding someone. There really aren't single men at my church and its hard finding a christian man outside of church. I would be interested in getting to know you. I've been saved for two years now. I was raised in church my entire life. I'm so thankful for His grace and mercy. Hope you have a wonderful week, Sydney.

Please make a thread of your own in the "Introductions" section of the forum, so that we can properly greet you. Tell us about yourself, your church, and how you came to find Jesus.

And if you're here to flame us, better take a look at THIS before making an even bigger ass out of yourself.

I will pray that the Holy Spirit enter you and chase the demons out of your rectum and let Jesus fill you with His Grace. If you use your God-given free will to reject Christ and His temporary death on the cross for my sins, then you are sending yourself to hellfire.

[Sarah Darling]

Re: I am Bob and I want a Christian girlfriend!

Hello Bob, my name is Sydney and I enjoyed reading your post. I am having a difficult time finding someone. There really aren't single men at my church and its hard finding a christian man outside of church. I would be interested in getting to know you. I've been saved for two years now. I was raised in church my entire life. I'm so thankful for His grace and mercy. Hope you have a wonderful week, Sydney.

[Freddy Osborne]

Re: I am Bob and I want a Christian girlfriend!

Brother Bob,

I've put some serious thought into your situation. While these ladies are offering some fine advice, I'm not sure you are ready for the big dance. Even if you wait till midnight, there is no way you can cover multiple exits by yourself.

We need to get you up to speed. Lucky for you, back in the forsaken years- Freddy knew every trick in the book when it came to courtship.

Thankfully, The Lord has forgave me for those innocent ladies that fell victim to my indiscretions. And certainly I hope some of them asked for forgiveness too because they needed it...

Moving on, forget the dance. I'm betting no one will be impressed with your Hokey Pokie anyway.

We need a controlled environment. I propose you immediately drive, or more probably take a bus down to my house. There is a local facility with countless women that are already confined. They need witnessing and most of them are desperate... REALLY desperate for some companionship.

There will be PLENTY to choose from, Bob! So bring some smokes, some cash may be a good call if needed, and decide if you prefer blondes or brunettes!

Some may even be able to help you out with this Mom of yours....

Here's a link. You can go ahead and window shop my friend...

http://www.meet-an-inmate.com/newestladies/

PM when you are coming down.

[Mary Thompson]

Re: I am Bob and I want a Christian girlfriend!

How unbearably sweet of you, to think of both me and Brother Bob, dear Sister Mary!

The thing is, my husband is very much alive and well, so I think Brother Bob would be better of looking in other places, to find his true love

How the financial side of things Bob? Any future inheritance maybe? Perhaps if you looked in the poorer sides of town, it would increase your chances?

YiC
Eva

The thing is, sweet Sister Eva, one must think of the future and I am sure you and Brother Bob would make an amazing match. However if you are determined to stay with your barren one stoned husband, then do so.

I agree with the above comments, Bob, I don't know what it is but ladies seem to be very agreeable after midnight. But you musn't tell your mother about that, you won't, will you? That's good, Bob, very good.
Just go to a Christian dance in the Freehold (I'm sure that a little tithing will soften Pastor Zeke enough to let you in) and then wait to the wee hours of the morning and propose to one of the ladies!

[Eva_Christensen]

Re: I am Bob and I want a Christian girlfriend!

Bless you, Sister Eva, for your unflinching loyalty to your husband, even at the potential cost of your own soul. As a practical woman, I will continue to pray that your husband may either die or be cured by some miracle: it doesn't much matter which, does it?

Thank you for your kind words
I am thankful for all of your prayers, Dear Sister! But the thought of going back on "the marked" terrifies me. Especially now, when my fathers poor mind has gone completely senile, and he cannot guide me. So my husband beeing cured, would in any case be easier. I wouldn't have to move and change adresses - it's so inconvinient - and sometimes your mail gets lost!

My suggestion would be to look around for a sturdy but - how can I put it? - slightly less than averagely attractive young woman. Young women are all much the same in the dark, Bob.

YiC
AW

Very sound advice indeed!
Perhaps if you went to a christian dance and waited till the wee hours of the morning - I am sure the girls that are left, will be more willing to settle look your way, Bob

[Attila's Wife]

Re: I am Bob and I want a Christian girlfriend!

The thing is, my husband is very much alive and well, so I think Brother Bob would be better of looking in other places, to find his true love

Bless you, Sister Eva, for your unflinching loyalty to your husband, even at the potential cost of your own soul. As a practical woman, I will continue to pray that your husband may either die or be cured by some miracle: it doesn't much matter which, does it?

How the financial side of things Bob? Any future inheritance maybe?

The trouble with this is that presumably it would come from Bob's mom, who sounds like the sort of harpy who may spend his inheritance or even marry one of those toy boys. My suggestion would be to look around for a sturdy but - how can I put it? - slightly less than averagely attractive young woman. Young women are all much the same in the dark, Bob.

YiC
AW

[Eva_Christensen]

Re: I am Bob and I want a Christian girlfriend!

Well if all goes according to plan with Eva Christianson's husband , then I bet she would go for you.

How unbearably sweet of you, to think of both me and Brother Bob, dear Sister Mary!

The thing is, my husband is very much alive and well, so I think Brother Bob would be better of looking in other places, to find his true love

How the financial side of things Bob? Any future inheritance maybe? Perhaps if you looked in the poorer sides of town, it would increase your chances?

YiC
Eva

[Freddy Osborne]

Re: I am Bob and I want a Christian girlfriend!

Hello Bob,

I worked at a hospital during my forsaken years. The hospital is a target rich environment and you will be tempted if your guard is not up. Don't believe me? Check out General Hospital. Get permission from your mom first.

Might I suggest you forget the nurses and check out the candy stripers? Or maybe one of those cafeteria ladies. They are more apt to be impressed by your ditch digging abilities.

Regardless, don't limit your range to nurses. There are technicians, student nurses, interns, volunteers, etc.

And don't forget the other patients and their families. But I would strongly advise that you stay away from the aids floors and such should you go this route.

Go get em tiger!

YiC,

Fred

[Bob]

Re: I am Bob and I want a Christian girlfriend!

being married already

I was reading 2 Samuel 11 and there I learned that you can still be my girlfriend. I would have to kill your husband though. I will have to ask my Pastor about this.

[Mother Of Seven]

Re: I am Bob and I want a Christian girlfriend!

My precious wife, Jennifer, looked at your photo and said that you are handsome. Isn't she nice?

Doc, you must learn to discipline your wife more. Allowing her to make eyes at other gentlemen is certainly not the sign of a good Christian man. She deserves a good beating. And you should affix blinkers to her head so that she cannot sneak sly looks. But I have a feeling that it's worse, she sounds as though she may be a feminazi who rules you. For the Lord's sake, she must be beaten into submission and learn how to be good wife. If she admits to you she has a wandering eye, what on earth does she do when you're at work There is the gardener, the postman, and many other men that she may come into contact with every day. So, in addition to the blinkers, I would be inclined to affix a chastity belt when you're not around.

[Witch Hammer]

Re: I am Bob and I want a Christian girlfriend!

My Pastor says those will teach me about the kind of woman I don't want to have as girlfriend.

Friend, are you familiar with the term vagina dentata? If not, google it when your mother isn't paying attention.

Copulation before marriage is expressly forbidden, of course, but if you ever get a girlfriend you plan on marrying, you might want to take a quick peek at her....unmentionable area....and check it for teeth, if you think you can stomach it. Better safe than sorry. Good luck!

[M. Mansfield, MD]

Re: I am Bob and I want a Christian girlfriend!

Bob,

First of all, not all doctors are mean. Some doctors are very nice people. Do you like nice people, Bob? I think you are very nice. Promise me that you will not tell Mother about my note to you. Will you promise, Bob? Good.

I think your mother sits in a very scornful seat, Bob. Do you know what scornful means, Bob? It is not nice - not nice at all. You, however, are a nice person, and you should never sit in the seat of the scornful. God tells us not to in His special Book, the HOLY BIBLE.

The next time one of those nice nurses comes to visit, ask her if you can speak to the psychologist on call. Tell her it must be very private. Then talk to the nice psychologist about the things mother does. You can even tell the psychologist that you're hoping to find a girlfriend. Ask him if he thinks you're ready for such a thing.

Do not be sad if he says no! Instead, be happy that you know that you are a good person and one that will someday meet a very nice person that is just as nice as you. My precious wife, Jennifer, looked at your photo and said that you are handsome. Isn't she nice? And remember: YOU ARE NICE, TOO!

Pray to Jesus and ask Him to heal your mind. One more thing: be sure the nice psychologist adds my referral fee to your hospital bill. Don't say anything about this to Mother. I will be praying for you.

Psalms 1:1
Blessed is the man that walketh not in the counsell of the vngodly, nor standeth in the way of sinners, nor sitteth in the seat of the scornefull.

[Mary Thompson]

Re: I am Bob and I want a Christian girlfriend!

I apologize if I offended you, Bob. How about you ask the Pastor again for his daughter's hand in marriage? This time, try to stay focused on that and tell the Pastor that if he does not give you a girlfriend he is going against the Bible.
Or just rape a virgin and pay some money to her father (Deut. 22:28-29).
God Bless you,
MT.