[Ezekiel Bathfire]

Re: Please pray for an end to my unbearable constipation

A bit of a disappointment then. There was a fair chance that God had chosen you, much in the way He chooses who will live in a car-crash or earthquake - i.e. an event that to mortal eyes appears random.

[Faith_Machine]

Re: Please pray for an end to my unbearable constipation

UPDATE:

Everything is back to normal. And no heir was birthed.

[Faith_Machine]

Re: Please pray for an end to my unbearable constipation

I wasn't going to let that fag nurse touch my bum, but I'm getting desperate for some relief.

Currently looking for a place like this, but a little closer to my home.

I figure if it's a lady doing it, I'll still have some things to apologize to the Lord for, but at least it won't be gay.

I was especially intrigued by what the chef said:

"I was one that didn't really think I needed a colonic, and then once I actually went for it, I realized I needed it a lot more than I knew!"

[I Man Rastafari]

Re: Please pray for an end to my unbearable constipation

Thank you brother Bathfire, this is most troubling.

Note I have no wife. If I am to give birth to an heir, this would not make him a bastard, would it?


I'm so confused!

This is the high price of letting the white man steal your soul.

[Faith_Machine]

Re: Please pray for an end to my unbearable constipation

Thank you brother Bathfire, this is most troubling.

Note I have no wife. If I am to give birth to an heir, this would not make him a bastard, would it?


I'm so confused!

[Ezekiel Bathfire]

Re: Please pray for an end to my unbearable constipation

Brotehr FM.

You should be very careful here - there could be an heir on the way:

Ge:15:4: And, behold, the word of the LORD came unto him, saying, This shall not be thine heir; but he that shall come forth out of thine own bowels shall be thine heir.

We could be looking at the fulfillment of prophecy. If you attempt to "Cleanse the draught (Mat:15:17)", do it on a sheet of cloth or your wife's coat or something - we would not want a premature "total immersion" baptism...

[Dr. Anthony J. Toole]

Re: Please pray for an end to my unbearable constipation

I've heard that removing the shower nozzle works best. Careful not to over-pressurize, for obvious reasons.

There is one last technique from the bowels of India. You need to consume around 4 pints of warm salt water. In between each pint, perform some moderate excercise such as squat thrusts or stretching. The idea is to encourage the water to slosh through your intestines.

After about 1-2 hours... get ready for the tsunami. Don't leave the house! This is a possibly Satanic yoga technique so I hesitate to recommend it - are you sure you can't ride it out with a couple more oxys?

[Faith_Machine]

Re: Please pray for an end to my unbearable constipation

Sorry, I'm in so much pain I can't think straight.

What do you know about self-administered home enemas?

[Dr. Anthony J. Toole]

Re: Please pray for an end to my unbearable constipation

Friend, you are refusing all our suggestions to help you. Do you have a point to prove?

[Faith_Machine]

Re: Please pray for an end to my unbearable constipation

Well the people at the emergency room wanted to give me an enema, and they thought it would be perfectly fine to have a (presumably) gay male nurse administer it!


Needless to say, I got the heck out of there.

I'm still in horrible pain.

[Alvin Moss]

Re: Please pray for an end to my unbearable constipation

A quart of apple juice will fix you right up, Brother.

[Nobar King]

Re: Please pray for an end to my unbearable constipation

[Vessel of Christ]

Re: Please pray for an end to my unbearable constipation

God bless you Harshah, were I not experiencing intense physical pain right now, I would sing hosannas to express how happy I am to hear that you are delving deep into the Bible.


Say, I kind of went on a drinking bender the other day. If I happened to have sent you any e-mails, could you please just delete them without opening them?

I think my grammar and spelling might have been bad, due to excessive drink.

Yes.

You will need 3 things friend. Prayer, Coffee, and cigerattes. Soon you will feel the lords grace pouring out of you!

[Faith_Machine]

Re: Please pray for an end to my unbearable constipation

God bless you Harshah, were I not experiencing intense physical pain right now, I would sing hosannas to express how happy I am to hear that you are delving deep into the Bible.


Say, I kind of went on a drinking bender the other day. If I happened to have sent you any e-mails, could you please just delete them without opening them?

I think my grammar and spelling might have been bad, due to excessive drink.

Yes.

[Harsha Shah]

Re: Please pray for an end to my unbearable constipation

Yes, Mr. Machine. It is Harsha Shah your friend here. Yes. I am familiar with the problems of bowel movement as many friends of mine who are indulging in a diet that contains meat are experiencing these problems on a weekly basis. Yes. I am myself still being committed to vegetarianism and while that is not offering an immediate relief it would be able to harmonise your bowels in a few weeks. Yes.

I am hoping that this answer does not offend you but I am thinking that it is also biblical. I am still reading your Bible and vegetarianism is quite widespread there. In the genesis there is the vegetarian diet that is very healty, yes. "And God said, Behold, I have given you every herb bearing seed, which is upon the face of all the earth, and every tree, in the which is the fruit of a tree yielding seed; to you it shall be for meat." Yes, Mr Machine. I am sure that this will be very helpful to you. Yes.