Pray for Sister Elizabeth Johnson, newly a widow

[BrotherLarry]

Let us PRAISE GOD for the death of Sister Johnson's husband Mitchell - or Mack - or Matilda - or whatever his name was. Let us GLORIFY the Lord for the opportunities this opens up for this poor, grieving sister in Christ. She can leave godless California and find a godly True Christian(TM) husband to spend the rest of her days with.


Let's pray even now.


Father God, we just lift up Sister Elizabeth to you now, Father God, and we just praise You that you temporarily allowed her to have Mancow or Mervin or whatever his name was so that she would know the joys of marriage and having sons. Father God, we just pray that you show her that the right thing to do is to marry again, Father God, and that the right man comes along. May he be tall, dark haired, a True Christian(TM), considerate, handsome, and may he be of a respectable profession maybe something involved with animals, horses, for instance, and Father God, may your peace and comfort descend on Sister Elizabeth so that she can think straight and recognize the decisions she has to make and not to fret about silly things like funeral arrangements and the like because Meacham or Milton or whatever is now in your bosom, and has forgotten all about their marriage and children since he is resting in the eternal peace and contentment of his new heavenly home and may she think of how right I would be for her, Lord God and most of all, Father God, we just pray that Sister Elizabeth recovers from the sudden murder of Mambo or Melonhead or whatever his name was and that the investigation comes up empty and Father God, we just praise you forever and ever because we KNOW this was YOUR WILL and we cannot argue with your will, Father God. In the name of Your Son, our LORD JESUS CHRIST, Amen and Amen and Amen.

[Dr. Anthony J. Toole]

Re: Pray for Sister Elizabeth Johnson, newly a widow

Praying.

Poor Miss. Johnson, she must need comforting at this time. How old is she now? Any recent photos? Did Mr. Johnson, bless his soul, perchance leave behind an estate? It's tragic, just tragic.

[Joanna Lytton-Vasey]

Re: Pray for Sister Elizabeth Johnson, newly a widow

Brother Larry, I don't want to spread tittle-tattle so all I'm saying is that I'll pray for this woman when her husband's death is reported by Fox News. And by when, I mean if.

It might be worth reminding yourself of Matthew 19:9, particularly the second part. Then take a look at the potential consequences for you. It's No. 7 on the list.

[BrotherLarry]

Re: Pray for Sister Elizabeth Johnson, newly a widow

First Corinthians 7:39-40 gives blanket permission for remarriage after the death of one's spouse—although it is not mandatory:

A wife is bound to her husband as long as he lives. But if her husband dies, she is free to be married to whom she wishes, only in the Lord. Yet in my judgment she is happier if she remains as she is. And I think that I too have the Spirit of God.

Marriage vows are only binding while both parties live. There is no marriage in heaven (Matthew 22:30), so there is no marriage of the dead.

In the Old Testament, remarriage after the death of a spouse was usually a matter of children. After Sarah died, Abraham married Keturah who gave him six sons. God supported Levirate marriages (wherein a childless widow married her late husband's brother to provide an heir for her husband) so that a man's property would remain with his descendants and a woman would be cared for by her son (Deuteronomy 25:5-6). This ensured the woman had an option to remarry since, as a widow, she could not provide a political advantage for her father's family.

With the advent of the church, women didn't have to remarry after the death of their spouses. The church as Christ's body was impelled to provide for faithful, righteous, elderly widows who had no family support (1 Timothy 5:3-10). In a way, the church was compensating such women for the kingdom work they performed (verse 10). Older widows with family were to be cared for by their family. Younger widows, however, were not to be supported by the church. It was doubted as to whether a young widow could truly dedicate the rest of her life to God and the church, rejecting all possibility of remarrying. (There were exceptions, of course, as in Anna in Luke 2:36-37.) An older widow had a resume of sorts, showing her lifetime of prudent and godly living. Younger women were tempted not only by the thought of marriage, but also by the idleness that comes with financial stability and no direct responsibilities. Since tending a family was one of the very few career choices young women had, it was better they were occupied with that.

In a culture where the desire to be married was assumed and, for women, the idea of support without family was nearly impossible, remarriage after a spouse's death was a great attraction on a purely practical level. The Bible clearly says that widows and widowers are free to remarry, but it does not say if they should. Remarriage is as much a matter for spiritual discernment as the initial marriage. It is good to be married, and it is good to be single. Only God knows which is best for each person. And True Christian(TM) men have quite a good idea about it too, especially if they are as educated as a certified equine gnathologist. I'm still praying for you, Elizabeth. May God truly comfort you in the loss of Marlon or Methuselah or whatever his bloody name was. JESUS will be there with you each step of the way. Let's get some pizza.

[Basilissa]

Re: Pray for Sister Elizabeth Johnson, newly a widow

First Corinthians 7:39-40 gives blanket permission for remarriage after the death of one's spouse

Now, that's the thing. Are you absolutely certain that Mrs. Elizabeth's husband is dead, or is he just missing - just like Brother Faith Machine and Mistress Cookie were missing when he kidnapped her they were on a field trip together? (Not that I'm implying anything, of course).

[Mary Etheldreda]

Re: Pray for Sister Elizabeth Johnson, newly a widow

I will keep Mrs. Johnson in my prayers. May she embrace the lifestyle the Apostle Paul deems to be the most holy and noble for widows: Celibacy, just like him.

I say therefore to the unmarried and widows, It is good for them if they abide even as I.
1 Corinthians 7:8

Because this is recorded in the canon, we know Jesus approves (2 Timothy 3:16). It's good for widows like Mrs. Johnson to never touch another partner in an intimate way because that was what worked out for Paul. The fact that he was ugly, short, bald, saw things no one else did, had aggressive eyebrows, and was in constant bad health probably had nothing to do with the fact that he couldn't find a wife. And because he couldn't find one, or didn't want one, he learned to turn off his natural impulses to seed a woman and reproduce. If that's what God wants from us, who are we to say that's not good enough?

But if they cannot contain, let them marry: for it is better to marry than to burn.
1 Corinthians 7:9

I don't understand why a woman who has already known a man would have anything left to contain. When a young virgin watches shows like Touched by an Angel, or Matlock, shows in which couples look at each other tenderly, it inspires one to feel emotions based on fantasy. Romance isn't a biblical virtue, it's a Hollywood one. Once a woman gets married, she recognizes her responsibility is to serve her husband and tend to his children in such a way they don't embarrass him in public or cost too much. Why anyone would want to do that twice is beyond me.

I never understood the whole appeal of grunting and being displayed in a most unladylike way in order to deposit the seed. Decent women don't like to be in immodest positions, and in the summer time that's coupled with sweat and it's just all so unladylike. I blame Cosmo and other pornographic media, and I'm sure Mrs. Johnson isn't like that at all. I pray all men stay away from her, lest her flesh begin to rebel against her spirit and make her weak.

[BrotherLarry]

Re: Pray for Sister Elizabeth Johnson, newly a widow

Now, that's the thing. Are you absolutely certain that Mrs. Elizabeth's husband is dead, or is he just missing - just like Brother Faith Machine and Mistress Cookie were missing when he kidnapped her they were on a field trip together? (Not that I'm implying anything, of course).

I am sure Brother Trevor and his Black Lives Matter team can answer that question, although he won't. To imply Sister Beth doesn't know if her own husband was brutally murdered by an AR-15 as he stood next to a Buick Skylark with one headlight out is ludicrous.

[handmaiden]

Re: Pray for Sister Elizabeth Johnson, newly a widow

I never understood the whole appeal of grunting and being displayed in a most unladylike way in order to deposit the seed. Decent women don't like to be in immodest positions, and in the summer time that's coupled with sweat and it's just all so unladylike.

The Jews have a story (not true, of course) about Adam's first wife, Liltih, who refused to lie on her back and think of England, Israel, America whatever. The point is that she liked to be on top, because supposedly that position allows for more pleasure for the woman. (As if that were even a possibility.)


In the story,(not true, of course) the Lord boots her out of there and provides Eve, who for all her (major catastrophic consequences) faults, knew enough to lie supine so that her husband's littledidn't have to wear themselves out swimming upstream, as it were.


Many years ago, some sick-ular scientists learned that the boy were more active but skinnier, while the girl , were fat and slow. The fat, slow strategy meant that the girls could withstand a longer trip through the "vessel" (if you catch my drift) without dissolving or some such nonsense. The boys did better when they didn't have to swim upstream. In fact, conception in general is more likely if the woman just lays there (like she's supposed to) and doesn't jump up to pursue a career or read popular magazines or do other things to usurp male authority.


So, even science makes it clear that to ensure God's purpose in creating little , a woman's duty is to remain quiet, flat and motionless. Any other approach to the activity is sinful. That's actually why the Lord made it so unpleasant.


Accurately Yours,


Handmaiden

[Basilissa]

Re: Pray for Sister Elizabeth Johnson, newly a widow

I am sure Brother Trevor and his Black Lives Matter team can answer that question, although he won't. To imply Sister Beth doesn't know if her own husband was brutally murdered by an AR-15 as he stood next to a Buick Skylark with one headlight out is ludicrous.

Your knowledge of the details of this event is quite astonishing, Brother Larry. Did you know the whats-his-face deceased well? Were you accompanying him at the event in question when the alleged murder has happened? Did you see it happen? Did you see and if so can you describe the alleged perpetrator? Do you have any proof of what happened (such as but not limited to the possession of an AR-15)?

Just in case, I will still be alternating my prayers for his soul with prayers for his prompt return from his escapade.

[BrotherLarry]

Re: Pray for Sister Elizabeth Johnson, newly a widow

Your knowledge of the details of this event is quite astonishing, Brother Larry. Did you know the whats-his-face deceased well? Were you accompanying him at the event in question when the alleged murder has happened? Did you see it happen? Did you see and if so can you describe the alleged perpetrator? Do you have any proof of what happened (such as but not limited to the possession of an AR015)?

Just in case, I will still be alternating my prayers for his soul with prayers for his prompt return from his escapade.

I don't mean to use foul language, but this is balderdash.


Obviously, the Rastafarian chose to take out a white True Christian(TM) who was only trying to preach peace to a troubled world. Let us put our minds back where they belong - supporting and consoling our beautiful Sister Elizabeth, whose face could launch a thousand ships - and the repose of the soul of Munchkin or Marlboro or whatever his name was, rather than speculating on the circumstances. Elizabeth's husband is now in Heaven, and his bullet riddled body is in California, being tended to by expert restorationists in preparation for appropriate Christian burial. I have my ticket to California in hand for the service.


My knowledge of the event only comes from things that have previously been posted and/or from the whisperings of the Holy Ghost.

[Samuel Hubbard]

Re: Pray for Sister Elizabeth Johnson, newly a widow

I am sure Brother Trevor and his Black Lives Matter team can answer that question, although he won't. To imply Sister Beth doesn't know if her own husband was brutally murdered by an AR-15 as he stood next to a Buick Skylark with one headlight out is ludicrous.

Your knowledge of the incident and the fact that you've both expressed interest in Mrs. Johnson and said that you'd want to marry her if anything happened to her husband seems awfully suspicious. How do we know that you weren't involved somehow?

[handmaiden]

Re: Pray for Sister Elizabeth Johnson, newly a widow

Your knowledge of the incident and the fact that you've both expressed interest in Mrs. Johnson and said that you'd want to marry her if anything happened to her husband seems awfully suspicious. How do we know that you weren't involved somehow?

Dear Mr. Unsaved Trash Hubbard;


Your allegations are out of line to the degree that Columbus was off in turning left to find India from Europe when he should have turned right.


It is not your place to cast aspersions upon the person of Mr. Brother Larry. He has been Redeemed by the Blood of Jesus and is therefore beyond the judgment of hell bound refuse such as yourself.


Now, either apologize to Brother Larry and behave yourself here on in while visiting this forum, or prostrate yourself in repentance before the Lord God Jesus Christ and accept His Sacrifice on your behalf. Once you are washed clean in the Lamb's Blood of Life, then you can involve yourself in the discussions of the merits of Brother Larry's suit of Sister Johnson's hand in matrimony.


Pasquinatously Yours,


Handmaiden

[Samuel Hubbard]

Re: Pray for Sister Elizabeth Johnson, newly a widow

Dear Mr. Unsaved Trash Hubbard;


Your allegations are out of line to the degree that Columbus was off in turning left to find India from Europe when he should have turned right.


It is not your place to cast aspersions upon the person of Mr. Brother Larry. He has been Redeemed by the Blood of Jesus and is therefore beyond the judgment of hell bound refuse such as yourself.


Now, either apologize to Brother Larry and behave yourself here on in while visiting this forum, or prostrate yourself in repentance before the Lord God Jesus Christ and accept His Sacrifice on your behalf. Once you are washed clean in the Lamb's Blood of Life, then you can involve yourself in the discussions of the merits of Brother Larry's suit of Sister Johnson's hand in matrimony.


Pasquinatously Yours,


Handmaiden

I wasn't judging him, I was merely pointing out how suspicious Mrs. Johnson's husband's death seems. I recall seeing a thread a while ago where Brother Larry said he was waiting for something to happen to Mrs. Johnson's husband. He also mentioned something about the killer taking $50 in a different thread where he went into more detail about what was going on when Mr. Johnson's husband was shot. I think he paid someone to kill her husband so he could marry her.

[Esther B.]

Re: Pray for Sister Elizabeth Johnson, newly a widow

I wasn't judging him, I was merely pointing out how suspicious Mrs. Johnson's husband's death seems. I recall seeing a thread a while ago where Brother Larry said he was waiting for something to happen to Mrs. Johnson's husband. He also mentioned something about the killer taking $50 in a different thread where he went into more detail about what was going on when Mr. Johnson's husband was shot. I think he paid someone to kill her husband so he could marry her.

How dare you accuse Brother Larry of killing Sister Elizabeth's husband. As he said in an earlier post, his knowledge of the event comes from previous posts and the Holy Ghost. If he was with Sister Elizabeth's husband, it was probably for a completely innocent reason. Brother Larry is a Godly man who would never do anything to make a True Christian™ woman a widow, even if he did admire her.

[Mrs. Elizabeth Johnson]

Re: Pray for Sister Elizabeth Johnson, newly a widow

Samuel, the police were quite clear to me that a black man killed him. The liberal media though, has refused to cover it, and Fox hasn't published the article, despite my lobbying them to since they don't want racism charges and lose their company. So, they said they are saving themselves so they can publish more about the godly right, though it is at the negative effect to me and does in my stupid female mind, seem as an affront to Jesus in Genesis 9:20-27. Then again, I'm a woman, so what do I know?

Either way, Jesus called him home, and I was blessed to have such a loving, Christian, Bible-obeying, God-fearing husband while I could. I'm also blessed with the four sons that are a blessing form the Lord (Psalm 127:3) and my daughter.


My father is still unsure whether I am to remarry or not, so he's says that any man who is interested in me must send him (through this account) a mini biography with their finances so he knows that the man who he is doing business with is someone he can work with.


Yours in Christ,
Widow Elizabeth Johnson