[SalvationSeeker]

Re: I'VE BEEN WOUNDED BY SADDAM'S WMD!

Hey, God says that you have to respect the law, because the leaders were put in place by God. These Buddhist Monks are in rebellion against God, and God will not be mocked.

Well, that should go without saying..
They ARE boodhists after all.

I think this could be a great opportunity to spread Christianity in Burma..
The government is sure to embrace it (and thus enforce it as Jesus wants) if you lay down its benefits well enough, brother.

[Jeb Stuart Thurmond]

Re: I'VE BEEN WOUNDED BY SADDAM'S WMD!

Sorry I never got to actually see you in person, Trent. You're probably wondering why my trip has ended up lasting so much longer than I initially planned.

Finally I'm at liberty to disclose my true location: I've not actually been in Thailand, I've been in Myanmar A.K.A. Burma. You'll recall Burma is a great place to manufacture All-American Republican Party campaign gear:

http://www.smh.com.au/articles/2004/03/19/1079199430627.html

The official merchandise website for George Bush's re-election campaign has sold clothing made in Burma...

The merchandise includes a $US49.95 ($66.50) fleece jacket, embroidered with the Bush-Cheney '04 logo, bearing a label stating it was made in Burma. The jacket was sent to the New York newspaper Newsday as part of an order that included a shirt made in Mexico and a hat with no country-of-origin label.

The Bush merchandise is handled by Spalding Group, a 20-year-old supplier of campaign products and services in Kentucky that says it has worked for the last five Republican presidential nominees...

Bush campaign officials did not return calls seeking comment. The imports are potentially an issue because outsourcing has become a hot political topic in the election...

Human rights groups say Burmese textile workers are paid only a few cents an hour.

Charles Kernaghan, director of the National Labour Committee, said: "Given the debate about outsourcing, it's amazing that the campaign would be selling stuff made in the most brutal country on earth, known for things like child labour and sexual slavery. It shows a crude indifference to this issue."

So, there's been a lot of trouble recently, the Buddhist hippies are running riot all over the place, something they call a "Safron Revolution" or whatever, typical hippie BS. I'm advising the government on the proper business-friendly actions to take.

They're all "Let's Tienamen square 'em", but I've recommended that instead they disguise their troops as Buddhist Monks, blow something up, and THEN utterly destroy the rebels.

Hey, God says that you have to respect the law, because the leaders were put in place by God. These Buddhist Monks are in rebellion against God, and God will not be mocked.

Will be providing updates.

[Bobby-Joe]

Re: I'VE BEEN WOUNDED BY SADDAM'S WMD!

Well, I don't know what
I'm writing this on my laptop at Blackwater's training center. Just test shot the prototype submachinegun named after Jesus Christ! That's right, the gun is called "Chris":




(They spell it "Kriss" for some reason, no idea why).

Then I'm off to Iraq, where grateful citizens still dancing in the streets in welcome to their guests. Nice to know there's some places in the world where guests are still treated right. Unlike some places I could name.

Well all’s well that ends well as they say. Trent is back on the front lines of the war on Terror and Jeb’s place is as good as new.

Well almost,...

Jeb, you may need to have do some touch up. While the Black Water boys were quite professional with your property (as for your staff, well they are replaceable enough) we had another incident with Brother Leeroy Jerkins. Seems he got a little too enthusiastic about the mouse problem, he didn’t hear that the Security Detail was only to contain the mice while the exterminators do their job and well took matters into his own eager hands. LOL is all I can say about Brother Leeroy. You certainly got to admire his fighting spirit for Jesus. Anyway Jeb you will be happy to know the mice problem in your house has been decisively solved.

PS Brother Leeroy says he is sorry about the windows Sister Talitha.

[Trent Harvey, Jr.]

Re: I'VE BEEN WOUNDED BY SADDAM'S WMD!

Well, I don't know what all the fuss is about, Oreo pizzas are everything I dreamed they would be. I'm going to be lobbying for a Dominoes franchise as close to the green zone as possible. Best off all, if they get shot by one of our roadblocks, it will take them more than half an hour and that means we get the pizza for free!

I'm writing this on my laptop at Blackwater's training center. Just test shot the prototype submachinegun named after Jesus Christ! That's right, the gun is called "Chris":




(They spell it "Kriss" for some reason, no idea why).

Then I'm off to Iraq, where grateful citizens still dancing in the streets in welcome to their guests. Nice to know there's some places in the world where guests are still treated right. Unlike some places I could name.

[Trent Harvey, Jr.]

Re: I'VE BEEN WOUNDED BY SADDAM'S WMD!

I am on the laptop in the Hummer and it is still touch and go. We had do move in because Trent was rigging some of Jeb's propane tanks up as improvised rockets that he was planning to launch at Brother Crownie's "mouse" farm.

It's not a rocket - I'm not Star-finder here! It's just a simple land-torpedo. Look we have to stop this infestation at the source! We can't play defense!

Mr. Crownie has been nothing but trouble since the fur industry went downhill. His minks look like skunks and those hats he makes look like roadkill. His farm won't be missed if someone took it out of the equation.

Dammit, I'm not going to ask for a permission slip to defend Jeb's house!

And why all this dwelling on the things that have gone wrong? Is anyone thanking me for hunting down every feral cat in the area? Even with Halliburton it took us months to de-cat the green zone, I did it here within days. Why, we could have all died from cat-germs if it wasn't for me.

Oh, the Blackwater boys are here. Crap, is he really holding an Oreo-pizza? Hm, let me just pray for a moment, and if God wills it, he might faith-heal my hand and have the holy spirit gently guide me out to accept the Oreo-Pizza. Give me a sign, oh Lord.

[Bobby-Joe]

Re: I'VE BEEN WOUNDED BY SADDAM'S WMD!

You're right. They better.
Brother BJ, any updates on this situation? Have Trent left the house yet?
Last I saw, you were still shooting tear gas, and when I saw that bulldozer..
I figured it was time for me to leave the scene.

I am on the laptop in the Hummer and it is still touch and go. We had do move in because Trent was rigging some of Jeb's propane tanks up as improvised rockets that he was planning to launch at Brother Crownie's "mouse" farm.

Jeb,

We hired a security team from Blackwater to fetch Trent. (I figured Trent would feel better with familiar faces) There in right now so that's the good news. There were some difficulties so you will have to hire a new maid and a gardener when you get back. (Sweet Jesus Mexicans and pack a lot of food in their guts)

[SalvationSeeker]

Re: I'VE BEEN WOUNDED BY SADDAM'S WMD!

Personally I say burn the neighborhood. That way the mice won't be able to defeat it. Otherwise those damn mice will spread and come to *our* homes. Why do you want everyone's children to be bitten by rats? Why do you support the bubonic plague?!

You're right. They better.
I took a little trip round to Jeb's neighbourhood earlier and there's mice in the streets close to his place too now ..
I can only imagine they'll spread even further given enough time.

In any case..
Brother Jeb, it seems that somehow, during all this chaos, someone has stolen all the guns kept at your manison.
But don't worry - I have a few pieces for you to buy, at quite reasonable prices.
And to make matters even better they're very similar, practically identical even, to the ones you lost.


Brother BJ, any updates on this situation? Have Trent left the house yet?
Last I saw, you were still shooting tear gas, and when I saw that bulldozer..
I figured it was time for me to leave the scene.

[Dr. Ernest C. Ville, D.C.S.]

Re: I'VE BEEN WOUNDED BY SADDAM'S WMD!

Personally I say burn the neighborhood. That way the mice won't be able to defeat it. Otherwise those damn mice will spread and come to *our* homes. Why do you want everyone's children to be bitten by rats? Why do you support the bubonic plague?!

[Bobby-Joe]

Re: I'VE BEEN WOUNDED BY SADDAM'S WMD!

Trent, please open the door. They're about to launch tear-gas canisters into the house and we all saw what that did to the compound at Waco. The commanding officer was bitten by a mouse in a sensetive spot and now he is willing to destroy my house to save it.

Think about it all: you came to my house to heal your wounds, and now your wounds are infected, you're deep in debt, vermin is spreading to the neigbours, and the whole place is about to come down.

I didn't think someone as popular as you could do it, but you've actually managed to wear out your welcome.

I don't know Jeb, maybe tear gas and fire may be the best way to deal with that house. I am in my Hummer right now on my lap top out in front of your place and I have never seen so many mice in my life. Were did they come from? We have to do something fast or we might lose the entire neighborhood.

[Jeb Stuart Thurmond]

Re: I'VE BEEN WOUNDED BY SADDAM'S WMD!

Trent, please open the door. They're about to launch tear-gas canisters into the house and we all saw what that did to the compound at Waco. The commanding officer was bitten by a mouse in a sensetive spot and now he is willing to destroy my house to save it.

Think about it all: you came to my house to heal your wounds, and now your wounds are infected, you're deep in debt, vermin is spreading to the neigbours, and the whole place is about to come down.

I didn't think someone as popular as you could do it, but you've actually managed to wear out your welcome.

[Pastor Ezekiel]

Re: I'VE BEEN WOUNDED BY SADDAM'S WMD!

Brother Trent;

The DOF are on their way. They've dispatched a special escort team for you. some kind of honor guard probably. Anyway they will be plenty steamed if they have to take a wall out of Brother Jeb's house, taser you and drag you out of there screaming in front of the servants. Come on, open the door and let BJ and his boys in security in there to do their work.

I hear they have a wicked Salsbury Steak at Walter Reed, Trent....

[Bobby-Joe]

Re: I'VE BEEN WOUNDED BY SADDAM'S WMD!

Trent,

Please open the door to the house. I have to do the inspection as Paster Al ordered me to. I also don't understand were you are getting this idea that Brother Brian Meyer is helping Brother Frank Crownie and his son "infiltrate" mice into Jeb's house. Even if they are this besides the point.

[Talitha]

Re: I'VE BEEN WOUNDED BY SADDAM'S WMD!

This entire situation is getting blown out of proportion! I am getting calls at all hours, and I am missing my nightly communion with JESUS!

So here is what is going to happen. Bobby- Joe, go search Trent's room for explosives or things he might have improperly brought in a diplomatic bag.

Talitha! Your fat ass womanly form is not designed to trampoline on Jeb's sleep number mattress. Take Trent out side and show him how to pick melons.....AND YOU BETTER HAVE HIM PICKING WATERMELONS, not those droopy things in your shirt.

Zeke....call the DOF and arrange for Trent to be admitted to Walter Reed Medical center until his wounds heal. Then he needs another tour in the Green zone. He makes BIG money there and his tithes have dropped to almost nothing since he has to replace Jeb's windows...and BBQ....and fish tank....and guest bed.

I have things to do here, people! I am about GOD's BUSINESS! I am not a damn secular contractor! GET THIS SETTLED, NOW!

Angry
Pastor Al

Oh Pastor, you are a mean old Grumpy Trousers sometimes. Since you had those ole Prostate problems I swear It's gotten worse!


You know, since that 5 year old brat stole my bottle of "sweeties" I've never felt so good

Trent Honey, don't worry. I'll come back over and sort this all out. Now, you find the key to that big old Garage out back. I believe Brother Jeb has a big Hummer parked up. We can outrun any Ambulance in that, and then late on we'll call in and see Pastor Pistle. He can show you all his nice Paintings and then we can have Prayers.

[Trent Harvey, Jr.]

Re: I'VE BEEN WOUNDED BY SADDAM'S WMD!

Woah, woah, let's not get emotional here! Look, so some mistakes were made, some objects may or may not have been broken, and some of the grape juice in the wine cellar may or may not have evaporated....But some people need to move on with their lives, you know? Let's not dwell on the past here. Playing the blame game over yesterday's miscalculations won't solve today's problems.

I've managed to get a new loan, and have increased the limit on my credit card. The tithes are in the mail. Everything is getting cleaned up, and I can see the light at the end of the tunnel.

Did you know all this stress has weakened my immune system and caused my hand to become infected? And if you come over here, opening the door will let more mice in.

So whose side are you on?

[Pastor Ezekiel]

Re: I'VE BEEN WOUNDED BY SADDAM'S WMD!

This entire situation is getting blown out of proportion! I am getting calls at all hours, and I am missing my nightly communion with JESUS!

Zeke....call the DOF and arrange for Trent to be admitted to Walter Reed Medical center until his wounds heal. Then he needs another tour in the Green zone. He makes BIG money there and his tithes have dropped to almost nothing since he has to replace Jeb's windows...and BBQ....and fish tank....and guest bed.

I have things to do here, people! I am about GOD's BUSINESS! I am not a damn secular contractor! GET THIS SETTLED, NOW!

Angry
Pastor Al

Done and double done, sir! I'll get him a bed in the "special unit" next to my uncle, Donald "Rummy" Rumsfeld. Real nice place, best of everything. They pipe your sermons into the unit 24/7, on account of uncle rummy being such a fan. I wager Brother Trent will be up and at 'em in no time flat.

Back to the front and 30 pounds lighter too! Sound good Brother Trent?