Pray for me to lose my suntan before Christmas

[Michelle1991]

Some good Christians in here said I seem a bit Eskimo (and one mighty handsome True Christian has even used the n-word) when I’m trying to make new friends here in this Godly forum.
I for sure am not an Eskimo, since both my parents are Caucasian, and catching tigers and all of that Mom tells me Eskimos do for fun just isn’t my thing at all.
However, I have been fooling around a lot in our sunny garden, drinking lemonade and playing catch with our dog instead of attending to Mom’s Bible class in the kitchen, during this Godly nice summer and I begin to wonder that this tan of mine might be God’s way of telling me that I have sinned during summer time.
Would you please pray with me?

[Pastor Ezekiel]

Re: Pray for me to lose my suntan before Christmas

No, we won't.

[Rev. M. Rodimer]

Re: Pray for me to lose my suntan before Christmas

Try sunscreen and not baring your flesh to arouse the lusts of innocent neighbor men. Find a loose-fitting garment that covers all those parts that make men mad, then add a big floppy hat and gardening gloves, and you will have solved your suntan problem.

[Seth Campbell]

Re: Pray for me to lose my suntan before Christmas

Here you go, the top 10 skin whitening creams

Is it really that difficult for you to look things up?

[Warner S. Davidson]

Re: Pray for me to lose my suntan before Christmas

Some good Christians in here said I seem a bit Eskimo (and one mighty handsome True Christian has even used the n-word) when I’m trying to make new friends here in this Godly forum.
I for sure am not an Eskimo, since both my parents are Caucasian, and catching tigers and all of that Mom tells me Eskimos do for fun just isn’t my thing at all.
However, I have been fooling around a lot in our sunny garden, drinking lemonade and playing catch with our dog instead of attending to Mom’s Bible class in the kitchen, during this Godly nice summer and I begin to wonder that this tan of mine might be God’s way of telling me that I have sinned during summer time.
Would you please pray with me?

I would suggest that it is a little late for prayer

As both your parents are Caucasian and you are obviously some sort of coon is there any the chance that your mother is actually a lying Godless whore who has had carnal relations with the shoe shine boy in your town??

I know that this may seem a little insensitive but I think you should consider the very real possibility that you could well be a bastard child.

Of course bastard children, particularly a bastard resulting from interracial adultry are amongst the the most reviled by God therefore you are destined for special place in Hell.

You may want to look into this "situation" and perhaps speak to some of the Pastors here about your shame.

I will pray for you

Warner S. Davidson

[Phebe Carlyle]

Re: Pray for me to lose my suntan before Christmas

Some good Christians in here said I seem a bit Eskimo (and one mighty handsome True Christian has even used the n-word) when I’m trying to make new friends here in this Godly forum.
I for sure am not an Eskimo, since both my parents are Caucasian, and catching tigers and all of that Mom tells me Eskimos do for fun just isn’t my thing at all.
However, I have been fooling around a lot in our sunny garden, drinking lemonade and playing catch with our dog instead of attending to Mom’s Bible class in the kitchen, during this Godly nice summer and I begin to wonder that this tan of mine might be God’s way of telling me that I have sinned during summer time.
Would you please pray with me?

Miss Michelle,

I have already been advised, not only by my husband but also by the Pastors and Reverends, that it is best not to pray for you.

I can however offer a solution which may help, should you in fact just be a little "touched" by the sun, over being an eskimo.

Bathe in lemonjuice. That should help lighten your skin.

If that doesn't work, then Brother Warner's comment as to your mother being a Godless whore, may be the actual truth of the matter.

YIC

Mrs Phebe Dewitt.

[Rev. M. Rodimer]

Re: Pray for me to lose my suntan before Christmas

Miss Michelle, is it in any way possible you were adopted by Caucasian people, after your lawfully-wed Negro parents were killed in a drive-by shooting at KFC?

Such shootings are remarkably common. So much so that I'm glad white folks like myself are immune to the Negro-addictive drugs KFC puts in its synthetic "soylent" chicken temptation of eleven secret herbs and spices.

[HTannor]

Re: Pray for me to lose my suntan before Christmas

As you can see, Michelle, we both have tans:



I came by mine while toiling outdoors. I suspect your's was aquired through genetics.

Through careful analysis I compared our photos and have arrived at certain conclusions:

- There are no jigs in my bloodline
- There is at least one coon in yours.

- I have a rather attractive nose
- You do not

- My lips are narrow
- You have a real pair of flappers

- My hair is graying and somewhat curly
- You hair is of the "nappy haired ho" variety

- My tan will fade as the winter months approach
- You're stuck

- I have never lusted after females of other species
- I'll give you the benefit of the doubt that you wouldn't lust after other females, but I suspect you'd take on a white boy in a heartbeat

- I wouldn't even consider eating a piece of okra.
- I'll bet you inhale them like popcorn

Therefore, as Christmas day approaches, you'll still be a darkie. Perhaps someone will give your an appropriate present. And here I'm thinking a watermelon.


So, Michelle, you're of the spade persuasion. Live with it.

[N.Y.Times Reporter]

Re: Pray for me to lose my suntan before Christmas

Do you people believe that tans are a punishment by god?

[HTannor]

Re: Pray for me to lose my suntan before Christmas

Do you people believe that tans are a punishment by god?
__________________
Edward Johnson, newly hired reporter for N.Y. Times.
I'm conducting a report on the landover baptist church.
Anything you say or do might be used in the times.
May freedom of speech and press prevail.

Well, there, Jimmy Olsen, didn't your journalism classes teach you to capitalize the words "God", "Landover Baptist Church", and "Times"?

[Michelle1991]

Re: Pray for me to lose my suntan before Christmas

I for sure am not going to tempt any man in the neighborhood into doing foolish things, Rev. Rodimer. Mom got worried when the Stein family moved in next door and she has forbidden me to wear t-shirts in the garden while Dad was nice enough to put up this sign in front of our house:

All your helpful words actually made me wonder quite a lot. I think I’ll need a talk with Mom, since you’re right about them eyes of mine seems a bit darker than dad’s
(And Mr. HTannor: It’s definitely not just your handsome nose that is attractive)

[Viggo B. Kristoffersen]

Re: Pray for me to lose my suntan before Christmas

Dear negro friend

Now that you have come to realize that you are in fact a coon, I would suggest that you took a look at this.
It surely sounds like you have some great "parents". Not many negroes are lucky enough to be raised by good caucasian Christians. I hope you thank the LORD several times a day for this blessing??
And while your at it, remember to praise God that you found this tollerant and friendly place.

[Michelle1991]

Re: Pray for me to lose my suntan before Christmas

Thank you so much for being such a great and understanding Christian friend, Mr. Salvation Believer
Mom cried when she told the truth about how God refused to bless them with a child twenty years ago and that they therefore had to adopt me, but I’m feeling lucky indeed since I’ve got blessed with Christian parents instead of staying in the voodoo land of Africa where the tigers properly would have eat me by now
However, since I already gave in to Jesus years ago and the fact that I often dream of submitting myself to a good and handsome Christian man it all doesn’t change that much though

[HTannor]

Re: Pray for me to lose my suntan before Christmas

Thank you so much for being such a great and understanding Christian friend, Mr. Salvation Believer

Mom cried when she told the truth about how God refused to bless them with a child twenty years ago and that they therefore had to adopt me, but I’m feeling lucky indeed since I’ve got blessed with Christian parents instead of staying in the voodoo land of Africa where the tigers properly would have eat me by now

However, since I already gave in to Jesus years ago and the fact that I often dream of submitting myself to a good and handsome Christian man it all doesn’t change that much though

I am comforted by you and your mother having a nice chat.

It's good that you were able to escape a most unpleasant future had you stayed on in Africa. I suspect lions and tigers have developed quite an appetite for dark meat.

Your final thought shows a great deal of confidence in your future where you would find a fine Christian husband. I believe your parents have done an admirable job in de-negrifying you since your dreams are what we would expect of a white woman.

It's a pity that your tan won't be gone by Christmas. However, when your parents flock the tree, maybe you can catch some of the overspray.

[Seth Campbell]

Re: Pray for me to lose my suntan before Christmas

Thank you so much for being such a great and understanding Christian friend, Mr. Salvation Believer
Mom cried when she told the truth about how God refused to bless them with a child twenty years ago and that they therefore had to adopt me, but I’m feeling lucky indeed since I’ve got blessed with Christian parents instead of staying in the voodoo land of Africa where the tigers properly would have eat me by now
However, since I already gave in to Jesus years ago and the fact that I often dream of submitting myself to a good and handsome Christian man it all doesn’t change that much though

Well at least you're adopted, it could have been much worse. Your mother could have been a harlot damning your soul to Hell for her sins.

Maybe a pastor could chime in on whether or not you need to go through the ex-Negro program as you were raised white.