Pray the Peruvian Vampire Bat Plague Continues!

[Free Market Fred]

Re: Pray the Peruvian Vampire Bat Plague Continues!

Let me assure everyone here that there's no need to panic.

When my company decided to test rabies-infected bats to use as weapons of mass destruction, we were careful to conduct these tests in a remote third world backwater like the Peruvian jungle. We have no intention at this time to use rabid animals against Americans.

More good news - an effective vaccine against rabies exists. That makes it much safer to handle than our last experiment when we sent anthrax-laced mail to Democrat leaders back in 2001 (sure persuaded a lot of Dem congress-critters to vote for the Patriot Act!).


Postmen in Washington, DC: "Senator, you've got mail."

Our employee, Bruce Edwards Ivins, conveniently "committed suicide" when overzealous cops started closing in, but we learned our lesson: move the experiments overseas. Iraq has been a particularly useful testing ground for chemical, radioactive and biological weapons, but we found that the rabid bats didn't do well in the desert climate (not enough bugs for them to eat), so we decided to take that experiment to Peru.

Bit I digress. The rabies vaccine: as an added bonus, when the time comes we can inject good people (ie white Christian Republicans) with the vaccine first, before we unleash the rabid bats. This way, we can eliminate undesirables with a targeted precision was was never possible in previous population-culling campaigns.


Now all we've got to do is teach them to bite only liberals

I just love modern technology.

[Mistress Cookie]

Re: Pray the Peruvian Vampire Bat Plague Continues!

What I don't understand is, What were these children doing out in the Amazon Forest at night? The article says:

"These bats feed at night, and since they do not find large animals they bite unprotected people."

But if the children just stayed in bed as they were told, and did not go sneaking off into the rain forest, they would be safe.

Where are the parents??
Pray the Peruvian Vampire Bat Plague Continues!

[Bobby-Joe]

Re: Pray the Peruvian Vampire Bat Plague Continues!

Combined with that Chilean earthquake this has been a Godly year for South American. About time South American feel some of The Lord's Tough Love. Plague of rabbits, blood sucking flying rats. Perfect.

[SUV]

Re: Pray the Peruvian Vampire Bat Plague Continues!

Mistress,

And what is a bat but a RAT on wings?

RA10 or bust!!!

[Mistress Cookie]

Praise Jesus™, Brothers and Sisters! The prophesies of Leviticus 26:21 are coming true at last!

"And if ye walk contrary unto me, and will not hearken unto me; I will bring seven times more plagues upon you according to your sins."

RABID VAMPIRE BATS KILL 5 CHILDREN IN PERU

Death toll could rise, doctor warns, as it takes 15 hours to reach remote villages


Rabid vampire bats have reportedly killed at least five children aged between 5 and 10 in Amazon rainforest of Peru.

Fernando Borjas, a doctor, said the rabies outbreak had been going on for several months, the U.K.'s Daily Telegraph newspaper reported.

"These bats feed at night, and since they do not find large animals they bite unprotected people," Borjas was quoted as saying by the paper.

"I cannot discount the death toll mounting, because unfortunately we cannot get them the vaccines quickly enough because the communities are so remote," he added.

The children belonged to the Wampis and Awajun communities in Condorcanqui province, near the border with Ecuador.

Borjas said there were reports that 3,500 people had been bitten by the vampire bats this year alone, according to the Telegraph, with at least 20 deaths.

It takes 15 hours traveling along rivers by boat for medical teams to reach the remote villages, the newspaper said.