[handmaiden]

Re: Pray For Me to Get an Erection Next Weekend

The way that you keep referring to your wife, in quotes, "wife" , is troubling to me.

You may need to take a sip of wine to relax you before you attempt at intercoursing your wife. Furthermore, you must have faith. Jesus has never let a man down, yet. Why, God even allowed Lot to "enlargen" when he and his daughters were in that cave together.

Also, remember Abraham. He was rather old when he begot Issac. If God can come through for him, then He can come through for you.

Having been married, I do have some experience with these matters, which is the only reason that I, a genteel, Christian lady, would write of such things.

Picking out names for your future offspring and saying such things as "Come on, little Zach" or whatever may improve your chances at conception.

I must go and give thanks to Jesus for my celibacy now. His love is the only masculine attention that I need.

Spirtitually Yours,

Handmaiden

[landoverlover]

Re: Pray For Me to Get an Erection Next Weekend

Please, this is getting desperate. I could not perform my manly duties on Saturday at all. Sunday was the same, and now it is Monday and my "wife" wants to try again. We are heading off on our honeymoon on Friday, and I am so worried that my week away with her in the sun will yield the same results. I would like to make it clear that I am NOT a homosexual and that my "wife" is of the female persuasion has NOTHING to do with my inabilities to gain arousal.

Please, please, please pray for me. I am at my wits end.

Yours with Christ (doesn't "yours in Christ" sound just a little bit like you're "in" Him in a gay way?)

Oh forcryin'outloud. Weren't you in the Boy Scouts? (You sound like a Scout Leader....) Do First Aid. Get two popsicle sticks, some string, some vaseline, and make a slippery splint for Big Jim. Didn't they teach you ANYTHING? We unemployed lumberjacks whittle them for the VA hospital.

[Jedediah]

Re: Pray For Me to Get an Erection Next Weekend

Focus on your goal. Your goal is to make children for the glory of His Kingdom. Remember Jesus. He died (temporarily) for you!

Give the following video a watch, starting at the 5:00 mark. If that doesn't get the blood flowing to your privy member, then I'm afraid you may be a lost cause.

[LordSaveUs]

Re: Pray For Me to Get an Erection Next Weekend

Please, this is getting desperate. I could not perform my manly duties on Saturday at all. Sunday was the same, and now it is Monday and my "wife" wants to try again. We are heading off on our honeymoon on Friday, and I am so worried that my week away with her in the sun will yield the same results. I would like to make it clear that I am NOT a homosexual and that my "wife" is of the female persuasion has NOTHING to do with my inabilities to gain arousal.

Please, please, please pray for me. I am at my wits end.

Yours with Christ (doesn't "yours in Christ" sound just a little bit like you're "in" Him in a gay way?)

[Seth Campbell]

Re: Pray For Me to Get an Erection Next Weekend

OK - So It's my wedding night and I snuck out to the business center in the hotel. We've had 3 attempts and so far absolutely nothing has happened to help my man expand to the size needed for the performance of my husbandly duties. Now given than I'm NOT gay and my "wife" is very up for it (so we can make a new Christian baby on our wedding night), does anyone have any advice before I lose my mind? Fast replies please, it's late and she thinks I just went to the hotel chapel to pray. Thank you!!!! Praise The LORD Jesus.

Relax, I think you're not rising to the occasion because you are putting too much stress on yourself. We didn't do "it" on our wedding night. We got back to the hotel, sat on the couch, she started rubbing my feet and the next thing either one of us knew, it was morning.

I think it was day 3 by the time we actually consummated the marriage. Day 2 was a travel day and again, we were both just too bushed by the end of it.

[Daisy Mae Johnson]

Re: Pray For Me to Get an Erection Next Weekend

OK - So It's my wedding night and I snuck out to the business center in the hotel. We've had 3 attempts and so far absolutely nothing has happened to help my man expand to the size needed for the performance of my husbandly duties. Now given than I'm NOT gay and my "wife" is very up for it (so we can make a new Christian baby on our wedding night), does anyone have any advice before I lose my mind? Fast replies please, it's late and she thinks I just went to the hotel chapel to pray. Thank you!!!! Praise The LORD Jesus.

Think about JESUS and how he was HUNG up on the Cross (for you).

Think about her fresh pies.

Do it for the kids! The kids you will make for HIM that is.

You can do it Brother LSU, you can get it UP for JESUS!

Now go back in there and make some babies.

[LordSaveUs]

Re: Pray For Me to Get an Erection Next Weekend

OK - So It's my wedding night and I snuck out to the business center in the hotel. We've had 3 attempts and so far absolutely nothing has happened to help my man expand to the size needed for the performance of my husbandly duties. Now given than I'm NOT gay and my "wife" is very up for it (so we can make a new Christian baby on our wedding night), does anyone have any advice before I lose my mind? Fast replies please, it's late and she thinks I just went to the hotel chapel to pray. Thank you!!!! Praise The LORD Jesus.

[James Dewitt]

Re: Pray For Me to Get an Erection Next Weekend

I can see why you'd want to do that, but I think that Crocodile Arnold's fruity Australian accent might be a little bit sinful. I'd suggest finding some other form of manly, masculine stimulation to increase your virility. Why not watch that wikileaks video of that Godly US helicopter gunship shooting down muslims? That's the kind of stuff that should get your manjuices going and get your little man up and ready to go.

Ever seen the movie Rocky? That one for some reason makes MR wiggly stand tall.

[Brother Temperance]

Re: Pray For Me to Get an Erection Next Weekend

Thank you Jedediah for your sterling advice. I will certainly take that on board, but rather than Reagan, I prefer the rippling muscles of Arnold in his prime. So I will think of Arnie and hope to perform and produce some Christian babies.

My new "wife" will be pleased.

I can see why you'd want to do that, but I think that Crocodile Arnold's fruity Australian accent might be a little bit sinful. I'd suggest finding some other form of manly, masculine stimulation to increase your virility. Why not watch that wikileaks video of that Godly US helicopter gunship shooting down muslims? That's the kind of stuff that should get your manjuices going and get your little man up and ready to go.

[Pastor Ezekiel]

Re: Pray For Me to Get an Erection Next Weekend

Maybe he's a jap talking about voting?

[Bob4God]

Re: Pray For Me to Get an Erection Next Weekend

Perhaps the females in this thread could find something to go do in the kitchen?

[Rev. M. Rodimer]

Re: Pray For Me to Get an Erection Next Weekend

Thank you Jedediah for your sterling advice. I will certainly take that on board, but rather than Reagan, I prefer the rippling muscles of Arnold in his prime. So I will think of Arnie and hope to perform and produce some Christian babies.

My new "wife" will be pleased.

I do hope your "wife" is capable of bearing children, not on birth control, and that you have not had a vasectomy.

The sole purpose for sexual relations is to bear children. This is why sodomy is illegal in a number of states (oral/anal sex, even between heterosexual couples). If you are expecting to have recreational sex, you are buying yourself a ticket to Hell!

[LordSaveUs]

Re: Pray For Me to Get an Erection Next Weekend

Thank you Jedediah for your sterling advice. I will certainly take that on board, but rather than Reagan, I prefer the rippling muscles of Arnold in his prime. So I will think of Arnie and hope to perform and produce some Christian babies.

My new "wife" will be pleased.

[Jedediah]

Re: Pray For Me to Get an Erection Next Weekend

When I graduated from my Ex-Gay(c) Remedial Program seven years ago, I also found it difficult to achieve tumescence when my wife and I would attempt to conceive a son. But I found a trick...

I always become erect when I hear Ronald Reagan's voice, so I burned several of the Gipper's speeches to a CD. So as Rebekah laid silent and motionless, every organ on my body was brimming with stimulation as
"Government does not solve problems; it subsidizes them,"
"Government is not the solution to our problems; government IS the problem," and
"The abortionist who reassembles the arms and legs of a tiny baby to make sure all its parts have been torn from its mother's body can hardly doubt whether it is a human being,"
sent a tingle through my spine and, dare I say, my privy member.

This has worked for me on multiple occasions, and I have now fathered five sons, with a sixth on the way. So that is my advice to you: Play some of Ronald Reagan's Greatest Hits on your stereo while you do your business on your wife.

[Lisa H]

Re: Pray For Me to Get an Erection Next Weekend

...
Please play that my manhood performs.
...