My best friend has testicular cancer

[Humongous]

Re: My best friend has testicular cancer

well, i hope your friend gets well soon. and God willing he will!

on a side note, I was just finishing off the brine from a jar of cousin jeb's pickled hog testicles. is it possible to catch the cancer from eatin a tainted testicle? like say one of these poached hogs cousin jeb gelded had the cancer, like could I catch it too?

[Shela Tansper]

Re: My best friend has testicular cancer

Easy cure is using 2 housebricks but whoever is doing it make sure they keep their thumbs out of the way as the pain can be unbearable if they are caught between the bricks

[MarÃa Gálvez-Villalobos]

Re: My best friend has testicular cancer



Isn't he going get some treatment like radioteraia or quimioterapia?
I think he should be a good idea too, no?

YIC, Mari

[James Hutchins]

Re: My best friend has testicular cancer

I will pray for your friends testicles, Brother Jedediah. Is he sure it is not just testicle demons? They are pretty easy to expell. A good swift kick or single swing of a stout peice of hickory will do it. Rev. Osborne has told me when he gets them from time to time, As long as you catch them early or as a preventative measure, he has them exercised out.

[Jedediah]

Re: My best friend has testicular cancer

Careful where you lay those hands tho. You don't want to catch cancer, or worse give Satan the chance to tempt one of the weaker members of the congregation into becoming gay. No, it's all just too risky. Better to leave it to prayer and private prayer at that. Using smutty language in public is very embarassing. Why is your "friend" inflicting this on you, I wonder?

He has cancer, not the Aids. You can't get it by touching him.

Have you read the Bible, son? Mark 16:18 makes it very clear that True Believers heal the sick by the laying on of hands.

[Little Donkey]

Re: My best friend has testicular cancer

Careful where you lay those hands tho. You don't want to catch cancer, or worse give Satan the chance to tempt one of the weaker members of the congregation into becoming gay. No, it's all just too risky. Better to leave it to prayer and private prayer at that. Using smutty language in public is very embarassing. Why is your "friend" inflicting this on you, I wonder?

[Jedediah]

Friends,

My buddy Earl called me earlier this evening to inform me that the LORD has chosen to test his faith by giving him testicular cancer. Earl agreed when I said he should be thankful for this wonderful opportunity to strengthen his personal relationship with Jesus Christ, and that the LORD never gives us more than we can handle with His help.

However, Earl is seriously considering having his cancerous testicle removed, despite the warnings from Scripture:

Deuteronomy 23:1
He that is wounded in the stones, or hath his privy member cut off, shall not enter into the congregation of the LORD.

For those who know Earl, please pay him a visit and reinforce the warnings and admonishment I have given him about the perils of putting his faith in secular science rather than in the LORD of Hosts. Please remind him that prayer is sufficient for curing all illnesses if we truly have faith in Jesus, and that if God chooses not to cure his cancer, that it is all part of His Plan.

Mark 16:17-18
And these signs shall follow them that believe; In my name shall they cast out devils; they shall speak with new tongues;
They shall take up serpents; and if they drink any deadly thing, it shall not hurt them; they shall lay hands on the sick, and they shall recover.

Perhaps several of us should visit him after services on Sunday to administer a laying-on of hands and exhort Earl not to follow the Godless, secular doctors' advice to mutilate his privy member.

And please, keep Earl and his family in your prayers.