A nest of Wiccans!

[Bob4God]

Friends in CHRIST JESUS,

I come to you again for your prayers!

It has been revealed to me that there is satanic coven of disgusting, fat, pale-faced Wiccans in my very on town! I would never have thought it possible given the small population, and an incident involving that gay goth kid and the highschool football team last year. The devil is ruthless in his attempts to corrupt our children!

As it turns out, there have been Wiccans around town for a few years now, but they've banded together to carry out the devil's business of meeting in the woods at night to not worship GOD. One of the girls in my youth group was INVITED TO ATTEND by one of her friends, who she is no longer allowed to socialize with on penalty of being kicked out of the group.

She told me where they go to meet, and I am planning and gathering a bunch of the more rugged boys at my church to hike up there with me and hide in bushes to take notes of everybody who is there, so we can start mailing Chick tracts to their houses and make sure their parents know what their kids are involved in.

Or would it better to take a direct approach and bust up their little party right then and there?

Please pray that the LORD will direct us as the battle draws near.

I will keep you all posted.

[Ebenezer Wright]

Re: A nest of Wiccans!

Friend, You are on the Lords side! How can you lose? I pray for the youth of your town, that they see the error of their horrible ways and come around to the light!

[Justina Thyme]

Re: A nest of Wiccans!

Brother Bob, I must warn you to use caution. There will be DEMONS aplenty abroad that night, and you must take all precautions to guard your party against their evil. Begin by saying this prayer before you set out to their meeting place:

SPIRITUAL WARFARE PRAYER AGAINST WITCHCRAFT

IN THE NAME OF JESUS CHRIST OF NAZARETH, I COME AGAINST THE PRINCE-RULING SPIRIT AND ALL SPIRIT GUIDES. I COME THROUGH THE BLOOD OF THE LORD JESUS CHRIST, IN THE NAME OF JESUS. I PARALYZE YOU AND SILENCE YOU, FORBIDDING YOU FROM INFLUENCING OR STRENGTHENING THEM (THE WITCH OR WITCHES) IN THE NAME OF JESUS, RIGHT NOW!

WE ARE DESTROYING YOUR VERY WORKS: THE SPIRITS OF HATE, BITTERNESS AND MURDER, SPIRITS OF ENVY AND JEALOUSY, SPIRITS OF WIZARDRY, SORCERY AND ALL YOUR CO-SPIRITS, YOUR WORKS, YOUR POWERS, YOUR INFLUENCES ARE DESTROYED IN THE NAME OF JESUS!

I PARALYZE YOU, ALL, RIGHT NOW. YOU WILL NOT BE ABLE TO USE THIS SOUL ANY LONGER AGAINST THE CHURCH (OR, A PARTICULAR PERSON), IN THE NAME OF JESUS.

I COME AGAINST THE SPIRIT OF BLINDNESS, BINDING THE SPIRITS OF BONDAGE AND HEAVINESS, FEAR AND HATE.

I PRAY, LORD, THAT YOU WILL OPEN THEIR EYES SO THEY CAN SEE THE GLORY OF JESUS. OPEN THEIR HEARTS SO THAT THEY CAN HEAR YOUR VOICE. BREAK THE YOKES IN THEIR LIVES AND GIVE THEM LIBERTY IN THEIR SOULS, THAT THEY MAY BE FREE TO REPENT. SHOW THEM EVERY EVIL WORK AND EVERY EVIL DEED THEY'RE GUILTY OF, AND LORD JESUS, CONVICT THEIR HEARTS UNTO REPENTANCE. BRING THESE SOULS OUT OF DARKNESS; SAVE THESE SOULS SO THAT YOU MAY HAVE THE GLORY.

SATAN, I SILENCE YOU IN THE NAME OF JESUS, BINDING ALL YOUR INTERFERENCE. YOU WILL NOT INTERFERE WITH THESE SOULS AND THEY WILL HAVE THEIR OWN FREE WILL CHOICE SO AS TO MAKE UP THEIR OWN MINDS IF THEY WANT TO REPENT. THEY WILL DO IT WITHOUT YOUR INTERFERENCE.

ALSO, LORD JESUS, I PRAY THAT YOU WILL RELEASE WARRING ANGELS TO WAGE WAR AGAINST THESE DEMONIC ACTIVITIES, AND WILL SEND MINISTERING SPIRITS TO MINISTER TO THEIR SOULS. AMEN!

Here is the actual Deliverance prayer to be prayed over these children (should you decide to do it right then):

LOOSING OF CURSES, SPELLS, ETC. PRAYER

In the name of JESUS CHRIST, I now rebuke, break, and loose __________'s and __________'s children from any and all evil curses, charms, vexes, hexes, spells, jinxes, psychic powers, bewitchments, witchcraft, sorcery, enchantments, chantings, hoodoo, voodoo, candles and incense being burned, that have been put upon them or their family line from any person or from any occult or psychic sources, and I cancel all connected and related spirits and command them to leave them and their family now. I thank you Lord, for setting them free. AMEN!

Godspeed, Brother, in your holy undertaking!

[Brother_Percy]

Re: A nest of Wiccans!

Or would it better to take a direct approach and bust up their little party right then and there?

Brother B,

If you suspect something unlawful is going on, call the Police Department. You may also wish to check the Law in your State, as many States still have certain items of Gothic clothing on their alert list. I know it's a crime in some parts for emos/goths/wiccins to wear spiked dog collars, and spiked wrist bands, as they can be considered highly offensive weapons.

If they are wearing any violent clothing like this, you can have the little punks arrested. And if you tell the Police they were threatening to kill you, and can get a friend to corroberate your story, these filthy animals may even serve some jail time.

Remember, your actions may prevent another Columbine. If these fiends are locked away, they won't be able to shoot-up as many schools. Glory!

[Jacques Anape]

Re: A nest of Wiccans!

Oh puh-lease stop talking about 'battles' and calling in the police because what people are wearing!

These are just a bunch of kids having fun. There is nothing dangerous about them!

Pray that they'll have their fun, and come to know their Creator. And maybe also pray for yourselves, that you will be less uptight, and place your trust in the Lord!

[Ebenezer Wright]

Re: A nest of Wiccans!

So you think we should let children do as they please then sit back and HOPE they come to the Lord?

I disagree!A direct and forceful approach shows determination and shows my level of seriousness. I sit a child down and feed him the Word until I can see that I put the fear of the Lord in him. I am not going to sit back and let my kids play with witchcraft and homo dolls, then later try to pull him into the light! Thats silly!

[Brother Temperance]

Re: A nest of Wiccans!

These are just a bunch of kids having fun. There is nothing dangerous about them!

Have you ever even read the Bible? Do you know what Our Lord has to say about witchcraft?

[snottyduck]

Re: A nest of Wiccans!

Have you ever even read the Bible? Do you know what Our Lord has to say about witchcraft?

Let me put it the other way around, did you ever attend a ceremony of Wiccans??

I had once the opportunity to witness a Wicca ceremony (although I'm not a wiccan but my girlfriend is, so I was allowed to stay if I didn't disturb there ceremony) and I must say that I saw nothing that had anything to do with Satan or any other evil. The demons are all in your head, I suggest Prozac to counter them.

[Brother Temperance]

Re: A nest of Wiccans!

Let me put it the other way around, did you ever attend a ceremony of Wiccans??

2 Corinthians 6:14 Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers: for what fellowship hath righteousness with unrighteousness? and what communion hath light with darkness?
15 And what concord hath Christ with Belial? or what part hath he that believeth with an infidel?
16 And what agreement hath the temple of God with idols? for ye are the temple of the living God; as God hath said, I will dwell in them, and walk in them; and I will be their God, and they shall be my people.
17 Wherefore come out from among them, and be ye separate, saith the Lord, and touch not the unclean thing; and I will receive you.

[Bob4God]

Re: A nest of Wiccans!

Let me put it the other way around, did you ever attend a ceremony of Wiccans??

I had once the opportunity to witness a Wicca ceremony (although I'm not a wiccan but my girlfriend is, so I was allowed to stay if I didn't disturb there ceremony) and I must say that I saw nothing that had anything to do with Satan or any other evil. The demons are all in your head, I suggest Prozac to counter them.

Horrors! What kind of devilish sights did you see? How do they go about their ceremonies? What do they wear? Any sacrifices or sex rituals? Do they equip themselves with weapons? Do they typically carry armor piercing ammo? Explosives or tear gas? Please tell me all you know.

Word is the Wickedians will be having a little 'get together' tomorrow night up in the hills in the thickest woods around. I've recruited an army of six strapping boys to assist me in this, the LORD'S CRUSADE! SHOUT GLORY!

Including me, there will be seven warriors of CHRIST to combat the devil. I feel that the LORD Himself has appointed this sacred number.

We will be packing the following items:

Night vision goggles to observe the devil's minions up-close and personal, in case their fires and black candles aren't bright enough to illuminate their monstrously obese figures. I keep a pair of these babies in my apocalypse survival kit, in case a democrat becomes president and JESUS doesn't rescue us as fast as we are anticipating. (Purely no fault of His if He doesn't.)




My trusty Winchester 30.30, just in case things get more dangerous than just observing these evil little brats.



Super tough rope to restrain any unruly Wiccans that come hurling at us sputtering and screaming the devil's curses.





Camo gear to help us blend in with the bushes and trees. Each of our hunting jackets has our favorite Bible verse embroidered inside, and hidden pockets for extra knives and ammunition, as well as hand-sewn layer of kevlar. We're not anticipating hand to hand combat, but the devil is unpredictable.

And of course, the most important item of all:



PLEASE pray for us all in this mission!

[Justina Thyme]

Re: A nest of Wiccans!

Know that my prayers are with you, Brother Bob. Go with God.

[stealtfc (On Moderation)]

Re: A nest of Wiccans!

sounds like SOMEONE forgot their medication.... What did they tell you about that at the hospital, dear brother?

[SayvedByTheLord]

Re: A nest of Wiccans!

Brother Bob,

Be sure you warn them that the young Wiccan females will be be dancing around naked and they should avert their gaze.

[Bob4God]

Re: A nest of Wiccans!

Brothers and sisters in CHRIST,

I am pleased to report that last night's crusade was a complete success! We didn't manage to actually capture any of the little pagans (you'd be shocked at how fast such fat piles of unsaved trash can scurry!) but we did manage to get some verses shouted out to them.

Here is the complete log of the mission:

23:09 GMT

Arrived on gravel road at the base of Deer Hoof ridge. Gathered the boys in a close circle to petition the LORD for guidance and assistance, and thanked the LORD for each and every wonderful young man in attendance.

23:17 GMT

Finished prayer.

23:18 GMT

Gear check. It appears Joey forgot to pack the rope like he was supposed to, so we will be forced to render any attacking Wiccans immobile by striking them on the head with large sticks which we will pick up along the way. I am confident the LORD will overturn whatever training these pagans have learned in 'World of Warcraft' and deliver them into our hands should things get ugly.

23: 20 GMT

Started up the hills. So far so good. The LORD is great!

23: 25 GMT

Found a large stick which will be my personal Whack-a-Wiccan club! Showed my stick to the boys.

23: 32 GMT

Arrived at the top of the hill. The trees are very thick around here, and there's not a lot of natural light from the stars. Forced to use flashlights to help find the way to the alledged clearing to the west.

23: 35 GMT

John tripped on an unusually large pinecone. The devil is here. I can feel
his presence. I know GOD is stronger, and will not allow him to harm us.

23: 44 GMT

Found the clearing! Ordered all flashlights off, and switched to night vision goggles. I am handing over this log to Ryan so he can record what I see as I'm seeing it.

23: 45 GMT

"Morbidly obese pagan trash spotted at 9 'o clock position. He's a big one! His ears are pierced! Wearing somekind of necklace that is glinting in the
light of nearby candles. He must be the king Wiccan."

23:46 GMT

"There must be a dozen Wiccans here! A lot of females. Perhaps they come here to breed in some kind of unholy pagan-whale-on-pagan-whale sex ritual. Ryan, write that down."

23:47 GMT

"I don't believe it! There's a skinny Wiccan!"

23:48 GMT

Boys couldn't believe there was any such thing as a skinny Wiccan. Traded night vision around to see for themselves. I am resuming the log.

23:50 GMT

They seem to be beginning their satanic rituals! Candles everywhere. Hope the fat guy doesn't back into one.

23: 53 GMT

They're gathering in a circle. What kind of sick cult is this?

23: 55 GMT

They've started uttering some nonsense about 'the lord and lady' and what not. I'll bet their 'lord' is satan himself, and they're calling GOD a lady just to be insulting! DISGUSTING.

23: 56 GMT

I feel that the LORD is urging me to make a move. Breathed quick prayer and have alerted the boys it's time to move in.

23: 57 GMT

Slipped as much ammo into the rifle as it will hold. Whack-a-Wiccan sticks on the ready...

24:08 GMT

Crusade successful! Me and the boys are now standing in the Wiccans clearing, having broken up their party and driven them off. I am shocked they did not attempt to cast spells or summon demons. They just scurried off like mice! They didn't even bother to put out their stupid candles! Fortunately, we managed to get a few Bible verses on witchcraft shouted out to them before they all got away. The boys say the recognized some of the faces in the satanic group and will create a list of names and mailing addresses when we get back.

24:11 GMT

Put out the satanic candles and split them in half. Leaving a box of Chick Tracts and a copy of the KJV1611 in case those sickening god-hating cultists return to the scene of their spiritual crime.

PRAISE GOD!

[Pastor Ezekiel]

Re: A nest of Wiccans!

Praise Jesus!! good work, brother!! Don't forget to have yourselves defumigated before you go to Church on Sunday.

Be sure and give my personal thanks to all the boys who lent a hand. I know your "circle of thanks" will provide an excellent opportunity to spread the warmth of God's love, hand in hand for Christ. GLORY!!