Could This be the Bride for Me?

[BrotherLarry]

Brothers,
Several months ago I placed an ad on Christian Tingle in search of an appropriate bride. The woman above has responded to my ad with the following reply. I am asking you as responsible and faithful men of GOD to give me your opinion as to whether the LORD would bless our union should I choose to respond to her inquiry. Here is what she wrote me:


Praise God! My name is Brucie and I am responding to your handsome photo listed in Christian Tingle. I am 22, 6'3, 198 pounds. I am a born again widow whose husband was killed in the line of duty as a bouncer at a gay bar. God has removed my grief and replaced it with a longing for a man like you. I love to cook, clean, and knit. I can crochet. I sing in the choir of my church (bass) and a member of a local prayer warrior group at Spike (a private Christian club). My goal is to meet someone like you, whose lordship over me would be complete and who would sire many sons for the glory of God's kingdom. You can reach me at (gives phone number).

So, what do you think, men? A prize like this doesn't come along every day, but she is not virginal. Since her husband is dead it would not be adultery, correct? Could this be THE one?

[Mary Etheldreda]

Re: Could This be the Bride for Me?

Um....



6'3 seems awfully tall, don't you think?

[Joanna Lytton-Vasey]

Re: Could This be the Bride for Me?

Well, Sister, I suppose she would probably produce tall sons, like Saul. 1 Samuel 9:2.

Is she related to Mrs. Isaac Peters, I wonder? Because there's a very strong resemblance.

[Leroy Llewelyn]

Re: Could This be the Bride for Me?

Dark eyebrows yet blond hair: it appears that the carpet doesn't match the drapes, in the parlance of our times, good Brother.

I'd pass on this peroxide piranha.


Yours naturally in Christ,
Leroy Llewelyn

Whose adorning let it not be that outward adorning of plaiting the hair, and of wearing of gold, or of putting on of apparel;
1 Peter 3:3

[Ezekiel Bathfire]

Re: Could This be the Bride for Me?

Nevertheless, she ticks a few of the main boxes: 1Tm:2:9: In like manner also, that women adorn themselves in modest apparel, with shamefacedness and sobriety; not with broided hair, or gold, or pearls, or costly array;

However, I would say that it is more a question of bearing your sons: how does she feel about this?

[WilliamJenningsBryan]

Re: Could This be the Bride for Me?

Nevertheless, she ticks a few of the main boxes: 1Tm:2:9: In like manner also, that women adorn themselves in modest apparel, with shamefacedness and sobriety; not with broided hair, or gold, or pearls, or costly array;

However, I would say that it is more a question of bearing your sons: how does she feel about this?

I have some concerns that this one might be incapable of bearing sons and soldiers for Christ. It's hard to explain, but I'd check out that Adam's apple.

This instructional video is all I could find on such short notice, and you have to try and ignore the obnoxious and annoying Millennial twit in the video (these young "science" types think they know everything).

[I Man Rastafari]

Re: Could This be the Bride for Me?

I saw that picture and she looks like a Bulgarian woman to me.

[BrotherLarry]

Re: Could This be the Bride for Me?

Dark eyebrows yet blond hair: it appears that the carpet doesn't match the drapes, in the parlance of our times, good Brother.

I'd pass on this peroxide piranha.


Yours naturally in Christ,
Leroy Llewelyn

Whose adorning let it not be that outward adorning of plaiting the hair, and of wearing of gold, or of putting on of apparel;
1 Peter 3:3

Leroy, My bro, my man, my bud:


Even though your ordination remains a puzzlement to me, I do value your input. While "piranha" seems a bit extreme, I am beginning to wonder about whether she is the one for me. She did send additional photos. One was before she decolorized her hair. The other is her as a young girl. Her beauty is apparent, but there is just something about this situation that doesn't mesh with my spirit. Pray for me, bro', since I desire companionship very strongly. Hey, let's you and me go camping.

[BrotherLarry]

Re: Could This be the Bride for Me?

Well, no need for further advice. I've decided this one isn't for me. Nope, I am sure another will be made available to me one day.


Perhaps a young widow.


I mean, not anyone in particular. Just a young widow with a couple of sons already. Or someone else that the Lord deems suitable.


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