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  • Happy smitings!

    Howdy my sheep! 'Sup? Lousy, eh!Jesus H. Chri Me. H. Me!! My Dad took His second bet with Satan. You remember the one with Job. He got boils and his useless family perished but he stood strong in the Lord. Of course, he is now in Hell as he didn't accept ME as his personal Savior!

    In January 2020, we were busy watching the final season of GoT (again), when Dad took another bet. Satan was free to invent anything he wanted to smite the sinners and test my sheep. Lame as he is, he only came up with the Corona virus that is now reaping you as if it was another Flood!

    Y'see! Me and My Dad are not very pleased with the shape of things. Everywhere we look, there's gay porn (GoT), sodomy (Rice and Sky Walkers) and uppity women (GoT, Rice and Sky Walkers). And science education (Sky Walker). And the Pope (sodomy) & Madonna (more sodomy) & Netflix & My Little Pony and Gamers... And the tithes are diminishing. It was time to do some smiting!

    I know which one of you will perish, which one will linger in unimaginable PAIN, which one will emerge alive but damaged. I know who will gain a pass unto by manly bosom in Heaven and who's gonna fall into the Pit.



    You may even Pray for anything and I might or might not answer. This is all your doing. It's your own fault. Now pray to sustain Me. And keep 'em tithes coming to my good friend Pastor Zeke!
    Blessed is Me.

  • #2
    Re: Happy smitings!

    Originally posted by Jesus View Post
    will gain a pass unto by manly bosom in Heaven


    Before I consent to doing this with you Jesus, I politely will ask, please shower first. My sinuses disagree with most anti-perspirants. I think we need to have a heart-to-heart over the corona, boils and other maladies you passed unto me in the recent while. Open communication is the best discourse in these situations, and it's time I had a chance to tell you how I feel about this treatment. Prayer is earned Jesus, not taken for granted. I'm not telling you this out of disrespect, only, I want to save our relationship, and my soul as an extra bonus.

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    • #3
      Re: Happy smitings!

      Originally posted by Jesus View Post
      Howdy my sheep! 'Sup?


      My blood gets pretty riled up hearing this urban speak.

      Comment


      • #4
        Re: Happy smitings!

        Hello Jesus. Thank you for hearing my prayer last night despite what I was wearing. It was half-past-3 in the morning after all. You wrote:

        Originally posted by Jesus View Post
        And science education (Sky Walker)
        Vlad Sitnikov, a Russian, has come up with a new idea definitely not based on the science mentioned in Daniel 1:4 and hoped to be operational sometime next year. It seems he wants to float lights across the firmament promoting various activities or products in return for money. Probably he uses magnets or something.
        Code:
        Welcome to Moscow State University … Today, the emphasis is on advancing the applied science: new materials, genetics, biomedicine, pharmaceutics, cognitive sciences, ecology, and information technologies. We work hard to preserve our heritage and develop our traditions of a comprehensive approach to higher education and science.
        I gather he has a degree in whatever passes for religious studies at Moscow State University. Reference appended. Would this be a case of science falsely so called I Timothy 6:20? Please can I have a new keyboard for my computer.

        Thank you for reading my post,

        Mitza.

        ____________

        Here is the reference: https://iaaworldcongress.org/en/speakers/42#

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        • #5
          Re: Happy smitings!

          Originally posted by MitzaLizalor View Post
          Would this be a case of science falsely so called I Timothy 6:20?
          Maybe.
          Blessed is Me.

          Comment


          • #6
            Re: Happy smitings!

            Originally posted by upchucker67 View Post
            My blood gets pretty riled up hearing this urban speak.
            No-one cares. I don't.
            Blessed is Me.

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            • #7
              Re: Happy smitings!

              Originally posted by Jesus View Post
              No-one cares. I don't.

              Comment


              • #8
                Re: Happy smitings!

                Originally posted by upchucker67 View Post
                Dear Mr. Hucker: Think of that rebuke from the as an indicator of things to come for you: eternity in , if you do not repent!

                And, I can't help but notice that you have managed to gain yet another not-shiny medal to add to your growing list of awards! Really, Dear, why not use your time productively, and make a serious attempt at that writing project that has been suggested so kindly for you? It's for your own good, you know, and you will be thanking me for this on some fine Day of Judgment -- IF you .
                Last edited by Isabella White; 07-05-2021, 06:11 PM.
                (Mrs.) Isabella White

                Hebrews 10:19 "Having therefore, brethren, boldness to enter into the holiest by the Blood of Jesus"

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                • #9
                  Re: Happy smitings!

                  Originally posted by Isabella White View Post
                  And, I can't help but notice that you have managed to gain yet another not-shiny medal to add to your growing list of awards!
                  Yes, and I was told it was due to a very understandable toilet paper shortage. I'm afraid the award is somewhat accurate, I do get the touch of the Argentinian at the World Cup, as we all do often.

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Re: Happy smitings!

                    Originally posted by Jesus View Post
                    Howdy my sheep! 'Sup? Lousy, eh!Jesus H. Chri Me. H. Me!! My Dad took His second bet with Satan. You remember the one with Job. He got boils and his useless family perished but he stood strong in the Lord. Of course, he is now in Hell as he didn't accept ME as his personal Savior!
                    It is so great to hear from You again dear Lord! I love getting this inside look into the wisdom that goes into Your decision making process. Others will have to settle for "the Lord works in mysterious ways" but here on Landover Baptist we get the inside scoop.




                    I want to let you know, that even though I've tested positive, it won't stop me from continuing to spread the good news! Thank you for your protection shield from symptoms. Even if you decide to test me by lifting your protection and I suffer unimaginable pain like Job, I won't make the same mistake he did by not accepting You as my personal savoir.


                    Originally posted by Jesus View Post
                    Satan was free to invent anything he wanted to smite the sinners and test my sheep. Lame as he is, he only came up with the Corona virus that is now reaping you as if it was another Flood!

                    Satan has certainly caused a lot of suffering, but he's no You. That's for sure. There are still a few people daring to venture outside and socialize https://www.bbc.com/news/av/world-us...te-coronavirus When You personally do a smiting everyone will be afraid to leave their homes (except those under Your loving protection).
                    Close minded people are just right people who don't want to spend time arguing.

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Re: Happy smitings!

                      Originally posted by Prayer Warrior View Post
                      Originally posted by Jesus View Post
                      Satan was free to invent anything he wanted to smite the sinners and test my sheep. Lame as he is, he only came up with the Corona virus that is now reaping you as if it was another Flood!
                      Satan has certainly caused a lot of suffering, but he's no You. That's for sure. There are still a few people daring to venture outside and socialize https://www.bbc.com/news/av/world-us...te-coronavirus When You personally do a smiting everyone will be afraid to leave their homes (except those under Your loving protection).


                      A new "unknown pneumonia" that is potentially deadlier than the novel coronavirus has reportedly killed more than 1,700 people this year in the Central Asian country of Kazakhstan, according to a warning issued by Chinese officials Thursday.

                      The disease has killed 1,772 people this year, some of whom were Chinese citizens, according to the embassy. 628 of those deaths took place in June alone. "This disease is much deadlier than Covid-19," said the statement.
                      I could use some clarification from a spiritual expert on this, but my speculation is we may be in the "double or nothing" territory of our bet.

                      After taking out Job's family, livestock and possessions Satan realized Job wasn't losing his faith anytime soon, and upped the stakes and proposed he go after Job's health. Job 2:1-6

                      Similarly, the current disease may not have had the desired effect for Satan, and Satan realized how lame his curse was. We still have people not wearing masks, we still have some people going to church ( https://www.latimes.com/world-nation...virus-outbreak )

                      So I speculate Satan, lacking in originality to come up with an entirely new curse went back to God and said "Okay, let's up the stakes. What if I make a more powerful disease? Then surely these people will curse you"
                      Close minded people are just right people who don't want to spend time arguing.

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        Re: Happy smitings!

                        Originally posted by Jesus View Post
                        Maybe.


                        Thank you for my new keyboard and mouse. And cables & connectors. I'll try to dedicate what's transmitted through my speaker system, 360˚ surround sound, to serve You and promote Your message in whatever way You choose to communicate Your judgements.


                        Originally posted by MitzaLizalor View Post
                        Please can I have a new keyboard for my computer.

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