[BelieverInGod]

Re: Hello from a former shemale

I used to know a "shemale". She ended up with my ex-boyfriend. I'm happy to know that according to the nice people here he will roast in Hell.

Become a True Christian(TM) and you will get to watch him burn...

Think about it.

http://www.landoverbaptist.net/showthread.php?t=31525

[Lillith The Whore]

Re: Hello from a former shemale

I used to know a "shemale". She ended up with my ex-boyfriend. I'm happy to know that according to the nice people here he will roast in Hell.

[ExShemaleBarbi]

Re: Hello from a former shemale

Barbi, which I certainly doubt is your given Christian name, you need to stop with the shenanigans and get down to curing yourself of your sodomania. No more questions about masturbation, no more mentioning false gods or idols, and no more sordid stories from your past.

My own past is quite shocking as you may have read. Most Ex-Gays© like myself have similar stories. Gay scat orgies, golden shower tub parties, drug fueled twink gang bangs, and Democratic party fundraisers. Yes, I used to lead a life of total depravity, but now I am cured! My heterosexuality was a hard one prize, I was down on my knees in front of Pastor after Pastor, and I was ministered to by the best there are! Praise!

But my first step was to give my soul to Jesus. I quit being a mincing size queen power bottom cold turkey. And then came the aversion therapy of course, but at the heart of my cure there was always the enormous white hot love of Jesus filling the empty hole that I had tried so desperately to fill for all those years with the penises of thousands of random homos.

You have made the first step Barbi, you came to Landover. But now you must take the next step and let the love of Jesus fill your hole, as He filled mine! Glory!

Glory be! Democratic fundraisers? There is hope for me as I have never sunk that low. Yes I can now see that white hot love of Jesus!

I promise I will get rid of the alter and oils and get serious. I will even stop going to catholic mass daily for the wine and cracker. It means no breakfast but I will do it!

[Professor Bessemer]

Re: Hello from a former shemale

Thanks Professor

Phew, that is a load of my soul. I do have a tens unit with various unspeakable attatchments I could donate to the cause. It can cause incredible agony and as we all know pain brings us closer to Jesus. Praise be to Jesus!!!!!

Barbi, which I certainly doubt is your given Christian name, you need to stop with the shenanigans and get down to curing yourself of your sodomania. No more questions about masturbation, no more mentioning false gods or idols, and no more sordid stories from your past.

My own past is quite shocking as you may have read. Most Ex-Gays© like myself have similar stories. Gay scat orgies, golden shower tub parties, drug fueled twink gang bangs, and Democratic party fundraisers. Yes, I used to lead a life of total depravity, but now I am cured! My heterosexuality was a hard one prize, I was down on my knees in front of Pastor after Pastor, and I was ministered to by the best there are! Praise!

But my first step was to give my soul to Jesus. I quit being a filthy, mincing, size queen power bottom cold turkey. And then came the aversion therapy of course, but at the heart of my cure there was always the enormous white hot love of Jesus filling the empty hole that I had tried so desperately to fill for all those years with the penises of thousands of random homos.

You have made the first step Barbi, you came to Landover. But now you must take the next step and let the love of Jesus fill your hole, as He filled mine! Glory!

[ExShemaleBarbi]

Re: Hello from a former shemale

You will have to pardon Brother James. He managed to grab a laptop from an orderly and he has barricaded himself in a supply room full of narcotics. His demons are strong. But fear not, we have teams of Prayer Warriors© praying in shifts and as soon as we can cut through the door, I think it is time to up the ante and start the electro-waterboard therapy.

Thanks Professor

Phew, that is a load of my soul. I do have a tens unit with various unspeakable attatchments I could donate to the cause. It can cause incredible agony and as we all know pain brings us closer to Jesus. Praise be to Jesus!!!!!

[Professor Bessemer]

Re: Hello from a former shemale

Thank you Jesus, I feel oh so much better about my own situation. Shemale, lesbo, whore, that's 3 strikes against Jesus. I think you are out of luck.

You will have to pardon Brother James. He managed to grab a laptop from an orderly and he has barricaded himself in a supply room full of narcotics. His demons are strong. But fear not, we have teams of Prayer Warriors(c) praying in shifts and as soon as we can cut through the door, I think it is time to up the ante and start the electro-waterboard therapy.

[ExShemaleBarbi]

Re: Hello from a former shemale

As a graduate and part-time counselor with the Ex-Gay© program, I can assure you that your therapists will not backslide into perversion. As blood-bought sons of the Lamb, we are rendered incapable of sin.

I John 3:6-9
Whosoever abideth in him sinneth not: whosoever sinneth hath not seen him, neither known him.
Little children, let no man deceive you: he that doeth righteousness is righteous, even as he is righteous.
He that committeth sin is of the devil; for the devil sinneth from the beginning. For this purpose the Son of God was manifested, that he might destroy the works of the devil.
Whosoever is born of God doth not commit sin; for his seed remaineth in him: and he cannot sin, because he is born of God.

Further, we realize that when working with sodomites that we are wading into the proverbial viper's nest in order to wage Spiritual Warfare. Thus, we spend hours in prayer before meeting with you, encasing ourselves in the full Armor of God.

Ephesians 6:10-11
Finally, my brethren, be strong in the Lord, and in the power of his might.
Put on the whole armour of God, that ye may be able to stand against the wiles of the devil.

We then proceed to hack your depravity to pieces, using among our arsenal the mightiest of weapons - the Word of God. The Pastors, counselors, and therapists who would be attending to your cure and eventual Salvation™ are highly trained, special-ops Spiritual Commandos.

Hebrews 4:12
For the word of God is quick, and powerful, and sharper than any twoedged sword, piercing even to the dividing asunder of soul and spirit, and of the joints and marrow, and is a discerner of the thoughts and intents of the heart.

So tell us ... thing .... Are you prepared to accept Jesus Christ as your personal LORD and Savior?

I am willing as long as I can still remain a follower of J.R. Bob Dobbs. If I accept Jesus I assume I can still wear leather and masturbate seven times a day to photos of Baal?

[James Dewitt]

Re: Hello from a former shemale

Thank you Jesus, I feel oh so much better about my own situation. Shemale, lesbo, whore, that's 3 strikes against Jesus. I think you are out of luck.

[Jedediah]

Re: Hello from a former shemale

Can I be saved Rev. Osborne? I am not sure about an Ex-gay program. I fear even skight exposure to me would have them back working at the hair salon and saying things are simply fab darling.

As a graduate and part-time counselor with the Ex-Gay(c) program, I can assure you that your therapists will not backslide into perversion. As blood-bought sons of the Lamb, we are rendered incapable of sin.

I John 3:6-9
Whosoever abideth in him sinneth not: whosoever sinneth hath not seen him, neither known him.
Little children, let no man deceive you: he that doeth righteousness is righteous, even as he is righteous.
He that committeth sin is of the devil; for the devil sinneth from the beginning. For this purpose the Son of God was manifested, that he might destroy the works of the devil.
Whosoever is born of God doth not commit sin; for his seed remaineth in him: and he cannot sin, because he is born of God.

Further, we realize that when working with sodomites that we are wading into the proverbial viper's nest in order to wage Spiritual Warfare. Thus, we spend hours in prayer before meeting with you, encasing ourselves in the full Armor of God.

Ephesians 6:10-11
Finally, my brethren, be strong in the Lord, and in the power of his might.
Put on the whole armour of God, that ye may be able to stand against the wiles of the devil.

We then proceed to hack your depravity to pieces, using among our arsenal the mightiest of weapons - the Word of God. The Pastors, counselors, and therapists who would be attending to your cure and eventual Salvation(tm) are highly trained, special-ops Spiritual Commandos.

Hebrews 4:12
For the word of God is quick, and powerful, and sharper than any twoedged sword, piercing even to the dividing asunder of soul and spirit, and of the joints and marrow, and is a discerner of the thoughts and intents of the heart.

So tell us ... thing .... Are you prepared to accept Jesus Christ as your personal LORD and Savior?

[ExShemaleBarbi]

Re: Hello from a former shemale

Was the midget on a tricycle and wearing a gimp suit at the time?

How did you know that? That was at the after party and the cameras were turned off. Why were you spying on us?

[Didymus Much]

Re: Hello from a former shemale

...Is yelling out, "Oh holy ghost, I am cumming" during sex with a midget blasphemy?...

Was the midget on a tricycle and wearing a gimp suit at the time?

[ExShemaleBarbi]

Re: Hello from a former shemale

Dear umm.... sir/madam?,

Now, I've never been through the full Ex-Gay program (I took a couple of refresher courses, the pastors here decided that's all I needed), but I am a proud graduate of Landover's Ex-Slut™ program, and let me tell you, those programs work wonders!

When I entered the Ex-Slut™ program, I'll admit I had my doubts. There was always the nagging feeling that I'd slip up, fall prey to my addiction to tallywhackers and be back on the streets, soliciting strangers for their seed.

I was so nervous showing up for the first course! Would they really understand what I was going through? What if they thought I was unable to be Saved©? Would I be able to keep from launching myself at the instructor and groveling piteously for their seed? All of these thoughts and more raced through my head as I waited the long minutes for the session to begin.

Soon, though, my fears were put to rest. My instructor was Landover's own Rev. Jim, and as soon as I saw his Godly countenance, I knew for the first time in my life I'd be able to control my fleshly lustings. I'll remember his succinct explanation of my plight for the rest of my life, that's how much he touched me. He explained to me that I was a woman with a hole in her life, an insatiable hole that I'd been vainly trying to fill with worldly yearnings and male members. However, there was only one thing that would be able to fill that hole; the love of Jesus!

Tears welled up in my eyes as I dropped to my knees and let the Holy Spirit enter me. It was such an amazing experience, and I have no doubt that, with some hard work and genuine repentance on your end, you too will be able to know just how great it feels when the Holy Spirit enters you!*

Your's In Him,

Lycia

*Unless you've blasphemed against the Holy Spirit, in which case it isn't coming anywhere near you. Sorry.

Thank you Lycia

I may also need the ex slut program. I was also a former prostitute. Despite only being attracted to females I had sex with males for money and in pornography.
Is yelling out, "Oh holy ghost, I am cumming" during sex with a midget blasphemy?

Thank you
Barbi

[Lycia The Repentant]

Re: Hello from a former shemale

Can I be saved Rev. Osborne? I am not sure about an Ex-gay program. I fear even skight exposure to me would have them back working at the hair salon and saying things are simply fab darling.

Dear umm.... sir/madam?,

Now, I've never been through the full Ex-Gay program (I took a couple of refresher courses, the pastors here decided that's all I needed), but I am a proud graduate of Landover's Ex-Slut™ program, and let me tell you, those programs work wonders!

When I entered the Ex-Slut™ program, I'll admit I had my doubts. There was always the nagging feeling that I'd slip up, fall prey to my addiction to tallywhackers and be back on the streets, soliciting strangers for their seed.

I was so nervous showing up for the first course! Would they really understand what I was going through? What if they thought I was unable to be Saved©? Would I be able to keep from launching myself at the instructor and groveling piteously for their seed? All of these thoughts and more raced through my head as I waited the long minutes for the session to begin.

Soon, though, my fears were put to rest. My instructor was Landover's own Rev. Jim, and as soon as I saw his Godly countenance, I knew for the first time in my life I'd be able to control my fleshly lustings. I'll remember his succinct explanation of my plight for the rest of my life, that's how much he touched me. He explained to me that I was a woman with a hole in her life, an insatiable hole that I'd been vainly trying to fill with worldly yearnings and male members. However, there was only one thing that would be able to fill that hole; the love of Jesus!

Tears welled up in my eyes as I dropped to my knees and let the Holy Spirit enter me. It was such an amazing experience, and I have no doubt that, with some hard work and genuine repentance on your end, you too will be able to know just how great it feels when the Holy Spirit enters you!*

Your's In Him,

Lycia

*Unless you've blasphemed against the Holy Spirit, in which case it isn't coming anywhere near you. Sorry.

[ExShemaleBarbi]

Re: Hello from a former shemale

I think everyone would consider me the expert on shemales around here. Now, no matter how you slice it, having sex with a shemale is gay sex whether you're male or female. If a man has sex with a shemale, he's really having sex with a man. If a woman has sex with a shemale, she's having lesbian sex because the shemale is now a woman. So, you can't win. Everybody you invited into your stained bed was dragged down to Hell with you.

Have you considered looking into an ex-gay program? They'll have you wearing flannel shirts and drinking beers with a bunch of guys over a football game in no time.

Can I be saved Rev. Osborne? I am not sure about an Ex-gay program. I fear even skight exposure to me would have them back working at the hair salon and saying things are simply fab darling.

[Zechariah Smyth]

Re: Hello from a former shemale

"Shemale".... I can't understand how you can identify yourself with such a degrading term.

*two sentences later*

You can say I am transgender

Comedy gold!



YiC,

Z. Smyth