New Form Letter for Introductory Posts

[Faith_Machine]

Re: New Form Letter for Introductory Posts

Here's an odd glitch:

The second time the word "mormon" appears in that form letter, that is actually a typo. It was supposed to read, "moron," which is why I did not capitalize it. I have tried to edit my typo, yet the original "mormon" keeps showing up, except when I view the mobile version of this site on my phone.


I've edited the typo more than once, but every time I try to change it to "moron," it keeps changing back to "mormon."

Perhaps God is telling us something!

[Faith_Machine]

Re: New Form Letter for Introductory Posts

Thank you my friends, I am humbled by your responses! All credit belongs to God, however.

[Nathan B. Forrest]

Re: New Form Letter for Introductory Posts

Well done, F Machine.

At least now I'll know what format to expect when the hippies, queers, and catlicks come by to annoy us - this will make it much easier to enter their info into the Database of the Unsaved™.


~Nate

[BelieverInGod]

Re: New Form Letter for Introductory Posts

Sister Big, Do you really think this is fair, taking old stories from BOOKS [books can be a repository for information, is very portable and has no need for any batteries to be charged. It has pages in it that you actually have to touch] that most troll types have no knowledge of. Sister do you think that a level playing field?

No, you're probably right. Even the liebrals that can read, re-write all of the decent stories so it has a liebral slant.

[Benedict A. Davis]

Re: New Form Letter for Introductory Posts

I was thinking back to that old fairy tale about the Billy Goats Gruff. I keep a couple of goats because the milk is good for the dogs. I actually find if you can get hold of the OLD Grimm's Fairy Tales (not the liebral rewrites) there are a lot of good cautionary tales in them.

And according to the old tales, goats have a taste for troll-meat.

Sister Big, Do you really think this is fair, taking old stories from BOOKS [books can be a repository for information, is very portable and has no need for any batteries to be charged. It has pages in it that you actually have to touch] that most troll types have no knowledge of. Sister do you think that a level playing field?

[BelieverInGod]

Re: New Form Letter for Introductory Posts

I was frightened by the animal pic you posted. That one with the big ears looks like it could give a good bite!

I was thinking back to that old fairy tale about the Billy Goats Gruff. I keep a couple of goats because the milk is good for the dogs. I actually find if you can get hold of the OLD Grimm's Fairy Tales (not the liebral rewrites) there are a lot of good cautionary tales in them.

And according to the old tales, goats have a taste for troll-meat.

[Ezekiel Bathfire]

Re: New Form Letter for Introductory Posts

Faith Machine,
I have bookmarked the page and will refer troll, atheists, homers. lezbean and catlix directly.

It may concentrate their mind (if they have one)

[Faith_Machine]

Re: New Form Letter for Introductory Posts

I was frightened by the animal pic you posted. That one with the big ears looks like it could give a good bite!

[BelieverInGod]

Re: New Form Letter for Introductory Posts

Did I leave anything out? I think I've pretty much got their script down pat.

Oh it's 100% accurate, it's just amazing that they all show up here thinking they're going to shock us with their claims, yet it's the same tired old script we see 50+ times a day.

It also seems to get worse around Christmas, Easter, and summer holidays, if that gives you an idea of the average age of the trolls.

I was just trying to be funny (dry humor doesn't always translate well on the internet).

[Faith_Machine]

Re: New Form Letter for Introductory Posts

Did I leave anything out? I think I've pretty much got their script down pat.

[BelieverInGod]

Re: New Form Letter for Introductory Posts

Did you find this under a bridge somewhere? I didn't realize trolls were this organized.

Perhaps instead of personal protection dogs, I should start breeding troll protection animals.

[Faith_Machine]

This is not directed at those of you who have come here with a sincere desire to fellowship with Christians and seek answers to Biblical questions. This is for those of you who think it's funny to come here and try to get a rise out of us.

Just to make your lives easier, here is a form letter you can fill out. Simply fill in the blanks, put a check mark next to the appropriate options, and you'll have your introductory troll post all squared away:


_Hello,
_Namaste,
_Blessed Be,
_Word Up,
_Orale Vato,
_Greetings,

My name is __________ and I am a

_false Christian
_Buddhist
_Wiccan
_Satanist
_"Free Thinker"
_Unitarian
_Mormon
_moron
_idolator
_homosexual
_drug addict
_hippie
_Lutheran
_European
_"1337 haxxor"
_Methodist
_Feminazi

(check all that apply)

_I attend _____________ (enter name of non-existent Church)
_I attend _____________ (enter name of church you found in the Yellow Pages)
_I do not belong to any church or believe in organized religion.
_The Earth and the trees are my church.


_My favorite Bible verse is ____________________________________ (Copy and paste random verse from NIV Life Application Study Bible)

_I have ___ children.

I am

_unmarried.
_married to a man.
_married to a woman.
_married to a toaster.
_married to several men.
_married to several women.
_married to several men and women.
_married to several men, women, and toasters.

(check all that apply)

I am here to

_waste your time.
_amuse myself.
_lie to you.
_use circumlocution to obfuscate the fact that I am a moral relativist.
_use misinterpretations of scripture to create the false impression of the Bible contradicting itself.
_horrify you.
_flaunt my gay "lifestyle."
_lead you astray.
_flame you.
_make you feel sorry for me.
_get you all worked up.
_send my unsolicited "dick pics" to Forum Members or True Christians with whom I'd like to have "cyber-sex."

(check all that apply)

When my initial post doesn't get the reaction I was hoping for, I will

_take things up a notch.
_play dumb.
_drop my thin veneer of civility.
_act like a baby.
_copy and paste meaningless garbage from Wikipedia.
_copy and paste meaningless garbage from "scientific" publications.
_get on my high horse.
_say I feel sorry for all of you.
_accuse you of being racists.
_accuse you of being homophobic.
_accuse you of being xenophobic.
_decry your blatant misogyny.
_insist that I understand the Bible better than you.

(check all that apply)


Well there you have it, new trolls. I suppose with all the time this form has saved you, you'll be able to spend more time doing the things that really matter to you, like getting high, downloading pornography, and listening to NPR.

YOU'RE WELCOME!