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  • #1

    Good Day

    Hello, brothers and sisters in Christ.

    My name is Marvin and I am here to seek help.

    I have four male children, all with blonde hair and blue eyes
    My favorite gun is the .50cal Desert Eagle because when you shoot a communist in the head, there is nothing left.

    The help I need is this:

    Wherever I look, there is fornication. Male humans fornicating with female humans. Dogs fornicating with each other; my lawn spreading its seed everywhere, and I even saw two flies fornicating on my window sill!!!

    What can I do about this!! I've thought about removing my eyes, but I can't find a doctor to do this for me, it's too expensive!!!!!!!

    Please help save my filthy soul!!

    Thank you kindly,

    Marvin
    Tags: None
  • #2
    Re: Good Day

    Originally posted by LoveHealsAll View Post
    Wherever I look, there is fornication.
    Did you consider moving to a different neighborhood?


    Jesus loves you seriously bigtime. He’d hug you until your eyeballs exploded out of your skull if he ever met you. He’d windsurf across oceans of dead Nazis which he personally slaughtered just to tell you that your new haircut is the bee’s knees. Jesus is like the monster truck of love and you are an old Geo Metro which he will roar his massive engine over and crush your pathetic fiberglass frame into a crumpled heap. Praise Jesus, especially when it’s sunny outside because Jesus would totally be cool with you praising while you get a nice tan.

    - Ecclesiastes xii.7

    Comment

    • #3
      Re: Good Day

      Originally posted by Dutch Girl View Post
      Did you consider moving to a different neighborhood?
      Yes! I've moved three times in the past two years!

      They have it all over! Books, magazines, TV (I sold mine and got rid of cable). The only thing I have now is my internet! I've bought 4 different programs to block things like pornography and turned my parental controls on the highest settings. So far, it's worked. Not one dirty image!

      Comment

      • #4
        Re: Good Day

        Originally posted by LoveHealsAll View Post
        Not one dirty image!
        That sounds very boring. What do you do for fun?


        Jesus loves you seriously bigtime. He’d hug you until your eyeballs exploded out of your skull if he ever met you. He’d windsurf across oceans of dead Nazis which he personally slaughtered just to tell you that your new haircut is the bee’s knees. Jesus is like the monster truck of love and you are an old Geo Metro which he will roar his massive engine over and crush your pathetic fiberglass frame into a crumpled heap. Praise Jesus, especially when it’s sunny outside because Jesus would totally be cool with you praising while you get a nice tan.

        - Ecclesiastes xii.7

        Comment

        • #5
          Re: Good Day

          Originally posted by Dutch Girl View Post
          That sounds very boring. What do you do for fun?
          Well most days while the kids are home doing their home schooling, I sit in my rocker on the porch and whittle. I make and sell beating paddles for when your kids step out of line, like cussing.

          The other day, my oldest said 'cr*p' so I took 'em inside and gave him a whuppin to remember.

          I've sold a few dozen now, they go pretty fast once they're done.

          Comment

          • #6
            Re: Good Day

            You do realize animals and grass aren't held to the same standards we are, right? They don't have souls. So it's okay for dogs to fornicate and grass to make seeds and bees to get busy with flowers and whatnot. Don't trouble yourself with them. Trouble yourself with your neighbors and their unGodly activities. Now that you don't have to worry about your grass, I'm sure your neighbors will appreciate the extra attention you can now devote to their personal lives.

            You're welcome, I'm always happy to help.

            Comment

            • #7
              Re: Good Day

              Originally posted by Brother Enoch View Post
              You do realize animals and grass aren't held to the same standards we are, right? They don't have souls. So it's okay for dogs to fornicate and grass to make seeds and bees to get busy with flowers and whatnot. Don't trouble yourself with them. Trouble yourself with your neighbors and their unGodly activities. Now that you don't have to worry about your grass, I'm sure your neighbors will appreciate the extra attention you can now devote to their personal lives.

              You're welcome, I'm always happy to help.
              Well thank you very much Brother

              Them pesky neighbors are always making all kinds of noise in the wee hours of the morning. And they live a quarter mile away!
              Three times I've moved, and three times I get these noisy neighbors on either side of me! No wonder they got 12 kids runnin around making all kinds of hootin n hollerin all day long. How's a man supposed to sit in his rocker and whittle with all that going on?

              Comment

              • #8
                Re: Good Day

                Originally posted by LoveHealsAll View Post
                Well thank you very much Brother

                Them pesky neighbors are always making all kinds of noise in the wee hours of the morning. And they live a quarter mile away!
                Three times I've moved, and three times I get these noisy neighbors on either side of me! No wonder they got 12 kids runnin around making all kinds of hootin n hollerin all day long. How's a man supposed to sit in his rocker and whittle with all that going on?
                12 kids? They sound like Godly neighbors indeed!!

                Or are they negroidals squirting them out for the welfare check?

                Comment

                • #9
                  Re: Good Day

                  Originally posted by Brother Enoch View Post
                  12 kids? They sound like Godly neighbors indeed!!

                  Or are they negroidals squirting them out for the welfare check?
                  They're from Mexico. The ones with all the kids, the wife is one of them fat ones with the scooter to get around. My wife tells me she gets them checks for being disabled and stuff. How can she be disabled and unable to work an honest wage when she can make all that noise every night!

                  Comment

                  • #10
                    Re: Good Day

                    I see here that I'm 'under investigation'. You better not be sendin folks out to my land cause I keep the shotgun next to me. I don't like people showin up uninvited and such while I'm whittling my paddles. Too many distractions. Got them kids runnin around and such already.

                    Comment

                    • #11
                      Re: Good Day

                      Hang on there, friend, I just noticed you're from Canada. Explain that please. What keep you in that frigid Hellhole?

                      And you say your neighbors are spics? In Canada? I thought the climate up there killed spics in minutes and it was the Eskimos who were overpopulating the place up there.

                      And how did you get a gun in Canada?

                      Comment

                      • #12
                        Re: Good Day

                        You will mind your tongue when addressing your betters.
                        My papa taught me better than that, Mr. Jedediah. I'm very sorry for my misgiving, and as you said I am a piece of unsaved trash making demands when I ain't got the right to do so.

                        I aim to make this right, so if you'd like I'll come down to wherever you are and you can give me a whoopin with my best paddle. I got the rubber grip on that one, it ain't goin nowhere. I put the brass tacks on it too when the kids are real bad. I tell em: "You best not be cryin when I'm wackin ya with the paddle boy". Thing is, they cry even harder. So I end up puttin the fine piece of scrap metal on the end; lets ya swing it a bit harder you see.

                        Oh dang nabbit there I go on one of my rants again. Anywho I hope this apology is enough, I am very sorry for speakin out of turn like that. My papa always told me not to make demands of folks when you're in their house.

                        Comment

                        • #13
                          Re: Good Day

                          A cautious hello to you, Marvin.

                          What is your favorite Bible verse, and what about it appeals to you? No wrong answers (they're all good!), I just want to get to know you better.



                          Yours in Christ,

                          Z. Smyth
                          sigpic

                          Comment

                          • #14
                            Re: Good Day

                            Originally posted by Brother Enoch View Post
                            Hang on there, friend, I just noticed you're from Canada. Explain that please. What keep you in that frigid Hellhole?

                            And you say your neighbors are spics? In Canada? I thought the climate up there killed spics in minutes and it was the Eskimos who were overpopulating the place up there.

                            And how did you get a gun in Canada?
                            Don't be fooled by the cold, we got spics and negros and them yeller ones all over the place. Our necks are just as red up here as they are in the great south of the United States. We work hard and spit twice as hard as we work as my papa said.
                            Anywho you can get them guns up here for hunting. If you got that sport shooting license n stuff you can use a handgun at the range. I practice shooting pictures of communists and terrorists and such. Watermelons are fun too.

                            You ever shot a deer clean through the head with a 12ga? There ain't much left but for the brains all over. My hunting buddies said shoot at the neck, but my son loves to yell 'BOOM HEADSHOT' all the time. No idea where he got it from though.

                            Comment

                            • #15
                              Re: Good Day

                              Originally posted by Zechariah Smyth View Post
                              A cautious hello to you, Marvin.

                              What is your favorite Bible verse, and what about it appeals to you? No wrong answers (they're all good!), I just want to get to know you better.



                              Yours in Christ,

                              Z. Smyth
                              My favorite Bible verse? Lets see here..It's going to have to be Exodus 21:2.

                              "If thou buy an Hebrew servant, six years he shall serve : and in the seventh he shall go out free for nothing."

                              Means to me back in the day slaves were good for 6 years before you had to buy another. Unless you got one of them negro ones, they're good for a lot longer.

                              Comment

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