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  • #16
    Re: Hello everyone!

    Originally posted by Pastor Ezekiel View Post
    I'm used to it, Brother BaBs. Just because I have been blessed with the same blond hair and blue eyes as Jesus, and just because I have a set of rock hard abs and a body that doesn't quit, it doesn't follow that I want to commit sodomy with this Sonseed loser.

    I've heard it said that some queers have actually set up websites scattered across the internets dedicated to the worship of my body, in the vain hope of turning me queer so they could pass me around like a sextoy and commit sodomy on me.
    The Holy Spirit truly does give you strength, Pastor. I can't begin to imagine what it must be like to be the subject of such depravity. The things these perverts dream of!
    sigpic
    Isaiah 34:6 The sword of the LORD is filled with blood, it is made fat with fatness, and with the blood of lambs and goats, with the fat of the kidneys of rams: for the LORD hath a sacrifice in Bozrah, and a great slaughter in the land of Idumea.

    John 5:46,47 For had ye believed Moses, ye would have believed me: for he wrote of me. But if ye believe not his writings, how shall ye believe my words?

    Join me in scoffing at backwards Muslims clinging to their beliefs in the face of the evidence!
    The truth about volcanos
    Sex and debauchery in public schools
    Faith wins over science (explained for even the very stupid)
    God Cures AIDS - GLORY!
    Desert whale bones prove Great Flood once and for all.

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    • #17
      Re: Hello everyone!

      Originally posted by Pastor Ezekiel View Post
      I've heard it said that some queers have actually set up websites scattered across the internets dedicated to the worship of my body, in the vain hope of turning me queer so they could pass me around like a sextoy and commit sodomy on me.

      Suddenly I'm glad I haven't uploaded an actual photo of myself. Not that I'm as good looking as you are, but I'm sure those queers would just love to Photoshop my pic so it looked like I was engaged in all manner of wrongness.


      Should I assume, Pastor Zeke, that those lecherous worms acquired pics of your body because of your involvement with water sports programs for Christian youth?
      WARNING:
      In accordance with article 7 of the Swaggart Amendment to the Landover Baptist Church Constitution, you are hereby notified that this forum user is a
      REGISTERED SPIRITUAL PREDATOR, and prohibited from sending or receiving personal messages, text messages, or instant messages to forum users below the rank of True Christian™. This user is further prohibited from engaging with any persons in real-time audio or video "chats" via Web cams, Skype, Facetime, or any other Internet audio/video technology or service.

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      • #18
        Re: Hello everyone!

        Originally posted by Faith_Machine View Post
        Should I assume, Pastor Zeke, that those lecherous worms acquired pics of your body because of your involvement with water sports programs for Christian youth?


        One group of radical queers has made a "magical card game" using images like this one.




        This candid photo was stolen from my fiance's personal collection. It drives the homers mad with desire. Sister Daisy Mae fired several of her jigaboos over the scandal.




        This one is from the "Men of Landover Baptist" calendar a few years ago. The queers just adore this shot for some reason.
        Who Will Jesus Damn?

        Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:

        Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)

        Need Pastoral Advice? Contact me privately at PastorEzekiel@landoverbaptist.net TODAY!!

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        • #19
          Re: Hello everyone!

          Oh heavens, Zeke, this is truly beyond the pale!

          I am crying as I type these words, because I am so darned angry that they would do this to you!

          Be strong, Pastor Zeke, be strong!
          WARNING:
          In accordance with article 7 of the Swaggart Amendment to the Landover Baptist Church Constitution, you are hereby notified that this forum user is a
          REGISTERED SPIRITUAL PREDATOR, and prohibited from sending or receiving personal messages, text messages, or instant messages to forum users below the rank of True Christian™. This user is further prohibited from engaging with any persons in real-time audio or video "chats" via Web cams, Skype, Facetime, or any other Internet audio/video technology or service.

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          • #20
            Re: Hello everyone!

            Dear Pastor Ezekiel, i am verry happy that you take this so easy, on the otherhand Matthew 5:43-44 show us what to do

            43 Ye have heard that it hath been said, Thou shalt love thy neighbour, and hate thine enemy.

            44 But I say unto you, Love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them which despitefully use you, and persecute you;


            I wish that i someday will be able to follow the bibleas well, i am trying, and i get better, but i still have alot to learn

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            • #21
              Re: Hello everyone!

              Originally posted by Sonseed View Post
              Pastor Ezekiel, I'm going to be as straightforward and honest as I can with you. If the person pictured in your avatar is you, then I'm 90% positive you're a closet homosexual (that "winking" doesn't help.) Your hair is much too "stylish" to be on the head of any straight, self-respecting man. And you look like you drive a compact foreign car.


              Of course, if that's not you then I'm not too worried but I'd still change that avatar because I sure got the wrong impression.
              "Closet homosexual"?

              I do not think such a thing exists. Everyone knows the only thing gay men want to do is rape Christian men, otherwise they would stay straight as God told them to!

              I think this sounds an awful lot like "you're born a homer, it isn't a lifestyle choice". I would avoid such opinions on God's favorite forum if I were you.

              And another problem with your "theory" is, how would we be able to stone the Pastor if it were true? (Leviticus 20:13)
              The rocks would bounce off harmlessly against his well-shaped, rock-hard abs. Or his magnificent thighs. Or other hard places.

              Since he's protected against stoning, God must not want us to stone him, so he isn't a vile homosexual. Q.E.D.
              John 20:27: Then saith he to Thomas, Reach hither thy finger, and behold my hands; and reach hither thy hand, and thrust it into my side: and be not faithless, but believing.

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              • #22
                Re: Hello everyone!

                Thomas, I meant no such thing. Everyone knows homosexuals are conniving and wicked, attempting at any chance to deceive the honest, hardworking man by seeming innocent enough when asking him for a ride home in his truck, and then "accidentally" brushing the hair from his ear while "stretching"!

                You got me working up a fuss just thinking about it. I hope getting thrown out of a lifted truck on the 67 interstate taught that boy a lesson about messing with the wrong people. It's a shame Obama is still president or I would've done a whole lot worse.
                Ecclesiastes 4:5 The fool foldeth his hands together, and eateth his own flesh

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                • #23
                  Re: Hello everyone!

                  Originally posted by Nobar King View Post
                  Maybe I can get some style tips, too?
                  Originally posted by Sonseed View Post
                  Sure, wear that hat properly. I'm sure you think your rebellious attitude is clever, but it makes you look like a gangbanger, and I don't think THE LORD would appreciate that.
                  I wear my hat any damn way I want. I haven't had this much abuse since I failed high school in the 11th grade.
                  May you be a blessing to every life you touch.

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