Greetings, and concerns of mine

[Pastor Ezekiel]

Re: Greetings, and concerns of mine

Are you a queer or something? I know that women can be a smelly nuisance, but God did command us to mount them and use them as our helpmates, etc.

Why else would you still be single? You're not a cripple are you?

[Mary Etheldreda]

Re: Greetings, and concerns of mine

Ahem, isn't "last rites" a catholic thing?


Let me search back to my papist days...

...oh yes. A catholic thing.

A "sacrament" I believe it's called. "Sacrament" is Latin for, "Idolatry."

[Faith_Machine]

Re: Greetings, and concerns of mine

Last Rites, I would suggest moving to a country where the women don't have faces like horses, i.e., America, but I'm a little concerned about one thing:

You seem awfully quick to trash your country of origin. If you made America your new home, I suspect you might turn into one of those blame-America-first liberals who tries to impress people with how "aware" you are by decrying this great nation while simultaneously sucking at its teat.

[Zechariah Smyth]

Re: Greetings, and concerns of mine

*ahem*

Attention Unsaved Trash: This the ONLY subforum you can start threads in. Here is where you introduce yourself. Tell us what church you go to and what your favorite Bible verse is and how you came to find Jesus.

[last rites]

Hello.

As someone who reads the bible during my spare time 90% of the time, I have come with a couple of concerns of mine that I was hoping you could guide me on.

First of all, I am, unfortunately, british (I refuse to capitalize my unfortunate demonic nationality). Having this revolting, godforsaken excuse for blood flowing through my veins is starting to make me feel ill - every time I bleed, I don't even see blood, but demonic filth seeping from the wound, and even though I have abstained from tea, crumpets, and other unholy british activities, and brush my teeth 7 times a day and get dentist treatment monthly, I am still making no progress of purging myself from the britishness. I dust the six foot American flag in my room every day, but my disgusting british heritage won't go away. Please, true American white Christians - is there anything I can do to completely remove my nationality and become a true American?

Second of all, and this is a shorter one, I am concerned my manhood is at risk - after almost thirty years of my life, I have not had a single urge to marry a woman (NOT a man either, goodnese no!) and I fear that the fact that if this is to continue, I may be barred from heaven from not producing more Christ-serving children. I quite literally cannot work up the appetite to do so, so please, I beg of you, if there's a will in me to get the will to get a woman and start a family in Jesus's name, could you please help me get it out?

Thank you for your time, and may God's empire never end!