X
Collapse
 
  • Page of 1
  • Time
  • Show
Clear All
new posts
Previous template Next
  • Timefag
    Confirmed Enemy of God
    BANNED from Landover -- Aeternal Damnation Assured
    • Feb 2012
    • 20
    #1

    Iv'e seen the light brothers and sisters

    I came on here to be sceptical yet have found salvation, praise Jesus !!!

    I spent hours reading yesterday and it all made so much sense. However all went wrong after I felt the mighty Lord enter my body and I struck my sassy wife for the first time.....I felt so empowered and for five seconds the look of total disbelief on her face was a picture. That's all I remember as she must have come to her senses and twatted me around the head with a cricket bat.

    The 27 stitches are still quite tender and living in the trunk of my car isn't helping. When will she see that I am in the right and bow to the man of the house. Any advice from my new found brothers and sisters would be appreciated. e

    PS

    Would the use of a stun gun be ok in the eyes of Jesus as she is one strong bitch!
    Tags: None
    • Redeemed Papist
      Former Mary Hailer who has seen The Light(c)
      True Christian™
      • Jul 2011
      • 10409
      #2
      Re: Iv'e seen the light brothers and sisters

      Why did you hit your wife?
      sigpic
      Isaiah 34:6 The sword of the LORD is filled with blood, it is made fat with fatness, and with the blood of lambs and goats, with the fat of the kidneys of rams: for the LORD hath a sacrifice in Bozrah, and a great slaughter in the land of Idumea.

      John 5:46,47 For had ye believed Moses, ye would have believed me: for he wrote of me. But if ye believe not his writings, how shall ye believe my words?

      Join me in scoffing at backwards Muslims clinging to their beliefs in the face of the evidence!
      The truth about volcanos
      Sex and debauchery in public schools
      Faith wins over science (explained for even the very stupid)
      God Cures AIDS - GLORY!
      Desert whale bones prove Great Flood once and for all.

        Comment

        • Timefag
          Confirmed Enemy of God
          BANNED from Landover -- Aeternal Damnation Assured
          • Feb 2012
          • 20
          #3
          Re: Iv'e seen the light brothers and sisters

          Originally posted by Redeemed Papist View Post
          Why did you hit your wife?
          She was being disrespectful and I draw the line at spitting in my face

            Comment

            • Pastor Ezekiel
              Putting the "stud" back in Bible Study
               
              • Sep 2006
              • 78555
              #4
              Re: Iv'e seen the light brothers and sisters

              Originally posted by Timefag View Post
              She was being disrespectful and I draw the line at spitting in my face
              Since everyone over there wears a dress, how can you tell which ones are the girl?
              Who Will Jesus Damn?

              Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:

              Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)

              Need Pastoral Advice? Contact me privately at PastorEzekiel@landoverbaptist.net TODAY!!

                Comment

                • Brother Harold Porter
                  Landover Senior Outreach
                  Touching Men, Women and Children with the Good News!
                  True Christian™
                  • Jun 2010
                  • 8236
                  #5
                  Re: Iv'e seen the light brothers and sisters

                  Well then, a tentative and cautious welcome, young man. I'm somewhat skeptical after your previous hateful posts, but Jesus commands us to forgive the sinner.


                  Matthew 18:21-22 "Then came Peter to him, and said, Lord, how oft shall my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? till seven times?"

                  "Jesus saith unto him, I say not unto thee, Until seven times: but, Until seventy times seven."


                  We shall see, and I will pray for you in your new walk with Christ.
                  Matthew 19:14 "But Jesus said, Suffer little children, and forbid them not, to come unto me: for of such is the kingdom of heaven."

                  sigpic

                    Comment

                    • Timefag
                      Confirmed Enemy of God
                      BANNED from Landover -- Aeternal Damnation Assured
                      • Feb 2012
                      • 20
                      #6
                      Re: Iv'e seen the light brothers and sisters

                      Originally posted by Pastor Ezekiel View Post
                      Since everyone over there wears a dress, how can you tell which ones are the girl?
                      I am not from Texas my friend, you must have me confused with someone else. I am from England, the country that made America.

                        Comment

                        • Timefag
                          Confirmed Enemy of God
                          BANNED from Landover -- Aeternal Damnation Assured
                          • Feb 2012
                          • 20
                          #7
                          Re: Iv'e seen the light brothers and sisters

                          Originally posted by Brother Harold Porter View Post
                          Well then, a tentative and cautious welcome, young man. I'm somewhat skeptical after your previous hateful posts, but Jesus commands us to forgive the sinner.


                          Matthew 18:21-22 "Then came Peter to him, and said, Lord, how oft shall my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? till seven times?"

                          "Jesus saith unto him, I say not unto thee, Until seven times: but, Until seventy times seven."


                          We shall see, and I will pray for you in your new walk with Christ.
                          I was in denial and for some reason I was drew from my porn sites to here by chance? No....I was guided here and have been repenting for 22 hours....Praise the sweet Jesus.

                            Comment

                            • James Hutchins
                              True Christian™
                              Just a Regular Nice Guy
                               
                              • Jun 2009
                              • 29453
                              #8
                              Re: Iv'e seen the light brothers and sisters

                              Originally posted by Timefag View Post
                              I am not from Texas my friend, you must have me confused with someone else. I am from England, the country that made America.
                              No friend, you did not 'make America', God did. Nor did you 'find America' either. You did try to steal it but we whooped your pantie asses back home. Then, to prove we are great, we saved you from annihilation during the world wars.
                              You are welcome.
                              Now that you are with Jesus, please tell us all how you prostrate yourself at the feet of God.
                              Isaiah 45:7 I form the light, and create darkness: I make peace, and create evil: I the LORD do all these things.
                              Amos 3:6 Shall a trumpet be blown in the city, and the people not be afraid? shall there be evil in a city, and the LORD hath not done it?
                              Numbers 21:6 And the LORD sent fiery serpents among the people, and they bit the people; and much people of Israel died.
                              Matthew 10:34 Think not that I am come to send peace on earth: I came not to send peace, but a sword.
                              Matthew 10:35 For I am come to set a man at variance against his father, and the daughter against her mother, and the daughter in law against her mother in law.
                              Matthew 10:36 And a man's foes shall be they of his own household.

                                Comment

                                • Billy Bob Jenkins
                                  Family Man of the Year 2010-2013
                                  About as Straight and Manly as you can get
                                  Hates anal sex. And trees.
                                  True Christian™
                                  • May 2010
                                  • 8337
                                  #9
                                  Re: Iv'e seen the light brothers and sisters

                                  Originally posted by Timefag View Post
                                  I was in denial and for some reason I was drew from my porn sites to here by chance? No....I was guided here and have been repenting for 22 hours....Praise the sweet Jesus.
                                  Welcome to our humble forum.

                                  Bragging about your foul sins will not win you cool points here. This is a Christian website. But since you brought it up, how many times have you needed to repent in the last 22 hours? I'll bet at least half of these abjurations involved drunken sodomy with chihuahuas, judging from my experience with foreigners. Be honest with us, but try not to glorify homosexuality in the process, if you can. What were these foul sins that you repented of during the last 22 hours? Why do you keep committing them? Is it the rhythmic pounding together of your four testicles? The abstruse bellowing during your partner's climax? The beefy aroma of anus on the air? Tell us, and please, we don't need to hear you glorify the gross details.
                                  The Only Real Climate Change Will be Hell!

                                    Comment

                                    • Redeemed Papist
                                      Former Mary Hailer who has seen The Light(c)
                                      True Christian™
                                      • Jul 2011
                                      • 10409
                                      #10
                                      Re: Iv'e seen the light brothers and sisters

                                      Originally posted by Timefag View Post
                                      She was being disrespectful and I draw the line at spitting in my face
                                      I didn't mean "What did she do to anger you?" I meant, "Why did you hit her? What told you it was the right thing to do?"
                                      sigpic
                                      Isaiah 34:6 The sword of the LORD is filled with blood, it is made fat with fatness, and with the blood of lambs and goats, with the fat of the kidneys of rams: for the LORD hath a sacrifice in Bozrah, and a great slaughter in the land of Idumea.

                                      John 5:46,47 For had ye believed Moses, ye would have believed me: for he wrote of me. But if ye believe not his writings, how shall ye believe my words?

                                      Join me in scoffing at backwards Muslims clinging to their beliefs in the face of the evidence!
                                      The truth about volcanos
                                      Sex and debauchery in public schools
                                      Faith wins over science (explained for even the very stupid)
                                      God Cures AIDS - GLORY!
                                      Desert whale bones prove Great Flood once and for all.

                                        Comment

                                        • Dr Laurence Niles
                                          Psychotheological Analyst Therapist
                                           
                                          • Jan 2012
                                          • 9063
                                          #11
                                          Originally posted by Redeemed Papist View Post
                                          I didn't mean "What did she do to anger you?" I meant, "Why did you hit her? What told you it was the right thing to do?"
                                          I really hope he had the correct reason and is not just a wife beater

                                          God is Love.
                                          Posted via Mobile Device
                                          1 Corinthians 11:3 But I would have you know, that the head of every man is Christ; and the head of the woman is the man; and the head of Christ is God.

                                          Revelation 22:15 For without are dogs, and sorcerers, and whoremongers, and murderers, and idolaters, and whosoever loveth and maketh a lie.

                                          Leviticus 20:13 If a man also lie with mankind, as he lieth with a woman, both of them have committed an abomination: they shall surely be put to death; their blood shall be upon them.

                                            Comment

                                            • Faith_Machine
                                              Dyed-in-the-wool True Christian™
                                              True Christian™
                                              • Mar 2011
                                              • 10050
                                              #12
                                              Re: Iv'e seen the light brothers and sisters

                                              Why is he called Timefag? Is he trying to scare us into thinking gays have developed a time machine? I don't think God would allow some queer to go back in time and change history.
                                              WARNING:
                                              In accordance with article 7 of the Swaggart Amendment to the Landover Baptist Church Constitution, you are hereby notified that this forum user is a
                                              REGISTERED SPIRITUAL PREDATOR, and prohibited from sending or receiving personal messages, text messages, or instant messages to forum users below the rank of True Christian™. This user is further prohibited from engaging with any persons in real-time audio or video "chats" via Web cams, Skype, Facetime, or any other Internet audio/video technology or service.

                                                Comment

                                                • Rev. M. Rodimer
                                                  Honorary True Christian™
                                                  Forum Member
                                                  • May 2008
                                                  • 13996
                                                  #13
                                                  Re: Iv'e seen the light brothers and sisters

                                                  Originally posted by Faith_Machine View Post
                                                  Why is he called Timefag? Is he trying to scare us into thinking gays have developed a time machine? I don't think God would allow some queer to go back in time and change history.
                                                  Perhaps he has been collecting wristwatches in that special way the homosexuals do.

                                                  Maybe someone who has experienced the sodomania can elaborate.
                                                  Bible boring? Nonsense!
                                                  Try Bible in a Year with Brother V, or join Shirlee and the kids as they discuss Real Bible Stories!
                                                  You can't be a Christian if you don't know God's Word!

                                                    Comment

                                                    Previous template Next
                                                    Working...