[Redeemed Papist]

Re: HELLo - I Think I am Clever Though You Will Find That is Not True

Why would someone make up an obvious fake identity to mock God with?

[Faith_Machine]

Re: HELLo - I Think I am Clever Though You Will Find That is Not True

Welcome aboard, Darlene! I always appreciate being able to spend time with a woman who has matured past the age of hormonal imbalance and will therefore be less likely to throw herself at me.

I would imagine you've probably served a lot of slices of pie in your time on this Earth.

[Rev. M. Rodimer]

Re: HELLo - I Think I am Clever Though You Will Find That is Not True

There is a measuring tape to my left and a gallon of Nature's Valley apple juice.

She just sniffled a little. Pop just parked the RV and is going to the Gas Station.

What do I do?

Grow a spine, Jellyfish. Call the police and report your mother's irrational tantrums, and show them the bruises from the time she thought you were a burglar, and the scar from the time she thought you were Larry King.

[Darlene Johnson]

Re: HELLo - I Think I am Clever Though You Will Find That is Not True

There is a measuring tape to my left and a gallon of Nature's Valley apple juice.

She just sniffled a little. Pop just parked the RV and is going to the Gas Station.

What do I do?

[Rev. M. Rodimer]

Re: HELLo - I Think I am Clever Though You Will Find That is Not True

She.. just fell asleep. If I make any sudden movements, she will beat me with a coat hanger. Talk me through what to do. She senses movement and sound acutely.

I have to keep typing or she will awaken.

Do you have any duct tape handy?

[Nobar King]

Re: HELLo - I Think I am Clever Though You Will Find That is Not True

Is your son still typing for you?

[Darlene Johnson]

Re: HELLo - I Think I am Clever Though You Will Find That is Not True

She.. just fell asleep. If I make any sudden movements, she will beat me with a coat hanger. Talk me through what to do. She senses movement and sound acutely.

I have to keep typing or she will awaken.

[Dr Laurence Niles]

Re: HELLo - I Think I am Clever Though You Will Find That is Not True

Exodus 22:18Thou shalt not suffer a witch to live.

When I see an evil old hag spouting drivel I think witch.

Burning is too good for the likes of you.

All the best.

[Rev. M. Rodimer]

Re: HELLo

Mr. Johnson, might I suggest that your dear mother might be best served with a stay in one of your current state's finer institutions?

I know it's not an easy thing to hear, but sometimes the best thing for Mom is what's called "involuntary commitment". It appears she is having problems with her memory and her driving; after all, running people over and imagining that you had an affair with a waitress aren't normal behavior. Surely you don't want her to wind up in jail, do you?

A Pastor at Landover can help you find an appropriate long-term care facility for her, I'm sure. And they have connections with people who can help make sure she has the correct diagnosis of "advanced Alzheimer's disease".

It's probably best if you don't mention this post to her.

[Darlene Johnson]

Re: HELLo

So you are a man pretending to be a woman?

Deuteronomy 22:5*The woman shall not wear that which pertaineth unto a man, neither shall a man put on a woman's garment: for all that do so are abomination unto the Lord thy God.

And what happens to abominations? That's right, Hell

Short bus, mate

This is why we need to stop good Christians from cherry-pickin parts of the word of GOD.

I will post it again and I'll have my son bold the part that pertains to myself.

“Do not severely criticize an older man. To the contrary, entreat him as a father, younger men as brothers, older women as mothers, younger women as sisters with all chasteness.” (1 Timothy 5:1, 2)

I am sure as mittens older than you, young man, so y'd best treat me with th'respect due.

Ephesians 6:1-4

Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. 2 “Honor your father and mother,” which is the first commandment with promise: 3 “that it may be well with you and you may live long on the earth."

Honour me as you would your mother. That includes not getting smart with the hip lingo, young man.

[Dr Laurence Niles]

Re: HELLo

“Do not severely criticize an older man. To the contrary, entreat him as a father, younger men as brothers, older women as mothers, younger women as sisters with all chasteness.” (1 Timothy 5:1, 2)

So you are a man pretending to be a woman?

Deuteronomy 22:5*The woman shall not wear that which pertaineth unto a man, neither shall a man put on a woman's garment: for all that do so are abomination unto the Lord thy God.

And what happens to abominations? That's right, Hell

Short bus, mate

[Darlene Johnson]

Re: HELLo

It doesn't sound as though you would be able to afford a home in Freehold OR in North Salem, dear.

I believe the one trailer park in Freehold was bulldozed to make way for the new Olive Garden Express . . . and we don't have any in North Salem.

Oh don't you worry, I can ask my heathen son for money. The less money that he gives to the Yoga the more money that goes to God, so it's not a big thing to squeeze that sucker for all he's worth.

It is the Lord's work.

Matthew 19:24
And again I say unto you, It is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle, than for a rich man to enter into the kingdom of God.

I ain't lookin to be rich, just lookin to get an apartment or a stay in a local retirement villa. If my son doesn't pay I'll just have to call up his wife and tell her about the "lapse in faith" he had around two years ago with an Apple Bees waitress.

Is there an Applebees in North Salem?

[Darlene Johnson]

Re: HELLo

Hello Darlene. You remind me of my meemaw, she can't drive anymore after she ran over my dog in my Mom's driveway. Please don't run over dogs if you drive, they never did anything to anybody.


YIC

Mrs. Naomi Portway

It's okay darlin' I only ran over a mexican back in 53' but I repented for that a very long time ago. He was also probably a muslim, ain't I in luck!

"And that prophet, or that dreamer of dreams, shall be put to death; because he hath spoken to turn you away from the LORD your God..." (Deuteronomy 13: 5)

He kept screaming "Deeyoes Meeyo" which is probably mexican for "Heathen God redeem my spirit"

We got to the bake sale on time though!

[Rev. M. Rodimer]

Re: HELLo

I am having some computer issues and I'm making my son type what I write. It is much easier and I know he won't be mussin up my words or I'll strike him with a bamboo rod.

We want to take pictures, Reverend. Howard knows how to drive by real fast in order to get some snap-shots on the kodak? We recently got evicted because of some disagreements with the secular electric company about how much a prayer is worth so weve been traveling in howard's RV. i can still cook up a mighty good roast even in this RV, Ill tell you that and we even have the Bob Smiley comedy tapes. They are a hoot!

I have been a registered Republican since I was old enough to spit on the shoes of "civil rights" activists. Amen.

It doesn't sound as though you would be able to afford a home in Freehold OR in North Salem, dear.

I believe the one trailer park in Freehold was bulldozed to make way for the new Olive Garden Express . . . and we don't have any in North Salem.

[Darlene Johnson]

Re: HELLo

Mrs. Johnson, have you been approved by Landover's Pastors?

Only people thoroughly vetted by the Pastors and the Department of Faith can even visit Freehold. Nobody else even gets past the Pearl-ish Gates.

North Salem, Indiana welcomes all who wish to live here and praise the Lord with us, pending ability to afford a home here.

I am having some computer issues and I'm making my son type what I write. It is much easier and I know he won't be mussin up my words or I'll strike him with a bamboo rod.

We want to take pictures, Reverend. Howard knows how to drive by real fast in order to get some snap-shots on the kodak? We recently got evicted because of some disagreements with the secular electric company about how much a prayer is worth so weve been traveling in howard's RV. i can still cook up a mighty good roast even in this RV, Ill tell you that and we even have the Bob Smiley comedy tapes. They are a hoot!

I have been a registered Republican since I was old enough to spit on the shoes of "civil rights" activists. Amen.