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  • Pastor Ezekiel
    replied
    Re: My Introduction

    Why did your parents name you after that stink cheese they eat in Godless France?

    If you'd like to find out more about Landover Baptist Church, please read THIS thread created especially for new posters.

    If you have a question, use the "search" function before posting it. Most likely it is being discussed somewhere on this Godly forum. Please don't waste God's precious bandwidth.

    You will keep a respectful tongue in your head whenever addressing your betters, which includes all True Christians™. Failure to do so, or any attempt at inciting debate or mockery of God's Divine Plan, can and will result in the suspension of your posting privileges.

    Your rights on this forum are listed HERE. If you feel that any of these rights have been violated, please don't hesitate to contact a Pastor at once.

    Leave a comment:


  • Rev. M. Rodimer
    replied
    Re: My Introduction

    Originally posted by Bree Tarkanian View Post
    With all due respect, Sir, why are you being so rude? I've been very respectful and I didn't think I could have offended someone. If I've done something to upset you, please let me know so I can work on it.
    Billy Bob lost a child to severe lactose intolerance, so gets very distressed by references to cheese, ice cream, milk, and especially yogurt.

    Also, never serve him a large helping of hummus in a white cotton napkin. It just brings back too many bad memories of poor lost Billy Bob Jr.

    The child died shortly before Billy Bob came to Jesus--I understand one of Landover's outreach specialists met Billy Bob at the child's funeral, just a few days too late for Junior--and Billy Bob often blames himself for not getting right with God sooner. For, you see, he now knows that his little Junior isn't just "gone", but will spend eternity being burned alive in God's Lake of Fire. Probably with uncontrollable diarrhea. All because Billy Bob chose to ignore God.

    Please try to be a little more sensitive to our members, dear.

    Leave a comment:


  • James Hutchins
    replied
    Re: My Introduction

    Originally posted by Bree Tarkanian View Post
    I have not had any children, though we're hoping that happens soon.

    As for the last question, it's because he loves me.
    Making male babies for God does not just 'happen'. Put your back into it. Every single day, morning, noon through night, make your womanly filthy bits available for your husbands abundant deposits of seed. As disgusting as you may be, coax your husband into wanting to lie with you. Do what ever he may want to make the experience bearable for him.
    Stop scrubbing it with lye. Instead, sit on a bench and simply let Gods air waft away the stench.
    A real woman is with son within a day or two of marriage.

    Leave a comment:


  • Mary Etheldreda
    replied
    Re: My Introduction

    Dear, this is what "due respect" to an esteemed member of the forum and the Family Man of the Year 2011 might look like:


    Originally posted by Bree Tarkanian View Post
    With all due respect, Sir, you are absolutely right. The Spirit of the LORD is powerful in you, even a lowly unsaved trash such as myself can see that. Thank you for taking the time out of your very busy day to ask why my parents hate Jesus. I don't know. If they didn't, they never would have spoiled me so much as a child.

    Leave a comment:


  • Bree Tarkanian
    replied
    Re: My Introduction

    Originally posted by Billy Bob Jenkins View Post
    Why are you named after a type of cheese? Did your parents hate Jesus?

    If your parents were going to flip through a cheese almanac, why not name you "American"?
    With all due respect, Sir, why are you being so rude? I've been very respectful and I didn't think I could have offended someone. If I've done something to upset you, please let me know so I can work on it.

    Leave a comment:


  • Bree Tarkanian
    replied
    Re: My Introduction

    Originally posted by Mary Etheldreda View Post
    If you talk as much to your husband as you did in your OP... stop it.

    Thank you for the advice. You're correct in that I tend to talk too much. William has threatened to get a ball gag for me to wear at all times while in the house (even to sleep).

    For my OP, though, he instructed me to be thorough.

    Leave a comment:


  • Bree Tarkanian
    replied
    Re: My Introduction

    Originally posted by James Hutchins View Post
    How many sons have you given to God?
    How does your husband tolerate you?
    I have not had any children, though we're hoping that happens soon.

    As for the last question, it's because he loves me.

    Leave a comment:


  • Bree Tarkanian
    replied
    Re: My Introduction

    Originally posted by ThinksDesign View Post
    You poor thing, men and women should be partners in a relationship

    The Designer made us with our specific roles (I mean how many women smoke pipes?) but to put you over his knee and smack your bear bottom?

    Just thinking about it sends shivers down my spine

    We have been specifically design to function perfectly and you do not need a man to override the Designers designated designs for you.

    You need to tell him you are a strong woman and deserve to be able to make you own decisions about whether you need to wear nappies, or not.

    ThinksDesign.
    While I appreciate your concern, I know that he means the best for me. He has taken me in hand because I was an errant woman who still acted like a child. No, I don't like the idea of being put in diapers, but it certainly does curb my bad behavior. He knows what's best.

    Leave a comment:


  • Billy Bob Jenkins
    replied
    Re: My Introduction

    Why are you named after a type of cheese? Did your parents hate Jesus?

    If your parents were going to flip through a cheese almanac, why not name you "American"?

    Leave a comment:


  • Mary Etheldreda
    replied
    Re: My Introduction

    Originally posted by Bree Tarkanian View Post

    Any advice about how to be a more obedient wife would be much appreciated.
    If you talk as much to your husband as you did in your OP... stop it.

    Leave a comment:


  • James Hutchins
    replied
    Re: My Introduction

    Originally posted by Bree Tarkanian View Post
    My name is . Incessant Cackling Deleted........I'm just a woman.
    How many sons have you given to God?
    How does your husband tolerate you?

    Leave a comment:


  • Thinks Design
    replied
    Re: My Introduction

    Originally posted by Zechariah Smyth View Post
    You furries are so creepy.



    YiC,

    Zech
    I'm not a furry, thank you very much!

    I was just telling this lady that she should not let that dog badger her into behaving like timid little mouse. He is a worm

    The dirty old goat has weaselled his way into her life like a bullish pig! He should let her fly free as a bird rather than a caged animal.

    He's monkeying with her affections and while there may be a time and a plaice for disciple in any marriage he hardly seems like the bees knees to deserve the lions share of respect in the relationship.

    ThinksDesign

    Leave a comment:


  • Zechariah Smyth
    replied
    Re: My Introduction

    Originally posted by ThinksDesign View Post
    You poor thing, men and women should be partners in a relationship

    The Designer made us with our specific roles (I mean how many women smoke pipes?) but to put you over his knee and
    smack your bear bottom?

    Just thinking about it sends shivers down my spine

    We have been specifically design to function perfectly and you do not need a man to override the Designers designated designs for you.


    You need to tell him you are a strong woman and deserve to be able to make you own decisions about whether you need to wear nappies, or not.


    ThinksDesign.
    You furries are so creepy.



    YiC,

    Zech

    Leave a comment:


  • Thinks Design
    replied
    Re: My Introduction

    You poor thing, men and women should be partners in a relationship

    The Designer made us with our specific roles (I mean how many women smoke pipes?) but to put you over his knee and smack your bear bottom?

    Just thinking about it sends shivers down my spine

    We have been specifically design to function perfectly and you do not need a man to override the Designers designated designs for you.

    You need to tell him you are a strong woman and deserve to be able to make you own decisions about whether you need to wear nappies, or not.

    ThinksDesign.

    Leave a comment:


  • Bree Tarkanian
    replied
    Re: My Introduction

    Originally posted by Zechariah Smyth View Post
    It is written from a man's viewpoint (specifically, the Apostle Paul), so of course the personal pronouns will reflect that, but it is applicable to all. It was written to a church in Corinth, which of course would've had male and female attendees.

    Also: where in the Bible does it say that "women are naturally somewhat childish" ??? I've only read the Bible cover-to-cover 11 times, and I don't recall that part.

    Perhaps you should get your husband to join Landover to support his viewpoint (using Scripture).

    YiC,

    Zech
    I'm certainly not disagreeing with you, Sir. I don't think that his comment was anything more than a personal observation. He didn't state that it said women are childlike in the Bible.

    I would very much like him to join the Forum as well; he just doesn't like typing very much. LOL!

    Leave a comment:

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