[Pastor Ezekiel]

Re: You sad, sad heathens

May you be touched by His noodley appendage.

Oh sweet Jesus how I hate godmocking scum like you! You and your fake, made-up religion that makes absolutely no sense and is not believable by any rational human being. The Holy Bible foretold that perverts like you would haunt us in the End Times.

Jude 1:17 But, beloved, remember ye the words which were spoken before of the apostles of our Lord Jesus Christ;
1:18 How that they told you there should be mockers in the last time, who should walk after their own ungodly lusts.
1:19 These be they who separate themselves, sensual, having not the Spirit.

[Pasta Pete]

Re: You sad, sad heathens

This is a very powerful prayer against Witchcraft. This prayer can shut down witches and satanists forever. Being that this prayer basically shuts down the senders of the hexes and vexes by returning their evil to them sevenfold. I now hurl it at you in Christ's name!

Father,
In the name of Jesus Christ of Nazareth, I plead the precious uncorruptable blood of Jesus over myself and my church and everything that belongs to us. I ask for giant warrior Angels to be loosed from Heaven to surround and protect us. As your war club and weapons of war I break down, undamn, and blow up all walls of protection around all witches, warlocks, wizards, satanists, and the like, and I break the power of all curses, hexes, vexes, spells, charms, fetishes, physic prayers, physic thought, all witchcraft, sorcery, magic, voodoo, all mind control, jinxes, potions, bewitchments, death, destruction, sickness, pain, torment, physic power, physic warfare, prayer chains, and everything else being sent my way or my family members way, and I return it and the demons to the senders right now!, SEVENFOLD, and I BIND it to them by the Blood of Jesus!

Father, I pray that these lost souls will find the light of your son Jesus.. Their own snares and traps have been set against themselves.. In the name of Jesus Christ of Nazareth I now loose them from all mindcontrol of satan!.. Father I also ask that you Bind the Holy Spirit to there hearts as a guide to your son Jesus.. So they may be set free from the bondages of satan.

In Jesus name I pray..
Amen

I assure you that this isn't witchcraft. Your prayer might have been wasted.

You know, deep down that the Fiendish Spaghetti Monster is made up to lampoon decent, honest Christians.

Would you walk into a church on Sunday and start shouting the odds? No. Of course not.

But safe behind your semen stained key pad monitor screen you think you can trample over the cherished beliefs of us decent True Christians™?

Matthew 5:10 Blessed are they which are persecuted for righteousness' sake: for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.
Matthew 5:11 Blessed are ye, when men shall revile you, and persecute you, and shall say all manner of evil against you falsely, for my sake.
Matthew 5:44 But I say unto you, Love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them which despitefully use you, and persecute you;
Matthew 10:22 And ye shall be hated of all men for my name's sake: but he that endureth to the end shall be saved.
Matthew 24:9 Then shall they deliver you up to be afflicted, and shall kill you: and ye shall be hated of all nations for my name's sake.
Luke 21:17 And ye shall be hated of all men for my name's sake.
Romans 12:14 Bless them which persecute you: bless, and curse not.

Go to Hell, people like you make me sick I hope you meet Jesus one day but you won't.

YIC

Hell has stale beer and strippers with STDs. Why would I want to go there? The FSM has a spot for me in heaven with stripper factories and a beer volcano. That is where I want to be.

Didn't this spaghetti joke run its course about a decade ago?

Time for you God-mockers to find new material.

"'Since you have done a half-ass job, you will receive half an ass!' The Great Pirate Solomon grabbed his ceremonial scimitar and struck his remaining donkey, cleaving it in two." Slackers 1:52-53

Why would this be a joke? I genuinely believe all that I say.

May you be touched by His noodley appendage.

[VictoryOS]

Re: You sad, sad heathens

Didn't this spaghetti joke run its course about a decade ago?

Time for you God-mockers to find new material.

[Dr Laurence Niles]

Re: You sad, sad heathens

The FSM loves me for who I am and that is all that matters to me.

May you be touched by His noodley appendage.

You know, deep down that the Fiendish Spaghetti Monster is made up to lampoon decent, honest Christians.

Would you walk into a church on Sunday and start shouting the odds? No. Of course not.

But safe behind your semen stained key pad monitor screen you think you can trample over the cherished beliefs of us decent True Christians(tm)?

Matthew 5:10 Blessed are they which are persecuted for righteousness' sake: for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.
Matthew 5:11 Blessed are ye, when men shall revile you, and persecute you, and shall say all manner of evil against you falsely, for my sake.
Matthew 5:44 But I say unto you, Love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them which despitefully use you, and persecute you;
Matthew 10:22 And ye shall be hated of all men for my name's sake: but he that endureth to the end shall be saved.
Matthew 24:9 Then shall they deliver you up to be afflicted, and shall kill you: and ye shall be hated of all nations for my name's sake.
Luke 21:17 And ye shall be hated of all men for my name's sake.
Romans 12:14 Bless them which persecute you: bless, and curse not.

Go to Hell, people like you make me sick I hope you meet Jesus one day but you won't.

YIC

[Pastor Ezekiel]

Re: You sad, sad heathens

May you be touched by His noodley appendage.

This is a very powerful prayer against Witchcraft. This prayer can shut down witches and satanists forever. Being that this prayer basically shuts down the senders of the hexes and vexes by returning their evil to them sevenfold. I now hurl it at you in Christ's name!

Father,
In the name of Jesus Christ of Nazareth, I plead the precious uncorruptable blood of Jesus over myself and my church and everything that belongs to us. I ask for giant warrior Angels to be loosed from Heaven to surround and protect us. As your war club and weapons of war I break down, undamn, and blow up all walls of protection around all witches, warlocks, wizards, satanists, and the like, and I break the power of all curses, hexes, vexes, spells, charms, fetishes, physic prayers, physic thought, all witchcraft, sorcery, magic, voodoo, all mind control, jinxes, potions, bewitchments, death, destruction, sickness, pain, torment, physic power, physic warfare, prayer chains, and everything else being sent my way or my family members way, and I return it and the demons to the senders right now!, SEVENFOLD, and I BIND it to them by the Blood of Jesus!

Father, I pray that these lost souls will find the light of your son Jesus.. Their own snares and traps have been set against themselves.. In the name of Jesus Christ of Nazareth I now loose them from all mindcontrol of satan!.. Father I also ask that you Bind the Holy Spirit to there hearts as a guide to your son Jesus.. So they may be set free from the bondages of satan.

In Jesus name I pray..
Amen

[Pasta Pete]

Re: You sad, sad heathens

If you are a retard you are not welcome here

1st Samuel 21:15 "Have I need of mad men, that ye have brought this fellow to play the mad man in my presence? shall this fellow come into my house?"

YIC

ABE: as it turns out you are a dirty queer.

Leviticus 20:13 "If a man also lie with mankind, as he lieth with a woman, both of them have committed an abomination: they shall surely be put to death; their blood shall be upon them."

You're welcome.

The FSM loves me for who I am and that is all that matters to me.

May you be touched by His noodley appendage.

[Dr Laurence Niles]

Re: You sad, sad heathens

If you are a retard you are not welcome here

1st Samuel 21:15 "Have I need of mad men, that ye have brought this fellow to play the mad man in my presence? shall this fellow come into my house?"

YIC

ABE: as it turns out you are a dirty queer.

Leviticus 20:13 "If a man also lie with mankind, as he lieth with a woman, both of them have committed an abomination: they shall surely be put to death; their blood shall be upon them."

You're welcome.

[Pasta Pete]

Re: You sad, sad heathens

You do realize that sounds just a little bit, you know, gay?

Whereas the True Christians™ here just want you to get down on your knees, open your heart wide, and let the Love® of Christ™ erupt deep inside you, filling you with the Spirit©.

And that's totally Not Gay™.

See the difference?

Well, I'm gay, so trust me when I say this. I rather be touched by a noodley appendage rather than getting down on my knees and having the Love of Christ inside of me. That would be messy.

[Didymus Much]

Re: You sad, sad heathens

...May you be touched by His noodley appendage.

You do realize that sounds just a little bit, you know, gay?

Whereas the True Christians(tm) here just want you to get down on your knees, open your heart wide, and let the Love(r) of Christ(tm) erupt deep inside you, filling you with the Spirit(c).

And that's totally Not Gay(tm).

See the difference?

[Pasta Pete]

Re: You sad, sad heathens

We don't really have time to deal with a group of athiests who just make up their own religion. You may think this pasta thing is the height of satire but it is just crude and offensive. I don't see how anyone could make fun of people's cherished beliefs the way you do.

Hello Chef Boyardee! Welcome to our friendly forum. I am glad that you are eager to discard your real God-mocking "religion" and accept Jesus as your personal savior!



Yours in Christ,

Z. Smyth

Why do you think I am not serious about my faith and devotion to the FSM? Why would I say something that I don't believe? It's very rude of you to tell me that don't believe what I do believe and call me a mocker.

I don't get it. They are all man made.

Are you retarded?

YIC

Exhibit B is man made, of course. It's probably from a cave man who saw the FSM. Exhibit A is not man made. Obviously, the FSM came down from heaven in order to show us his existence.

And to answer your question: Yes.

Dear Godmocking Whore;

Thank you for taking the time out of your busy schedule of worshiping satan and spreading your legs for anyone with a dollar to post this hateful message. The Holy Bible tells us that we are actually Blessed by your persecution! Thanks for proving that we're right.



Enjoy hell. I know that Jesus and I can't wait to watch you burn in hell for all eternity. Oh, how we'll laugh at you as you scream in agony! Shout Glory!!

YIC,

--Pastor Ezekiel

I don't understand how I am persecuting you. I am trying to kindly show you the FSM's existence and that He is truly our creator.

May you be touched by His noodley appendage.

[Pastor Ezekiel]

Re: You sad, sad heathens

Dear Godmocking Whore;

Thank you for taking the time out of your busy schedule of worshiping satan and spreading your legs for anyone with a dollar to post this hateful message. The Holy Bible tells us that we are actually Blessed by your persecution! Thanks for proving that we're right.

Matthew 5:10 Blessed are they which are persecuted for righteousness' sake: for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.
5:11 Blessed are ye, when men shall revile you, and persecute you, and shall say all manner of evil against you falsely, for my sake.
5:12 Rejoice, and be exceeding glad: for great is your reward in heaven: for so persecuted they the prophets which were before you.

Enjoy hell. I know that Jesus and I can't wait to watch you burn in hell for all eternity. Oh, how we'll laugh at you as you scream in agony! Shout Glory!!

YIC,

--Pastor Ezekiel

[Zechariah Smyth]

Re: You sad, sad heathens

Hello Chef Boyardee! Welcome to our friendly forum. I am glad that you are eager to discard your fictional God-mocking "religion" and accept Jesus as your personal savior!



Yours in Christ,

Z. Smyth

[Dr Laurence Niles]

Re: You sad, sad heathens

There is evidence for the FSM all over. You just have to open your eyes and heart. The FSM is ready to accept you as his follower.

Exhibit A: This crop circle.

How does this not prove the FSM? He obviously made this as a sign of His existence.

Exhibit B: The FSM has been worshiped, maybe even spotted, way before we were born. Therefore, the FSM must exist.

I don't get it. They are all man made.

Are you retarded?

YIC

[WilliamJenningsBryan]

Re: You sad, sad heathens

Yawn – the FSM is indeed tiresome, we've seen it all before. Hell, even the Church of the Sub-Genius is funnier than the FSM – along with mooselimbs, cathylicks, and mormons.

[Brother Helge]

Re: You sad, sad heathens

Why do you hate Jesus?