Submit Yourselves Therefore To God

[John W. Booke]

Romans 14:14: I know, and am persuaded by the Lord Jesus, that there is nothing unclean of itself: but to him that esteemeth any thing to be unclean, to him it is unclean.


My name is John William Booke, and I attend the Frothing Springs Baptist Church on Diguid Street in Southwest Frothing Springs, Kentucky, which is few miles from the downtown. My town has since been overtaken by bands of reckless, wandering sodomites and whoremongers. Liberal gypsies and ladymen like to gather in the square in the morning with signs that promote any number of Godless, uninhibited acts of evil. I can scarcely bring myself to drive my truck around the rotary to work for fear of fumes of wickedness permeating the vehicle. Something must be done about this. I pray constantly for a solution.

I have known Jesus as long as I can remember. He is a constant presence in my life. He is with me from sun up to sun down. I see him in everything that I do, even when I wash my hands at work. I am a modest man, but I have begun attempts at cleansing the moral turpitude I see around me using the sharp tongue, comliness of manner and a variety of other tools that the Lord has entrusted to me during my stay in this Garden Of Earthly Delusions. I look forward to addressing some of these concerns and learning from other Like-Minded Christians at this website.

Gratefully and Guided by the Pristine Grace of God,
JWB

[Matthew Hopkins]

Re: Submit Yourselves Therefore To God

Brother, I feel lead to ask you:

What was the most unclean thing you have ever done?

YBIC

[Zechariah Smyth]

Re: Submit Yourselves Therefore To God

Hey John!

That's a doggone shame about how the degenerates have taken over your area. I long for the good old days when people who were different *wink wink* were taken care of.



How many sons do you have, friend?

Yours in Christ,

Z. Smyth

[Jedediah]

Re: Submit Yourselves Therefore To God

Welcome, friend. I look forward to fellowshipping with you. Living among the unsaved can be wearisome at times, but we are told to expect as much during these End Times. We can sleep tight with the knowledge that God will pour out the fire of His wrath on them during the Judgment, though.

II Peter 3:3-7
Knowing this first, that there shall come in the last days scoffers, walking after their own lusts,
And saying, Where is the promise of his coming? for since the fathers fell asleep, all things continue as they were from the beginning of the creation.
For this they willingly are ignorant of, that by the word of God the heavens were of old, and the earth standing out of the water and in the water:
Whereby the world that then was, being overflowed with water, perished:
But the heavens and the earth, which are now, by the same word are kept in store, reserved unto fire against the day of judgment and perdition of ungodly men.

Has Jesus given you any sons? Daughters are okay too.

[Pastor Ezekiel]

Re: Submit Yourselves Therefore To God

Welcome to God's favorite forum. Somehow I don't feel like you've told us very much about yourself. What Church did you say you attended?

If you'd like to find out more about Landover Baptist Church, please read THIS thread created especially for new posters.

If you have a question, use the "search" function before posting it. Most likely it is being discussed somewhere on this Godly forum. Please don't waste God's precious bandwidth.

You will keep a respectful tongue in your head whenever addressing your betters, which includes all True Christians™. Failure to do so, or any attempt at inciting debate or mockery of God's Divine Plan, can and will result in the suspension of your posting privileges.

Your rights on this forum are listed HERE. If you feel that any of these rights have been violated, please don't hesitate to contact a Pastor at once.

[John W. Booke]

Re: Submit Yourselves Therefore To God

I am a private man; it is the way of our family and should be the way of all Respectful Christians. But, I will divulge the most unclean thing I have ever done if only to better the straying souls I see scattered around me.

When I was eight years old, I was on my way home from school one day with the Lord Everpresent in my mind when I was momentarily distracted by the young John Bailey, a sodomite in training who worked at the local Five and Dime. He gave me a piece of molasses candy, and my young self, not near enough to the Lord's protective robes yet, was persuaded to indulge in a piece. When I got home that night, my father, the good Reverend Booke, caught the wrapper of the abominable sweet stuck to the sole of my shoe. I was then purified with a belt until my backside was red, but the agony and tears only brought me closer to My Heavenly Father. It was a good lesson for me; I have no shame in repeating the story. Even the smallest bit of processed sugar can lead to an eternal immersion in the lake of fire.

1 Corinthians 6:9-10


9 Or do you not know that wrongdoers will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived: Neither the sexually immoral nor idolaters nor adulterers nor men who have sex with men[a] 10 nor thieves nor the greedy nor drunkards nor slanderers nor swindlers will inherit the kingdom of God.


JWB

[John W. Booke]

Re: Submit Yourselves Therefore To God

Thank you for your most kind welcome. I believe I stated plainly the church I attend. It is a modest congregation in a modest town, although it is becoming less so daily with the almost constant arrival of transient homosexuals and tree lovers.

Blessings,
JWB

[John W. Booke]

Re: Submit Yourselves Therefore To God

Hey John!

That's a doggone shame about how the degenerates have taken over your area. I long for the good old days when people who were different *wink wink* were taken care of.



How many sons do you have, friend?

Yours in Christ,

Z. Smyth

I have one son, Joshua, who is studying at St. Mary's Boarding School in Rome (it bears the same name as the abominable Catholic capital, but that is all), GA. He is planning on enlisting when he grows up. He will make Mrs. Booke and myself very proud.

[Faith_Machine]

Re: Submit Yourselves Therefore To God

Wait a minute, HOLD ON! You're sending your son to a Catholic boarding school?

Do you hate him, or were you just concerned that his anus might not be loose enough?

[Pastor Ezekiel]

Re: Submit Yourselves Therefore To God

I have one son, Joshua, who is studying at St. Mary's Boarding School in Rome (it bears the same name as the abominable Catholic capital, but that is all), GA. He is planning on enlisting when he grows up. He will make Mrs. Booke and myself very proud.

That's a papist school. Shame on you for posing as a Christian here.

I withdraw my previous welcome.

[Jedediah]

Re: Submit Yourselves Therefore To God

As someone who had his anus ruined prior to getting Saved™, for the sake of your son - PLEASE get him out of that Catholic school before it is too late. While taping up my diaper each morning is a bittersweet reminder of how I was once lost but now am Found, I don't see any reason for your son to learn this lesson the hard way. I can tell him ALL about it if you like.

[John W. Booke]

Re: Submit Yourselves Therefore To God

I was just testing to see if any of you were truly paying attention. Of course I did not send my son to any anal-stretching boarding school, though I am very sorry to here these lamentable tales of prostate violation. I don't even have a son. My wife spat out a retard in '92 but luckily we had it taken into the woods.

Many Blessings,

JWB

[Pastor Ezekiel]

Re: Submit Yourselves Therefore To God

I was just testing to see if any of you were truly paying attention.

Really? You waltzed in here to God's favorite forum intending to test us, His chosen flock?

That may have been a poor choice.

[John W. Booke]

Re: Submit Yourselves Therefore To God

I am the Lord's servant. Did he not also administer tests? I spat on a he-girl in the square last night; I uphold my devotion to a Brighter Christian Tomorrow.

JWB

[Zechariah Smyth]

Re: Submit Yourselves Therefore To God

I am the Lord's servant. Did he not also administer tests? I spat on a he-girl in the square last night; I uphold my devotion to a Brighter Christian Tomorrow.

JWB

Are you comparing yourself to Jesus?