what are you gonna do wiv them unChristain christmas gifts?

[Petal]

it true that sometimes unsaved folk try to tempts true Christains™ at christmas time they sneaks nawty gifts into our stockings an i not want to unwraps no dildos on christmas day! so this year i looked to the bible for advices on how to get rids of them evil gifts an i founds the answer in bootiful leviticus

And he shall take the two goats, and present them before the LORD at the door of the tabernacle of the congregation.
And Aaron shall cast lots upon the two goats; one lot for the LORD, and the other lot for the scapegoat.
And Aaron shall bring the goat upon which the LORD's lot fell, and offer him for a sin offering.
But the goat, on which the lot fell to be the scapegoat, shall be presented alive before the LORD, to make an atonement with him, and to let him go for a scapegoat into the wilderness. <--- that be leviticus 16:7-10

nows, i not have no liddle goats, but i have lots an lots of kittys that not want to be saveds they brake my hart . so here be my kitty Mr.Azazel, he been chosens to be the scapekitty cuz he so nawty, an on december 26 i gonna loads him up wiv them unChristain gifts, an then he gonna go into the woods where Miss.Moonflower live an i never ever gonna see him again but that ok

i did a liddle test run wiv my kitty Mr.Narrowpathy, but it not go so good i put my medickashuns in the bag an he eated them an now he sleepy

anyways, i got a surplis of demon scapekittys for true Christians™ to use if they wants to but only if they promise to sends them kittys into the woods an not to no chinee restront

so what are you gonna do wiv your unwanted gifts this year?

[SUV]

Re: what are you gonna do wiv them unChristain christmas gifts?

Miss Petal, surely you are going to put "Mr. Belial" into that scrapeGoat bag also?

[OnYourKnees]

Re: what are you gonna do wiv them unChristain christmas gifts?



Such wisdom, Petal!

I always request that those who wish to give me a present make a donation to Landover Baptist Church in my name, or send cash a week early so I may fly to Freehold and present it in the offering plate on Christmas Eve.

Should they fail to do so, and the gift is not something I find useful or of investment quality (say, from Cartier), I frequently regift it to Rosa. She particularly likes getting after-shave lotion ("la Perfuma!" she exclaims), floggers, and anything from Frederick's of Hollywood.

I'm not sure who this Frederick is, but apparently the women he creates clothes for have awfully large feet. Fortunately, so does Rosa.

[SUV]

Re: what are you gonna do wiv them unChristain christmas gifts?

Frederick's of Hollywood...I'm not sure who this Frederick is, but apparently the women he creates clothes for have awfully large feet. Fortunately, so does Rosa.

"Frederick" is a Good, solid Name; I'm sure his products will be Christian.

However, beware the Most Foul and Evil "Victoria's Secretions" catalogue. It made necessary my 'Savings' #6 through #10.

[Pastor Al E Pistle]

Re: what are you gonna do wiv them unChristain christmas gifts?

"Frederick" is a Good, solid Name; I'm sure his products will be Christian.

However, beware the Most Foul and Evil "Victoria's Secretions" catalogue. It made necessary my 'Savings' #6 through #10.

Funny you should mention that. Last night as I was minding my own business reading Deuteronomy, Ching Lee started hollering in whatever language she speaks with a word of pidgin tossed in every second sentence.

So I grabbed a couple of guns and ran down the hallway toward the media room prepared to repel boarders, but when I got there the IMAX screen was 360 degrees full of Victoria's Secret models in see-through nothings and angel wings. I thought I had been raptured until I heard Ching Lee cackling about unattractive the 'big nose' girls were.

I ran back to my room, tossed down the firearms (one doesn't shoot a gun in the IMAX room unless it is a REAL emergency) and grabbed at a horsewhip, but I heard the door slam and knew that Ching Lee had escaped once again.

[SUV]

Re: what are you gonna do wiv them unChristain christmas gifts?

Ching Lee, she say to tell you, "So Solly, Pastor-Master!"

[Bobby-Joe]

Re: what are you gonna do wiv them unChristain christmas gifts?

one doesn't shoot a gun in the IMAX room unless it is a REAL emergency

It is that kind of cool head thinking Pastor that has made you a leader in the Church.

[Rachael Van Helsing]

Re: what are you gonna do wiv them unChristain christmas gifts?

If people end up getting me a gift for a holiday I don't celebrate, if it's useless and unusable, well, I'll have saved some money on future birthday presents for relatives.

[Pastor Isaac Peters]

Re: what are you gonna do wiv them unChristain christmas gifts?

If people end up getting me a gift for a holiday I don't celebrate, if it's useless and unusable, well, I'll have saved some money on future birthday presents for relatives.

Leave it to you, Mrs. Van Hellmansmustard, to come running whenever a thread mentions a certain implement of self-harlotry whose name begins with d and ends with o. If that's what you consider a suitable birthday present for a relative, then you're even more depraved than I thought.

[Glendora Christianson]

Re: what are you gonna do wiv them unChristain christmas gifts?

it true that sometimes unsaved folk try to tempts true Christains™ at christmas time they sneaks nawty gifts into our stockings

Precious Petal, Mother Glynndie is so proud of you! I know I won't have to warn you about the real Santa Claus and how he will tempt folks into his lap for his own perverted pleasure. And those wiccaden Christmas trees with their demonic decorations are the perfect gathering place for Santa's suggestive gifts. DISTURBED MOTHER GLYNNDIE

[Rachael Van Helsing]

Re: what are you gonna do wiv them unChristain christmas gifts?

Leave it to you, Mrs. Van Hellmansmustard, to come running whenever a thread mentions a certain implement of self-harlotry whose name begins with d and ends with o. If that's what you consider a suitable birthday present for a relative, then you're even more depraved than I thought.

Hey, I was talking about unwanted gifts in general, not dildos. If someone gave me a dildo for a present I would very thoughtfully send it to those in the most dire need....the landover ladies.

[SUV]

Re: what are you gonna do wiv them unChristain christmas gifts?

If someone gave me a dildo for a present I would very thoughtfully send it to those in the most dire need....the landover ladies.

We don't need any of your pickle bread, thank you too very much!

[Rachael Van Helsing]

Re: what are you gonna do wiv them unChristain christmas gifts?

We don't need any of your pickle bread, thank you too very much!

Are you sure, Sister Sue? I Guarantee, it's made only with the freshest pickles.

[SUV]

Re: what are you gonna do wiv them unChristain christmas gifts?

Are you sure, Sister Sue? I Guarantee, it's made only with the freshest pickles.

So I suppose Peter Piper just picked a peck today

[Rachael Van Helsing]

Re: what are you gonna do wiv them unChristain christmas gifts?

So I suppose Peter Piper just picked a peck today

You'd suppose right!