Christmas Wish List 2017 - Ask Santa!

[Santa Claus]

Re: Christmas Wish List 2017 - Ask Santa!

Yes, well the sooner polar bears go extinct the better.

I would like a couple of brace dressed goose (not those Canadian things, they're too tough) thanks. Last year the beef was excellent, prime ribs nicely hung and some more of that hand reared shoulder ham. Yummy all the way to January!

Ho! It's Mitza my girlygirl! It's been too long! Almost a year! Did you ever finish that nice book that I gave you when you were three?



Please re-check the goose entry (hint: geese). But of course I'll give you some geese. You've been a good girl, haven't you! This is the one that I've chosen for you, dear child!



And as a very special extra nice surprise, be prepared for this! I know that it's your favorite product! We all need to keep up our appearances, don't we?

[handmaiden]

Re: Christmas Wish List 2017 - Ask Santa!

Dear Santa,

I would like some Belgian chocolate. Preferably dark chocolate with buttercreme or ganache fillings. Nuts are okay, I guess, but no coconut!


I also don't want to hear any more dirges about innocent children being forced to labor on cocoa plantations. Kids love chocolate! I don't understand the problem. If they were being forced to harvest cod liver oil, I could see where that would suck.

[James Hutchins]

Re: Christmas Wish List 2017 - Ask Santa!

Dear Santa,
My family and I would like peace on Earth and Goodwill towards all men.

Just kidding! I'd like Pastor Ezeikel to get a houseboy that does not have dysentery. I'd like Daisy Mae to finally get hitched. I'd like Miss Cookie to respond to my Vanity plate request for my Hummer "Bless Me'. Most of all, I'd like you to provide something for the smell that emanates from the back seat of the Vista Cruiser.

[BrotherLarry]

Re: Christmas Wish List 2017 - Ask Santa!

Dear Santa:


I have been a very intelligent, well-built, handsome, and GOOD certified equine gnathologist this past year. I do not ask for much this year but please provide all of the following if possible:


1. Lots of baby clothes for Mary Etheldreda's daughter, although she will tell you she doesn't need them. (Mary will say this, not the daughter)


2. A new outfit for church, suitable for someone of my stature.


3. Fruits and nuts


4. A response to my application for residency in Freehold, Iowa.


5. An iPhone X with JesOs installed.


Also, please bring lots of surprises. Be sure the poor children of the world are taken care of.


Sincerely, your pal,
Larry


PS: You didn't ever respond to my question about when I was a kid and I was on your lap and we were playing horsey and - well, you know the rest. I'm still curious.

[MitzaLizalor]

Re: Christmas Wish List 2017 - Ask Santa!

Yes, well the sooner polar bears go extinct the better.

I would like a couple of brace dressed goose (not those Canadian things, they're too tough) thanks. Last year the beef was excellent, prime ribs nicely hung and some more of that hand reared shoulder ham. Yummy all the way to January!

[Santa Claus]

Ho Ho Ho!

It's December 2017 and I'm on duty! How great is that? It's overcast here in my North Pole Headquarters but we're hoping to admire some stars later on! Things are not very good over here. Sea ice is disappearing every year. You might have heard how my favorite animal friends are starving.

I know that you have a lot of wishes for this Christmas! Ask me anything and I'll deliver something! It is not always what you want but what you need! I know that in this nice community most of the spinsters and a surprisingly high number of bachelors are asking for a man in their lives. Similarly, a few bachelors and quite many spinsters are requesting that I deliver a bride. Please, you should realize that I don't deliver people. Nor do I deliver wisdom, intelligence or peace of mind. You must ask the Jesus guy for those. I deliver goods. Jesus, incidentally, will get some appropriate toiletries with frankincense scent!



Keeping that in mind, feel free to ask me anything. Ho Ho Ho.