[Isabella White]

Re: ASK SANTA - THE 2020 GIFT REGISTRY!

Well, well, well; I see that we have an intruder sneaking his way into . "Santa", if you were coming here to learn about the saving Grace that is available through the precious of the and , , then I would welcome you with open arms. But, I think it's obvious to all, that you are here to have a bit of fun with the servants of Almighty . I'm afraid that you will have to get up much earlier in the morning if you think you can fool the people of at , Satan!

Dear Sinner,
It has come to our attention that you're deliberately spreading the Corona Plague, a disease, whose distribution should be left to Jesus. Moreover, you're wantonly infecting innocent children with it!You're interfering with Divine stuff that you have no understanding of. I have sent a letter to the Congress to revoke any licence you may have to enter the US airspace on Christmas Day. You really are a demon, aren't you!?



Yours in Christ,

Elmer

A-ha! This is just as I have suspected all along, dear Brother White! And how I do thank you for a confirmation that proves my suspicions. This Satan Claus is up to no good, and I hope that our beloved Congress will act quickly to banish him, and to prevent him from ever entering the blessed . Why, over in England, he's been pulling some pranks there, too, as you shall below, and we cannot take a chance that he will do the same here:

"Britain’s children have been told to leave out a substantial meal for Santa on Christmas Eve because a measly mince pie flouts the rules."

https://www.suffolkgazette.com/news/leave-santa-a-substantial-meal-or-he-cant-visit-next-week/?utm_source=mailpoet&utm_medium=email&utm_campaign=Santa+meal

Simply, there is no end to his treachery and deceit, and the sooner that our Congress -- and our glorious President Trump -- refuse him entry, then the better we shall be! Merry mas!

[MitzaLizalor]

Re: ASK SANTA - THE 2020 GIFT REGISTRY!

My innards have a hyperspatial bypass

I know this isn't a caption competition but I couldn't resist.

[Santa Claus]

Re: ASK SANTA - THE 2020 GIFT REGISTRY!

Dear Sinner,

It has come to our attention that you're deliberately spreading the Corona Plague, a disease, whose distribution should be left to Jesus. Moreover, you're wantonly infecting innocent children with it!You're interfering with Divine stuff that you have no understanding of. I have sent a letter to the Congress to revoke any licence you may have to enter the US airspace on Christmas Day. You really are a demon, aren't you!?



That said, I would not mind having a nice vintage KJV to add to my collection.

Zechariah 14:18
And if the family of Egypt go not up, and come not, that have no rain; there shall be the plague, wherewith the LORD will smite the heathen that come not up to keep the feast of tabernacles.




Yours in Christ,

Elmer

Ho-o-o Elmer. still tryin' to overwhelm her, aren't you! Y'all seem to think that because you engage in (a)moral panic on a regular basis that I should also become outraged or angry.
Santa is never ever angry. I like you kittens and pussycats too much! I also don't care if there are impostors dressed like me in Georgia or whatever. They all (most of them anyways) spread the good message about me and as a result, once again, even on this Forum, I am much more popular than Lil' Jesus and his Christmas thread!

OK, gifts. Elmer-boy, the sleep-your-hands-on-top-of-the-blanket kid. Once like that, always like that, aren't you. The KJV stock was unfortunately soiled during the cassowary incident, but I've got a couple of books that you'll LOVE!



Ho ho ho! And here's another one. A real vintage collectible! Shall be delivered to YOU THIS Christmas!

[Santa Claus]

Re: ASK SANTA - THE 2020 GIFT REGISTRY!

A-ha! This is just as I have suspected all along, dear Brother White! And how I do thank you for a confirmation that proves my suspicions. This Satan Claus is up to no good, and I hope that our beloved Congress will act quickly to banish him, and to prevent him from ever entering the blessed . Why, over in England, he's been pulling some pranks there, too, as you shall below, and we cannot take a chance that he will do the same here:

"Britain’s children have been told to leave out a substantial meal for Santa on Christmas Eve because a measly mince pie flouts the rules."

https://www.suffolkgazette.com/news/leave-santa-a-substantial-meal-or-he-cant-visit-next-week/?utm_source=mailpoet&utm_medium=email&utm_campaign=Santa+meal

Simply, there is no end to his treachery and deceit, and the sooner that our Congress -- and our glorious President Trump -- refuse him entry, then the better we shall be! Merry mas!

Ho-ho-ho Bella-lass. That is fake news. I'm more than satisfied with a tiny turkey or a cassowary drumstick (which will soon become abundant in your neighborhood). If you knew how much energy superspeed takes (we're talking about axion-level accelerations and quantum tunneling) you'd understand that a man's gotta eat.
But, of course I'll do something about that unfortunate and not too comely double chin of yours (OK, quadruple, but who's countin'). Because of the cassowaries, quite a few of the plastics melted in the resulting fire (there's now a plastic patch not only on the Pacific but under the North Pole Ice, I'm sorry to admit), but I've located a storehouse with vintage stuff that never got delivered so I have plenty of stock to satisfy the needs of the old and withered.



Just pull the cords and use the device whenever you leave your house and no-one can tell! Howdy-Ho!

[Santa Claus]

Re: Mitza being so witty that there is a loss of communications

I know this isn't a caption competition but I couldn't resist.

Dear Mitza, I have absolutely no idea of what you're talking about but that's not news when it comes to our relationship, is it? Fortunately, my reserves of vintage goods will be satisfactory to serve your needs, too! We've got some nice and cold (its about -22 outside) beverages to enhance your brain capacity and make you more intelligible to elfs and your favorite supernatural being - me!



That's a rare 1923 vintage le Pôle Nord appellation d'origine contrôlée! You won't get it from anywhere else. And this will get rid of that nasty ailment that prayers have hitherto failed to heal.

[Santa Claus]

Re: I'M GOOD TO GO! Mr. FAUCI GAVE ME THE VACCINE!

Ho-ho-ho kids and you childlike adults of this Forum! I'm good to go! I'm happy to tell you that I met Mr. Fauci the other day when he paid us a visit on the Pole!

“I took care of that for you,” he says. “…I took a trip up there to the North Pole; I went there and I vaccinated Santa Claus myself. I measured his level of immunity, and he is good to go.”

Nice Mr. Fauci also told me that I have innate immunity and can deliver the presents without any risks to the kids or you childlike adults of this Forum.
Mr. Fauci has probably been the nicest person of 2020 and I'm going to deliver him the most precious gift imaginable: 1st Class DeLuxe Genuine Plastic Santa Medal for his services to humankind! It is such a pleasure to see decency, courage and intelligence combined in his person during these days of naughtiness and discord! Ho ho ho!

[James Hutchins]

Re: ASK SANTA - THE 2020 GIFT REGISTRY!

I never got my catalog and obviously, even with Prime shipping, I am not going to get the present I wanted. Categorical proof there is no such thing as 'Santa Claus', more like 'Satan Fraud'.


It looks like I'll be spending another Christmas alone at the Bellagio with my nieces, Sandi and Mandi.

[Johny Joe Hold]

Re: ASK SANTA - THE 2020 GIFT REGISTRY!

Categorical proof there is no such thing as 'Santa Claus', more like 'Satan Fraud'.

I'm involved with finance at Land Over Baptist Church. Every year we find the money for new Escalades, one for each Pastor. It's pricy but we want good morale among our Pastors.

If there were a Santa Claus I think he would provide LBC with these vehicles. We wouldn't need to plead for tithes. I'm coming around to agree with you, Brother Hutchins. Santa Claus seems absent.

[Isabella White]

Re: ASK SANTA - THE 2020 GIFT REGISTRY!

I never got my catalog and obviously, even with Prime shipping, I am not going to get the present I wanted. Categorical proof there is no such thing as 'Santa Claus', more like 'Satan Fraud'.

Oh, you can say that again, dear Brother Hutchins! But, what else can we expect from someone who dresses up to excite innocent children, and then plays with snakes?

[Santa Claus]

Re: ASK SANTA - THE 2020 GIFT REGISTRY!

I never got my catalog and obviously, even with Prime shipping, I am not going to get the present I wanted. Categorical proof there is no such thing as 'Santa Claus', more like 'Satan Fraud'.

It looks like I'll be spending another Christmas alone at the Bellagio with my nieces, Sandi and Mandi.

Ho, Jamie-boy! You're upset and, as always, whining usually helps. Many boys of your age have moved on from whining but you still consider it a successful strategy to get what you want. You're right. Whining will get you things. Many children have discovered this timeless truth.

OK, here's a nice catalog just like the ones I delivered when you where a wee lad. You can choose not one, not two, but THREE genuine Barbies (in real or imitation plastics) and maybe next year we can discuss their wardrobes! Ho!

[Santa Claus]

Re: ASK SANTA - THE 2020 GIFT REGISTRY!

I'm involved with finance at Land Over Baptist Church. Every year we find the money for new Escalades, one for each Pastor. It's pricy but we want good morale among our Pastors.

If there were a Santa Claus I think he would provide LBC with these vehicles. We wouldn't need to plead for tithes. I'm coming around to agree with you, Brother Hutchins. Santa Claus seems absent.

Ho-ho-oh-oh, Johny, by Babeee! I can do! I'm feeling very magnanimous this Christmas with all the nasty stuff happening around and with the nice soothing after-effects of the Covid-vaccine still whirling around by system. Nothing to be afraid of regarding the vaccine. I have only very mild side-effects. There's some burning and flush on my arm at the point of the injection, some slight hoarseness and a sore throat. I'm also now a woman called Brenda.

And you'll get your Escalade utility vehicle and I located one that has your favorite color from the days when you so eagerly sat on my lap and rubbed you baby-boy pants against my crotch so forcefully that you had to be removed and it is only last year when the restraining order passed.



Ho, Merry Christmas!

[Santa Claus]

Re: ASK SANTA - THE 2020 GIFT REGISTRY!

Oh, you can say that again, dear Brother Hutchins! But, what else can we expect from someone who dresses up to excite innocent children, and then plays with snakes?

Bella, Ho! You're cute and you'd be even cuter if you started using that double-chin removal device I delivered. Just try it, please! Here's something special extra for you to help you along with your other endeavors, darling!

[gamer4Christ]

Re: ASK SANTA - THE 2020 GIFT REGISTRY!

Dear Santa:

I've probably been too nuahgty for physical gifts, but could you please give me some information? I'm asking about the second verse of "Silent Night":

Silent night, holy night!
Shepherds quake at the sight!
Glories stream from heaven afar;

What kind of Quakery are we talking about here? Was there rocket-jumping? Instagib mods/mutators? Was there capture the flag, and did Baby Jesus get to be the flag?

[Santa Claus]

Re: ASK SANTA - THE 2020 GIFT REGISTRY!

Dear Santa:

I've probably been too nuahgty for physical gifts, but could you please give me some information? I'm asking about the second verse of "Silent Night":

Silent night, holy night!
Shepherds quake at the sight!
Glories stream from heaven afar;

What kind of Quakery are we talking about here? Was there rocket-jumping? Instagib mods/mutators? Was there capture the flag, and did Baby Jesus get to be the flag?

Ho-ho-ho Gamer-boyo! You seem to think that I care about the theology that the sometimes nice and sometimes naughty Jesus-people discuss on this forum.
I don't.

My task is to assess the naughtiness index of each and every one on this planet and deliver gifts based on not only their wishes but their needs. The "Silent night" is far from silent when it comes to my workload. I have absolutely no objections to your questions aimed at trolling (you don't want to see the Real Trolls® on North Pole) but neither do I have any intention of answering them.

As for you, my tween darling, a gamer such as you has very very few opportunities to be naughty as they mostly spend their days as immovable as the next sea squirt. Ho, this means that you'll get presents! First, a selections of sewing pins so that you can do your theology and count how many angels can dance on each pin!





And last but far from least, a book that you gamers really really need. You can let your little friends borrow it once you've learned it by heart.



Ho, I'm preparing for my Day of Duty! So exciting every year. Ho!

[James Hutchins]

Re: ASK SANTA - THE 2020 GIFT REGISTRY!

Ho, Jamie-boy! You're upset and, as always, whining usually helps. Many boys of your age have moved on from whining but you still consider it a successful strategy to get what you want. You're right. Whining will get you things. Many children have discovered this timeless truth.

OK, here's a nice catalog just like the ones I delivered when you where a wee lad. You can choose not one, not two, but THREE genuine Barbies (in real or imitation plastics) and maybe next year we can discuss their wardrobes! Ho!

A 'Lane Bryant' Catalog.



I'll be swinging by the feed store to get you some warfin cookies.