[James Hutchins]

Re: ASK SANTA - THE 2020 GIFT REGISTRY!

Cookies! Ho ho ho but please don't misread 'warf' for 'warfarin' this time. Rudolf's internal bleeding the last time was so severe that we almost roasted him. Fortunately, he recovered and we stewed Nigel and Rover instead. Btw, does anyone fancy frozen cassowary? We do have a surplus due to recent debacles. Ho.

No need for the winter whites this year.

[Santa Claus]

Re: ASK SANTA - THE 2020 GIFT REGISTRY!

Ho, please be reminded that I do not deliver people or abstract concepts ("love", "peace of mind", etc.).

Santa, I have a gift request: can 2020 be the year NORAD finally wises up and uses a Stinger missile to knock a certain sleigh-flying communist out of the sky to his bloody DEATH and ETERNAL DAMNATION?

Dennis Darling! Ho to you! "Wising up" is an abstraction and thus excluded from the list of potential gifts. Does it come in genuine plastic? It doesn't and that's why the Pope still lack all charisma and Slovenian top models still marry for money and not for love.

That said, you do deserve some gifts based on what you need. You'll just love this oyster mushroom growing kit in rainbow colors. And if you continue to be nice in 2021, I just might deliver a Blue Oyster one next year! How awesome is that.



And to supplement that fabulous gift, here's something in plastic! Tunnels to insert gerbils and hamsters.



This will give you hours and hours on incomparable FUN! I'm on top of the world this year, aren't I! In fact, I'm there all the time (the North Pole, you know). Ho for now. See you soon!

[Santa Claus]

Re: ASK SANTA - THE 2020 GIFT REGISTRY!

A 'Lane Bryant' Catalog.

I'll be swinging by the feed store to get you some warfin cookies.

Cookies! Ho ho ho but please don't misread 'warf' for 'warfarin' this time. Rudolf's internal bleeding the last time was so severe that we almost roasted him. Fortunately, he recovered and we stewed Nigel and Rover instead. Btw, does anyone fancy frozen cassowary? We do have a surplus due to recent debacles. Ho.

[Dennis Lukes]

Re: ASK SANTA - THE 2020 GIFT REGISTRY!

Santa, I have a gift request: can 2020 be the year NORAD finally wises up and uses a Stinger missile to knock a certain sleigh-flying communist out of the sky to his bloody DEATH and ETERNAL DAMNATION?

[James Hutchins]

Re: ASK SANTA - THE 2020 GIFT REGISTRY!

Ho, Jamie-boy! You're upset and, as always, whining usually helps. Many boys of your age have moved on from whining but you still consider it a successful strategy to get what you want. You're right. Whining will get you things. Many children have discovered this timeless truth.

OK, here's a nice catalog just like the ones I delivered when you where a wee lad. You can choose not one, not two, but THREE genuine Barbies (in real or imitation plastics) and maybe next year we can discuss their wardrobes! Ho!

A 'Lane Bryant' Catalog.



I'll be swinging by the feed store to get you some warfin cookies.

[Santa Claus]

Re: ASK SANTA - THE 2020 GIFT REGISTRY!

Dear Santa:

I've probably been too nuahgty for physical gifts, but could you please give me some information? I'm asking about the second verse of "Silent Night":

Silent night, holy night!
Shepherds quake at the sight!
Glories stream from heaven afar;

What kind of Quakery are we talking about here? Was there rocket-jumping? Instagib mods/mutators? Was there capture the flag, and did Baby Jesus get to be the flag?

Ho-ho-ho Gamer-boyo! You seem to think that I care about the theology that the sometimes nice and sometimes naughty Jesus-people discuss on this forum.
I don't.

My task is to assess the naughtiness index of each and every one on this planet and deliver gifts based on not only their wishes but their needs. The "Silent night" is far from silent when it comes to my workload. I have absolutely no objections to your questions aimed at trolling (you don't want to see the Real Trolls® on North Pole) but neither do I have any intention of answering them.

As for you, my tween darling, a gamer such as you has very very few opportunities to be naughty as they mostly spend their days as immovable as the next sea squirt. Ho, this means that you'll get presents! First, a selections of sewing pins so that you can do your theology and count how many angels can dance on each pin!





And last but far from least, a book that you gamers really really need. You can let your little friends borrow it once you've learned it by heart.



Ho, I'm preparing for my Day of Duty! So exciting every year. Ho!

[gamer4Christ]

Re: ASK SANTA - THE 2020 GIFT REGISTRY!

Dear Santa:

I've probably been too nuahgty for physical gifts, but could you please give me some information? I'm asking about the second verse of "Silent Night":

Silent night, holy night!
Shepherds quake at the sight!
Glories stream from heaven afar;

What kind of Quakery are we talking about here? Was there rocket-jumping? Instagib mods/mutators? Was there capture the flag, and did Baby Jesus get to be the flag?

[Santa Claus]

Re: ASK SANTA - THE 2020 GIFT REGISTRY!

Oh, you can say that again, dear Brother Hutchins! But, what else can we expect from someone who dresses up to excite innocent children, and then plays with snakes?

Bella, Ho! You're cute and you'd be even cuter if you started using that double-chin removal device I delivered. Just try it, please! Here's something special extra for you to help you along with your other endeavors, darling!

[Santa Claus]

Re: ASK SANTA - THE 2020 GIFT REGISTRY!

I'm involved with finance at Land Over Baptist Church. Every year we find the money for new Escalades, one for each Pastor. It's pricy but we want good morale among our Pastors.

If there were a Santa Claus I think he would provide LBC with these vehicles. We wouldn't need to plead for tithes. I'm coming around to agree with you, Brother Hutchins. Santa Claus seems absent.

Ho-ho-oh-oh, Johny, by Babeee! I can do! I'm feeling very magnanimous this Christmas with all the nasty stuff happening around and with the nice soothing after-effects of the Covid-vaccine still whirling around by system. Nothing to be afraid of regarding the vaccine. I have only very mild side-effects. There's some burning and flush on my arm at the point of the injection, some slight hoarseness and a sore throat. I'm also now a woman called Brenda.

And you'll get your Escalade utility vehicle and I located one that has your favorite color from the days when you so eagerly sat on my lap and rubbed you baby-boy pants against my crotch so forcefully that you had to be removed and it is only last year when the restraining order passed.



Ho, Merry Christmas!

[Santa Claus]

Re: ASK SANTA - THE 2020 GIFT REGISTRY!

I never got my catalog and obviously, even with Prime shipping, I am not going to get the present I wanted. Categorical proof there is no such thing as 'Santa Claus', more like 'Satan Fraud'.

It looks like I'll be spending another Christmas alone at the Bellagio with my nieces, Sandi and Mandi.

Ho, Jamie-boy! You're upset and, as always, whining usually helps. Many boys of your age have moved on from whining but you still consider it a successful strategy to get what you want. You're right. Whining will get you things. Many children have discovered this timeless truth.

OK, here's a nice catalog just like the ones I delivered when you where a wee lad. You can choose not one, not two, but THREE genuine Barbies (in real or imitation plastics) and maybe next year we can discuss their wardrobes! Ho!

[Isabella White]

Re: ASK SANTA - THE 2020 GIFT REGISTRY!

I never got my catalog and obviously, even with Prime shipping, I am not going to get the present I wanted. Categorical proof there is no such thing as 'Santa Claus', more like 'Satan Fraud'.

Oh, you can say that again, dear Brother Hutchins! But, what else can we expect from someone who dresses up to excite innocent children, and then plays with snakes?

[Johny Joe Hold]

Re: ASK SANTA - THE 2020 GIFT REGISTRY!

Categorical proof there is no such thing as 'Santa Claus', more like 'Satan Fraud'.

I'm involved with finance at Land Over Baptist Church. Every year we find the money for new Escalades, one for each Pastor. It's pricy but we want good morale among our Pastors.

If there were a Santa Claus I think he would provide LBC with these vehicles. We wouldn't need to plead for tithes. I'm coming around to agree with you, Brother Hutchins. Santa Claus seems absent.

[James Hutchins]

Re: ASK SANTA - THE 2020 GIFT REGISTRY!

I never got my catalog and obviously, even with Prime shipping, I am not going to get the present I wanted. Categorical proof there is no such thing as 'Santa Claus', more like 'Satan Fraud'.


It looks like I'll be spending another Christmas alone at the Bellagio with my nieces, Sandi and Mandi.

[Santa Claus]

Re: I'M GOOD TO GO! Mr. FAUCI GAVE ME THE VACCINE!

Ho-ho-ho kids and you childlike adults of this Forum! I'm good to go! I'm happy to tell you that I met Mr. Fauci the other day when he paid us a visit on the Pole!

“I took care of that for you,” he says. “…I took a trip up there to the North Pole; I went there and I vaccinated Santa Claus myself. I measured his level of immunity, and he is good to go.”

Nice Mr. Fauci also told me that I have innate immunity and can deliver the presents without any risks to the kids or you childlike adults of this Forum.
Mr. Fauci has probably been the nicest person of 2020 and I'm going to deliver him the most precious gift imaginable: 1st Class DeLuxe Genuine Plastic Santa Medal for his services to humankind! It is such a pleasure to see decency, courage and intelligence combined in his person during these days of naughtiness and discord! Ho ho ho!

[Santa Claus]

Re: Mitza being so witty that there is a loss of communications

I know this isn't a caption competition but I couldn't resist.

Dear Mitza, I have absolutely no idea of what you're talking about but that's not news when it comes to our relationship, is it? Fortunately, my reserves of vintage goods will be satisfactory to serve your needs, too! We've got some nice and cold (its about -22 outside) beverages to enhance your brain capacity and make you more intelligible to elfs and your favorite supernatural being - me!



That's a rare 1923 vintage le Pôle Nord appellation d'origine contrôlée! You won't get it from anywhere else. And this will get rid of that nasty ailment that prayers have hitherto failed to heal.