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Merry CHRISTmas - You are UNDER ARREST (again)
Well folks it's happened AGAIN. I was arrested for rebuking Christmas Carolers and beating up Santa and his minions.
There I was in the Mall in Des Moines. I was picking up the tie I had special ordered for Pastor Zeke from J.C. Penney's. Only they had sent it to the wrong one so instead of it going to the Penney's in Christ on the Cross Mall in Leviticus Landing it got sent to some Hellbound one in Des Moines.
Anyway, I go into Penney's and get my purchase. "Happy Holidays" chirps the JC Penney's clerk as I walk out into the mall. This incenses me! Happy Holidays my rump! This is JESUS' BIRTHDAY!
As I'm walking down the hall I decide to see what other stores are available in the Mall. When lo and behold there they are. A group of Christmas Carolers dressed in old fashioned clothes singing "Santa Clause is Coming to Town". Beside them was a set up with the perverted Mall Santa and his disgusting little elves. There was a line of children to see him that was about a city block long.
I was OUTRAGED that this Mall was taking CHRIST out of CHRISTmas! How dare these secular shopping Malls teach children that Santa is the reason for the Season when JESUS is the REASON FOR THE SEASON. I was even more outraged that these children were all taking turns climbing into Santa's lap. I think he was nibbling on their ears. Some children cried, but others squealed and wriggled with delight and jumped off his lap with a beaming smile on their face! PERVERTS!
I'm standing there looking on to this atrocity in HORROR and DISGUST!
Just then the Carolers came prancing over to me singing "Have a Holly Jolly CHRISTmas". I was consumed with righteous RAGE that they were blasphoming our LORD and HIS BIRTHDAY!
I whipped out my mace and sprayed them right in the face! I kicked a few and then started swinging my over-sized Bible bag at them. 'HOW DARE YOU TAKE CHRIST OUT OUT CHRISTMAS" I screamed at them! Then I pushed everyone who was in my path out of my way! I was out to get Santa and his demonic little elves!
I pushed off the kid who was on his lap and he landed with a thud. He started crying. His Mom rushed over to help, she got a GODLY dose of mace right between her eyes! Then I grabbed Santa by his collar and started screaming in his face that he was destroying JESUS' BIRTHDAY! Then I maced him in the face.
About now his demonic little demon elves are trying to pull me off Santa. I turn around and start pummeling them with my book bag. When they fall to the ground I start kicking and screaming the JESUS IS THE REASON FOR THE SEASON!!! HOW DARE THEY TAKE THE CHRIST OUT OF CHRISTMAS!
By now Santa has managed to run limping off into the horrified looking crowd. The Carolers and the elves are laying on the floor moaning, bloodied and crying. I notice all the kids and parents standing in line are screaming and crying. They should have been grateful I was defending JESUS' BIRTHDAY for crying out loud! This makes me even more enraged!
Winded, I grab a kid and ask him what he is crying about. I start shaking him asking him WHY he doesn't love JESUS? WHYYYYYYYY? "You are ALLLLLLL going to HELL for worshipping SANTA I scream at the crowd!"
As I was fumbling with my mace to spray his horrified Mom in the eyes about 3 Mall Cops come running over and tackle me. Then a few minutes more some Sheriff's officers were descending upon me! They broke a nail on my right hand as they crudely and roughly slapped cuffs on me. They had to carry me out the awaiting police cruiser. I screamed and yelled the entire way that everybody in that mall WAS GOING STRAIGHT TO HELL!
As I sat in the hand cuffed and FURIOUS in the police cruiser I saw several ambulances lined up and some wimpy people being put in to them on gurneys. What a bunch of wimps..... and don't they know they DESERVED it for worshipping SATAN?
There were what seems like hundreds of people lined up on the sidewalk staring at me as the cruiser drove off. I looked as many of them as I could in the eye and mouthed to them that they were GOING TO HELL!
My Joo lawyer came and got me out a few hours later. I think I may really be in trouble this time folks. Please I need your prayers that I will get off in the name of JESUS. I may also need some donations if some of those Satan whorshipers decide to sue me for their injuries (they brought on themselves.)
With L
ve
Sister Thumper
MERRY CHRISTmas
There I was in the Mall in Des Moines. I was picking up the tie I had special ordered for Pastor Zeke from J.C. Penney's. Only they had sent it to the wrong one so instead of it going to the Penney's in Christ on the Cross Mall in Leviticus Landing it got sent to some Hellbound one in Des Moines.
Anyway, I go into Penney's and get my purchase. "Happy Holidays" chirps the JC Penney's clerk as I walk out into the mall. This incenses me! Happy Holidays my rump! This is JESUS' BIRTHDAY!
As I'm walking down the hall I decide to see what other stores are available in the Mall. When lo and behold there they are. A group of Christmas Carolers dressed in old fashioned clothes singing "Santa Clause is Coming to Town". Beside them was a set up with the perverted Mall Santa and his disgusting little elves. There was a line of children to see him that was about a city block long.
I was OUTRAGED that this Mall was taking CHRIST out of CHRISTmas! How dare these secular shopping Malls teach children that Santa is the reason for the Season when JESUS is the REASON FOR THE SEASON. I was even more outraged that these children were all taking turns climbing into Santa's lap. I think he was nibbling on their ears. Some children cried, but others squealed and wriggled with delight and jumped off his lap with a beaming smile on their face! PERVERTS!
I'm standing there looking on to this atrocity in HORROR and DISGUST!
Just then the Carolers came prancing over to me singing "Have a Holly Jolly CHRISTmas". I was consumed with righteous RAGE that they were blasphoming our LORD and HIS BIRTHDAY!
I whipped out my mace and sprayed them right in the face! I kicked a few and then started swinging my over-sized Bible bag at them. 'HOW DARE YOU TAKE CHRIST OUT OUT CHRISTMAS" I screamed at them! Then I pushed everyone who was in my path out of my way! I was out to get Santa and his demonic little elves!
I pushed off the kid who was on his lap and he landed with a thud. He started crying. His Mom rushed over to help, she got a GODLY dose of mace right between her eyes!
Then I grabbed Santa by his collar and started screaming in his face that he was destroying JESUS' BIRTHDAY! Then I maced him in the face. About now his demonic little demon elves are trying to pull me off Santa. I turn around and start pummeling them with my book bag. When they fall to the ground I start kicking and screaming the JESUS IS THE REASON FOR THE SEASON!!! HOW DARE THEY TAKE THE CHRIST OUT OF CHRISTMAS!
By now Santa has managed to run limping off into the horrified looking crowd. The Carolers and the elves are laying on the floor moaning, bloodied and crying. I notice all the kids and parents standing in line are screaming and crying.
They should have been grateful I was defending JESUS' BIRTHDAY for crying out loud! This makes me even more enraged!Winded, I grab a kid and ask him what he is crying about. I start shaking him asking him WHY he doesn't love JESUS? WHYYYYYYYY? "You are ALLLLLLL going to HELL for worshipping SANTA I scream at the crowd!"
As I was fumbling with my mace to spray his horrified Mom in the eyes about 3 Mall Cops come running over and tackle me. Then a few minutes more some Sheriff's officers were descending upon me! They broke a nail on my right hand as they crudely and roughly slapped cuffs on me. They had to carry me out the awaiting police cruiser. I screamed and yelled the entire way that everybody in that mall WAS GOING STRAIGHT TO HELL!
As I sat in the hand cuffed and FURIOUS in the police cruiser I saw several ambulances lined up and some wimpy people being put in to them on gurneys. What a bunch of wimps..... and don't they know they DESERVED it for worshipping SATAN?
There were what seems like hundreds of people lined up on the sidewalk staring at me as the cruiser drove off. I looked as many of them as I could in the eye and mouthed to them that they were GOING TO HELL!
My Joo lawyer came and got me out a few hours later. I think I may really be in trouble this time folks. Please I need your prayers that I will get off in the name of JESUS. I may also need some donations if some of those Satan whorshipers decide to sue me for their injuries (they brought on themselves.)
With L
veSister Thumper
MERRY CHRISTmas
Jesus!
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