Best Man Questions

[Brother_Percy]

My best friend from my school days has recently asked me to be the 'Best Man' at his wedding. I haven't seen him in quite a few years, so I had never met his intended.... until last weekend.

Imagine my 'surprise' when I found out he was marrying a negress. I suppose it's better than a fag or Joo wedding, but I still don't feel entirely comfortable with it. I don't want to sound racist or nothin', but it'd be like getting hitched to the hired help, if you know what I mean. God sent those people to be our slaves after all.

I suppose I can think of loads of good jokes for my 'Best Man Speech', and I could even stomach the fried chicken and wattymelon they'll probably be having at the reception. But to me it just doesn't seem right. What if she's got him under some sort or negra voodoo spell? How do I tell?

Does anyone have any advice on this matter? Should I try to talk him out of it?

[Deaner]

Re: Best Man Questions

Imagine my 'surprise' when I found out he was marrying a negress.

Does anyone have any advice on this matter? Should I try to talk him out of it?

Hmm...good question. Is she an ex-negro; in other words has she been saved?

[SayvedByTheLord]

Re: Best Man Questions

My best friend from my school days has recently asked me to be the 'Best Man' at his wedding. I haven't seen him in quite a few years, so I had never met his intended.... until last weekend.

Imagine my 'surprise' when I found out he was marrying a negress. I suppose it's better than a fag or Joo wedding, but I still don't feel entirely comfortable with it. I don't want to sound racist or nothin', but it'd be like getting hitched to the hired help, if you know what I mean. God sent those people to be our slaves after all.

I suppose I can think of loads of good jokes for my 'Best Man Speech', and I could even stomach the fried chicken and wattymelon they'll probably be having at the reception. But to me it just doesn't seem right. What if she's got him under some sort or negra voodoo spell? How do I tell?

Does anyone have any advice on this matter? Should I try to talk him out of it?

This is most certainly a question for Brother Remy. He will be able to explain it in True Christian terms

[Roberta]

Re: Best Man Questions

Dear Brother Percy,

Since the bride's family generally handles the wedding reception you are probably correct about the food, but fried chicken, greens and watermelon could be quite enjoyable on a hot summer afternoon. You did not mention the music though--$.50, young buck and m&m could make for a tedious evening.

Regarding the marriage itself--these are two consenting adults and miscegenation is now legal in all 50 states. I have seen some high yellow women who are quite pretty. What bothers me most is that marriage is about procreation and most parties to interracial marriage never consider the fact that offspring could accidentally result. Read Osamba's autobiography and you will learn that even his grandmother despised him!

It does not matter that the parents provide a loving and nurturing home if their mulatto children come home in tears because they are not accepted by either euro or african american classmates. The feelings of half breed kids are only rarely taken into consideration.

These kind of marriages are most successful when one or both of the parties undergoes sterilization. This is something the priest or pastor should discuss with them beforehand. In this instance, because of the bride's racial (and consequently sexual) heritage, having her spaded would be best. Unless you have seen your buddy in the shower and can attest to his manly attributes, you have to figure that sooner or later the wife will want to back up to a heavily hung Hamite. This cannot be helped-it's a genetic characteristic that resulted from eons of jungle mating.

You should definitely seek the counsel of Brother Remy. Unlike Osamba he was able to marry upwardly. I doubt, however, that Remy's lovely blonde wife has any desire to give birth to a baby octoroon! They are probably waiting until a geneticist can clone the white portion of Remey's DNA.

Robbie

[Eugene Hackwith]

Re: Best Man Questions

Oh, just imagine the little half-breed children they'll no doubt have! They'll be light skinned, which will allow them to shoplift more effectively. If you're in a position in this man's life where he asks you to be his best man, I'd warn him about what he's getting himself into.

[Nobar King]

Re: Best Man Questions

I'd like to see a picture of the woman before I offer any advice.

[Roberta]

Re: Best Man Questions

Have you met the soul sister yet? What are you going to do about the best man thing?

You will be responsible for the wedding ring. Did you ask whether it's for her finger or her nose?

[Rev. M. Rodimer]

Re: Best Man Questions

Brother Percy, here's the decision-making process I'd use:

First, I'd recall that the only kind of marriage which is recognized by God is a True Christian(tm) wedding.

First question: Is your friend Saved(c), or is he Hellbound?

If he is Hellbound, then there's not much point in even having a wedding that God will not recognize.

Let's assume he is Saved(c).

Is the Nigress Saved(c)? For it is written,

2 Corinthians 6:14

Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers: for what fellowship hath righteousness with unrighteousness? and what communion hath light with darkness?

We know she's dark, but that doesn't mean she's "darkness". She could well be from a fine, upstanding ex-Negro family, or she could be a first-generation ex-Negro.

If the Nigress is Saved(c), then there is no reason for you to do anything unusual (except perhaps cut your hair ). You can also expect quite decent human food at the reception.

If, on the other hand, she is unSaved Trash, then I would suggest that you explain to the groom that you are not comfortable participating in an abomination before God. Aiding and abetting in such an unholy union would be exactly, in God's eyes, like providing guns and instructions to a terrorist, or turning off the security cameras for a shoplifter, or allowing your local department store to freely sell mixed-fabric clothing instead of burning it down.


I suggest you find out the facts, then either participate in the joyous union of two True Christians(tm), or use the occasion as an opportunity to witness the Love of Jesus, and teach your friend AND his Nigress about the opportunity for Salvation(tm) in front of them.

[Nobar King]

Re: Best Man Questions

That woman has gold fortune cookies hanging from her ears!

[Brother_Percy]

Re: Best Man Questions

Hmmm... I'm still confused on this matter. I know my best friend is a good Christian, but I can't understand why he couldn't just find a normal bride. My nightnares just keep getting worse and worse the more I think about this! Will she be wearing a white wedding dress? Or will it be poop-colored? Will there be kids shooting-up crack in the Church? Will my car get jacked at the wedding? Will there be drive-by shootings?

Does anyone know what happens at a negro Church? I've never been to a darkie one before... they WILL be Baptist? Won't they? Heaven forbid I get there, and they're dancing around a fire with bones through their noses! I also know it's tradition for the Bride's family that pay for the wedding, so it'll probably be cheap. Will the Pastor be a negro too? All this worry's giving me an ulcer!

[Remy Lebeau]

Re: Best Man Questions

There are some pressing issues that need to be addressed here. I will guide you through a process designed to guide your friend toward the right decision.

1.) What are we looking at here?
a.) Is his wife to be a fair skinned mulatto or octoroon with normal facial features
b.) Is she a tar complexioned, velcro headed, yellow eyed, wide nostrilled, inner tube lipped, stand up bootied, jungle bunny that looks like she could have stepped off the boat from war torn Zimbabwe?

If you answered A, continue.
If you answered B, STOP!!! Your friend is a homer who has probably dabbled in bestiality before he finally got caught and lost his job at the local Zoo’s gorilla exhibit.


2.) Who are we talking about here?
a.) Is this woman a tan, butter caramel, or fried chicken golden browned True Christian white woman?
b.) Is this sow a nigress?

If you answered A, continue
If you answered B, STOP!!! I’ve seen a lot of troubling information being passed here. First of all, if it is a nigress she cannot be Saved. An ex-nigress is NOT a nigress. An ex-nigress is a FORMER nigress who was washed white and sparkly in the blood of Jesus. So if we are stating that this woman is a nigress then she is unsaved trash.


3.) OK, so we should be in the clear except for on finally issue. What is her family like?
a.) Is her family godly, hard working, taxpaying whites - some of which being ex-negroes?
b.) Is her “fambly” a pack of welfare dependent, shuckin and jiving, watermelon gorging, Vietnamese hair weave wearing porch monkeys?

If you answered A, congratulations are in order. The Landover Baptist Ex-Negro Ministry will schedule her for testing to verify her godliness, for a nominal fee. Once she has been approved by a preselected council of senior pastors she will be issued an official certificate of whitehood. At this time your friend, assuming he is a True Christian, will be offered the honor of having a True Christian Pastor perform his wedding. Thus making the nuptial true and blue in Jesus’ eyes.

If you answered B, congratulations and… not so much congratulations. By no fault of your friend’s butter caramel white wife, his in-laws are unsaved trash. My advice would be for her to disown her ghetto “fambly” members. That’s what I did. But if he is a softy or his wife to be becomes a crying mess when asked to cut ties with her “fambly”, make sure you construct barriers to separate your family from her “fambly”. It will protect the normal attendees from the jigaboos and their jungle bunny brawler antics.

Don’t let THIS happen to your friend’s wedding. Man oh man, are nigra hideous or are they hideous?!?! I wasn't sure if that sow bride was a nigress or a bubble lipped jungle panther.