If You are REALLY Christian Women...

[BrotherLarry]

I rebuke you in Jesus' Name. If you are really Christian women, you should be discussing holy topics such as how to serve your husbands, Thanksgiving recipes, hairstyles that please your men, sewing, knitting, crocheting, and where to buy non-mixed fabrics.


Who really cares about your personal tragedies. So your husband was murdered by a paid assailant at a rally. BIG DEAL. Jesus is coming soon. Where are your sheaves? Are you bringing them in, ladies?


So you popped out a soldier for Christ. Well, PRAISE GOD for that. As long as his name doesn't make him out to be a faggot (by calling him something like Lance or Bruce or Porter), WHO CARES? Souls are headed for hell and husbands are hungry for pie. Priorities, please!


I am frankly beginning to have negative feelings toward the weaker gender. You're failing to do what my loving God, my Savior, my healer, my soon-coming KING has asked you to do. I get more satisfaction from my animals.


Remember God's warnings to those who do not follow His laws. Remember that His punishments are everlasting and never changing.


May God change your hearts and return you to the lifestyles He intended. I haven't even heard recent mention of meditations that took place in the menstra-hut like we used to. Are you not praying? Are you not meditating? Did you have a hysterialectomy?


Stupid women. I'm going to go pray for strength.

[handmaiden]

Re: If You are REALLY Christian Women...

I rebuke you in Jesus' Name. If you are really Christian women, you should be discussing holy topics such as how to serve your husbands, Thanksgiving recipes, hairstyles that please your men, sewing, knitting, crocheting, and where to buy non-mixed fabrics.



Stupid women. I'm going to go pray for strength.

Do pray for strength, BrotherLarry. Christian women do so all the time.


Politely Yours,


Handmaiden

[Anne Sayne]

Re: If You are REALLY Christian Women...

Brother Larry, thank you for reminding everyone! I was promoted to forum member for a reason (so was everyone who was raised to forum member) and you cannot abuse that ability. I say that if a woman DOESN'T speak about something important such as parenting, baking, ect. then she should probably deserve an infraction.

And my apologies for asking about baby names, you suggested it on my introduction

And don't give up on the lesser sex just yet. Some of us are still faithful to God and have not turned to the dark religion of feminism

[Didymus Much]

Re: If You are REALLY Christian Women...

...you cannot abuse that ability...And don't give up on the lesser sex just yet...

Telling a True Christian(tm) man what to do?


Why not save some time and have George's whupping paddle ready for when he gets home?

[Mary Etheldreda]

Re: If You are REALLY Christian Women...

I rebuke you in Jesus' Name.

Well earned and humbly accepted, my dear friend and brother in Christ. The Holy Bible tells us very near the beginning that girl children are an embarrassment to the family, and so the mother's shame for having gone through the dishonor, pain, and messiness of birth is twice as much for producing a girl after all that trouble (Leviticus 12:2-5).

From the very early days of the church, we can see various sermons reminding women congregants to mind their places, and men congregants of the dangers of the women among them:

• Woman is a temple built over a sewer. –Tertullian, “the father of Latin Christianity” (c160-225)
• [Women’s] very consciousness of their own nature must evoke feelings of shame.–Saint Clement of Alexandria, Christian theologian (c150-215): Pedagogues II, 33, 2
• Nor are the women to smear their faces with the ensnaring devices of wily cunning. . . The Instructor [Christ] orders them to go forth “in becoming apparel, and adorn themselves with shamefacedness and sobriety, subject to their own husbands.” –Saint Clement of Alexandria, Christian theologian (c150-215): The Instructor
• In pain shall you bring forth children, woman, and you shall turn to your husband and he shall rule over you. And do you not know that you are Eve? God’s sentence hangs still over all your sex and His punishment weighs down upon you. You are the devil’s gateway; you are she who first violated the forbidden tree and broke the law of God. It was you who coaxed your way around him whom the devil had not the force to attack. With what ease you shattered that image of God: Man! Because of the death you merited, even the Son of God had to die… Woman, you are the gate to hell. –Tertullian, “the father of Latin Christianity” (c160-225): On the Apparel of Women, chapter 1
• For it is improper for a woman to speak in an assembly, no matter what she says,
• even if she says admirable things, or even saintly things, that is of little
• consequence, since they come from the mouth of a woman. –Origen (d. 258): Fragments on First Corinthians, 74
• Woman does not possess the image of God in herself but only when taken together
• with the male who is her head, so that the whole substance is one image. But
• when she is assigned the role as helpmate, a function that pertains to her
• alone, then she is not the image of God. But as far as the man is concerned, he
• is by himself alone the image of God just as fully and completely as when he and
• the woman are joined together into one. –Saint Augustine, Bishop of Hippo Regius (354-430)
• What is the difference whether it is in a wife or a mother, it is still Eve the temptress that we must beware of in any woman… I fail to see what use woman can be to man, if one excludes the function of bearing children. –Saint Augustine, Bishop of Hippo Regius (354 – 430): De genesi ad litteram, 9, 5-9

"Woman, you are the gate to hell."

On behalf of all women, I apologize.

[handmaiden]

Re: If You are REALLY Christian Women...

On behalf of all women, I apologize.

Simple and profound, Sister. And such a bold departure from all that liberal "Christian" nonsense about Jesus being a feminist.


What women really need to hear is the Truth about the Bible. Once they truly understand their place in God's Great Scheme, they can lay down their hearts and rest, or take to their feet and walk.


Of course, the only path they can walk that doesn't have the Bible as their guide is the path to hell. But if a girl refuses to listen to the Bible on what it means to be a woman, is she really going to listen to what it says about hell?


Not Hell Boundedly Yours,


Handmaiden


Psss-- are we allowed to talk about our menstrual problems in here? I thought that's why we had a Prayer Shack.

[Joanna Lytton-Vasey]

Re: If You are REALLY Christian Women...

Thank you, Brother Larry, for reminding us of our lowly place in God's Holy Scheme of All Things.

Humbly yours in Christ,
Joanna

<Posted via JesOS and NOT using some homo-metro-hyper-sexual iPod>

[BrotherLarry]

Re: If You are REALLY Christian Women...

I hope you aren't all moping around somewhere holding grudges like you are prone to do.


You know you're all my one and only.


I still watch over every one of you to make sure you're safe and doing the things you're supposed to do.


I mean, Jesus watches you.

[handmaiden]

Re: If You are REALLY Christian Women...

I hope you aren't all moping around somewhere holding grudges like you are prone to do.


You know you're all my one and only.


I still watch over every one of you to make sure you're safe and doing the things you're supposed to do.


I mean, Jesus watches you.

Can Jesus advise me on feminine hygiene products? Because I really need an answer to my question on post #6.


Tastefully Yours,


Handmaiden

[BrotherLarry]

Re: If You are REALLY Christian Women...

Can Jesus advise me on feminine hygiene products? Because I really need an answer to my question on post #6.


Tastefully Yours,


Handmaiden

Sister,
As long as you post a warning to the menfolk, you can talk about anything you want. It's just that this board has been abandoning its true purpose lately and we need to see some more womanly chats that show you understand your purpose for being.


The men check this board out for your safety, but you are discouraged from visiting the men's board so you aren't offended by our manly businesslike serious discussions. Offended why? Because you wouldn't understand all the technical terminology we use.
BrotherLarry

[handmaiden]

Re: If You are REALLY Christian Women...

Sister,
As long as you post a warning to the menfolk, you can talk about anything you want. It's just that this board has been abandoning its true purpose lately and we need to see some more womanly chats that show you understand your purpose for being.


The men check this board out for your safety, but you are discouraged from visiting the men's board so you aren't offended by our manly businesslike serious discussions. Offended why? Because you wouldn't understand all the technical terminology we use.
BrotherLarry

Warning Posted












Sisters, I am having a little problem with this. Because it is all so technical, do you think that we should ask for our menfolk's input? Also, I am very concerned about being a REAL Christian woman, so naturally, I have questions.





Because God parted the Red Sea, and Jesus walked on the sea, it would seem to me that lady products from the sea have His Seal of Approval. What do you think?


Innocently Yours,


Handmaiden
P.S. To any brothers reading-- I really did try to post a bigger, more intimidating warning, but because I am so lacking in technological understanding, it didn't work out.

[Joanna Lytton-Vasey]

Re: If You are REALLY Christian Women...

<shocking images redacted>

Because God parted the Red Sea, and Jesus walked on the sea, it would seem to me that lady products from the sea have His Seal of Approval. What do you think?

Sister, I am appalled! Have you lost your mind????? What's wrong with a good old-fashioned menstrual rag, as used for generations - in my own family, quite literally so, as they are passed down from grandmother to granddaughter.

DO NOT EVEN THINK OF SHOVING ANYTHING "UP THERE"!!!!!

[handmaiden]

Re: If You are REALLY Christian Women...

Sister, I am appalled! Have you lost your mind????? What's wrong with a good old-fashioned menstrual rag, as used for generations - in my own family, quite literally so, as they are passed down from grandmother to granddaughter.

DO NOT EVEN THINK OF SHOVING ANYTHING "UP THERE"!!!!!

Whew! Thank you, Sister Joanna! I am so very grateful for the Godly advice. It gets so confusing, trying to be a Real Christian woman. I really did imagine that God would have blessed any sea sponges that could be certified as having been culled from the Holy Land, er, sea. (Silly me. Sponges don't grow on land. . . I think.)


Forsooth, you have provided counsel, and I will give heed. You are so blessed to have such a rich family tradition, my own mother was orphaned, so I don't have any of her rags.


You know, there is another question that has troubled me. We know, of course, that God's Direct Word, the Bible, has been given to His obedient ones so that they can follow its every word and thus demonstrate to the world that He is Perfect and All knowing. Really, everything we do in our lives is a reflection on Him.


It is clearly indicated in His Word that women are to be kept apart during their unclean time. That's why we have a prayer shack, after all (BrotherLarry). What I don't recall reading is exactly what substances we are to use to manage our uncleanliness. Certainly, no mixed linen and wool fabrics, as in the aforementioned rags. The Bible commands us to avoid such things in our outerwear, so it's easy to work that one out.


But, I can't seem to find an exact verse offering an exact recommendation. The subject in general seems to occupy at least some of God's time. He commands women to stay apart from men and their foodstuffs and the like. We, or rather, our men, are commanded to refrain from relations of certain sorts with us until the appropriate number of days after our uncleanness is over.


Really, it would help so much if there were more explicit instructions for a lady to manage these difficulties. I know that unbelievers think of the Lord as some sort of busybody, concerning Himself with what we eat and say and do and even think, but I say, the more detailed the manual the holier the outcome.


So, does God tell us precisely what to do and what to use during our curse, have I overlooked a verse or two?


Minutely Yours,


Handmaiden

[Basilissa]

Re: If You are REALLY Christian Women...

So, does God tell us precisely what to do and what to use during our curse, have I overlooked a verse or two?

Yes, He does, dear Sister, because He is a truly loving God who controls every moment of a woman's life:

Leviticus 15:19-28
19 And if a woman have an issue, [and] her issue in her flesh be blood, she shall be put apart seven days: and whosoever toucheth her shall be unclean until the even.
20 And every thing that she lieth upon in her separation shall be unclean: every thing also that she sitteth upon shall be unclean.
21 And whosoever toucheth her bed shall wash his clothes, and bathe [himself] in water, and be unclean until the even.
22 And whosoever toucheth any thing that she sat upon shall wash his clothes, and bathe [himself] in water, and be unclean until the even.
23 And if it [be] on [her] bed, or on any thing whereon she sitteth, when he toucheth it, he shall be unclean until the even.
24 And if any man lie with her at all, and her flowers be upon him, he shall be unclean seven days; and all the bed whereon he lieth shall be unclean.
25 And if a woman have an issue of her blood many days out of the time of her separation, or if it run beyond the time of her separation; all the days of the issue of her uncleanness shall be as the days of her separation: she [shall be] unclean.
26 Every bed whereon she lieth all the days of her issue shall be unto her as the bed of her separation: and whatsoever she sitteth upon shall be unclean, as the uncleanness of her separation.
27 And whosoever toucheth those things shall be unclean, and shall wash his clothes, and bathe [himself] in water, and be unclean until the even.
28 But if she be cleansed of her issue, then she shall number to herself seven days, and after that she shall be clean.

Helpfully Yours,

Basilissa

[handmaiden]

Re: If You are REALLY Christian Women...

Yes, He does, dear Sister, because He is a truly loving God who controls every moment of a woman's life:

Leviticus 15:19-28
19 And if a woman have an issue, [and] her issue in her flesh be blood, she shall be put apart seven days: and whosoever toucheth her shall be unclean until the even.
20 And every thing that she lieth upon in her separation shall be unclean: every thing also that she sitteth upon shall be unclean.
21 And whosoever toucheth her bed shall wash his clothes, and bathe [himself] in water, and be unclean until the even.
22 And whosoever toucheth any thing that she sat upon shall wash his clothes, and bathe [himself] in water, and be unclean until the even.
23 And if it [be] on [her] bed, or on any thing whereon she sitteth, when he toucheth it, he shall be unclean until the even.
24 And if any man lie with her at all, and her flowers be upon him, he shall be unclean seven days; and all the bed whereon he lieth shall be unclean.
25 And if a woman have an issue of her blood many days out of the time of her separation, or if it run beyond the time of her separation; all the days of the issue of her uncleanness shall be as the days of her separation: she [shall be] unclean.
26 Every bed whereon she lieth all the days of her issue shall be unto her as the bed of her separation: and whatsoever she sitteth upon shall be unclean, as the uncleanness of her separation.
27 And whosoever toucheth those things shall be unclean, and shall wash his clothes, and bathe [himself] in water, and be unclean until the even.
28 But if she be cleansed of her issue, then she shall number to herself seven days, and after that she shall be clean.

Helpfully Yours,

Basilissa

Oh, Sister, I just love those verses. And isn't it nice of the Lord to use the term "flowers" to describe such an icky thing? But what I meant is that there doesn't seem to be a specific description of what we are to use.


He put so much time and detail into the architecture of the Temple and of the design of the priests' robes. Before that, He worked out all the math for the Ark. I want to know exactly what to use for my unclean time.


Which substance? Rags, sponges, cornhusks? Are rags to be folded crosswise or lengthwise? Sister Joanna has counseled that items are to be put on, not in. But, I seek so much more. After all, a True Christian of either gender (And there are only the two, of course!) would want to please the Lord and meet His every expectation.


Am I wrong in wishing that God had given more attention to this issue (pardon the pun) in His Holy Word? It's almost as if it didn't matter that much to Him because it concerned women.


Ponderingly Yours,
Handmaiden